It is funny that twice in the last few weeks, I had thought of what I wanted to say on my blog, only to see someone else talk about something similar. Michele posted that blogging is empowering to the weight loss process. And quite right she is. I had been thinking that exact thing here lately. I also have wondered why that is? Why is it that coming on to this here world wide web and talking about your process, your mental gymnastics, your deep thoughts is such a liberating experience? I think I kinda get the idea after some pondering. I liken the old me to a guy caught in a cage, a slave to my food cravings and emotional baggage. What put me in that cage? Not dealing with my problem, not facing it head on and taking it out!! Not talking about it! I know everybody knew I had an eating problem, the evidence was on my waist. But I refused to talk about it, even if someone like my mom or my friends brought it up. I was gonna handle it in my own way! Why is that? What is it that keeps you from talking about your crap? I think that would be that the people closest to you are the ones that want to talk about it, and those are the people you most want to not have any weaknesses in front of, the people you feel the worst about letting down. You especially don't want to deal with it face to face with them. Enter the blogging world. Essentially, this forum is much like a psychiatrist. You can go, talk about your "stuff" and nobody is there to judge you. In fact, the people in this community totally get it! Not only do they get it, some even teach you things about yourself you didn't know. So begins the process. You begin to take your master on, you begin to say hey, I know where the power you have over me comes from and I have capped that well! I am talking about this, I am becoming self aware, I am taking this hold away from you, I am loosing the bonds you have on me!
I know that I am not completely well, I know it will be a bit before the complete transformation happens, but I have one tether off, working on the next! And it is great! I like that I can think about these things AND talk about them now. It is liberating!
Today, I had a big debate brewing within for supper time. Kathy makes the best spaghetti ever! I love love love it! She was making a batch tonight and so I decided that I had better research the calories on it. I immediately found out that spaghetti is wow wow wow high in calories! However, I could not nail it down on what I thought would be a reasonably sure number for calorie count. I have a policy of if I can't figure it out, I guess a number I am certain is high. Well I suddenly had that bargaining, rationalizing guy coming back. I was trying to convince myself to take a lower number and make it so I could have a half a bowl more. Luckily, I have this blog to keep me honest. I knew I would have to tell you guys I filched, I screwed up, I didn't live up to my promise. I know that eventually, I will not have as much need for that as the habit of honest calorie counting will be ingrained, but for now, that is my crutch.
So I have a trick I have been using lately that is kinda starting to crack me up as it has evolved into a couple of funny moments. One of the things I used to do which dumbfounded me then and I still did is I could talk myself into being hungry. I would be driving down the road and my inner dialogue would be " man I am starving". Even though I had not had any hunger pangs, or had just eaten, whatever, I still said that to myself multiple times a day and it generally wound up with me in a drive thru. So I was thinking one day after this journey started, that I had to think of a thought to replace that one when it came up. I haven't talked alot about it, but I am starting my final year in undergrad, and I am super pumped up when I think about the day I am going to be walking up to the podium and getting my diploma. So, I decided that when that thought popped into my head, I would begin to imagine "Pomp and Circumstance" playing. It has been tremendously successful and quite frankly, I think that thought much less often. However, apparently I have began to mindlessly sing the tune out loud, wherever I am! I didn't realize it till someone at the office asked me why I was doing that. I then did it again at Wal Mart one day while I was getting my laps in for lunch. It is a hoot! I have not really become self conscious about it either. I just go ahead and do it most times.
The Big Bang Theory is on and that means I gots ta go! Until next I see you, keep on inspiring me, and I will try to do the same for you!!!