Losing It For The Family

Losing It For The Family

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Day 13 Working the Day Away, Visiting the Night Away

Can you say sunbuuuuuuurn? Oh man, I screwed up. I got out early this morning to get my lawn work done, but there were mechanical issues with my mower, so I had to fix it before I could mow. Well the delay put me behind and I was so focused on getting the yards mowed today that I forgot to put sunblock on!! I got the yards all mowed, the a/c units that didn't work loaded up, and the weed killer sprayed on my back yard.

I was so focused because Kathy and I were going to our friends the Hunter's for a small cook out get together. I was hamburgers and hot dogs and it was yummy. I planned ahead for it and I saved 1300 calories in my bank to take over there. I am glad to say, I was successful in sticking with that even through temptation. Jason makes really good burgers and sausage balls and I knew the test of my resolve would be at hand when I got there. But I had made my mind up, I would enjoy the food, but in reasonable quantities. So I had two sausage balls, two burgers, and two hot dogs for a total of 980 calories ( it was turkey hot dogs and the burger patties are small as are the buns) and was still 320 calories in the black, so I had two spoonfuls of the homemade ice cream that Izetta brewed up. I figured it for 100 calories. Prolly high but that is my motto, guess high when in doubt! So that left just enough room for a sliver of the vanilla creme cake Kathy bought to take over there and I had about a 1 inch sliver for what I guessed at 150 calories. I ate a couple of carrot sticks with ranch and that was the balance of my bank for the day.

Herein lies my problem. I am honestly still hungry. Not starving, but hungry. I would say it is likely because I worked hard outside all day and my body is in a calorie deficit, but I don't want to eat. I don't want to open that door. In the past, I have always rationalized a "step off the path" for a day like today, where I got a great deal of physical activity and was low on my calorie count, so hey live a little. Go to the cook out, eat, you can get back on plan tomorrow. One think I am determined to do is take the well known stories of my life, and change the endings. I am writing all new stories, ones with happy endings. Ones where I do fight the urges, ones where I succeed. Ones where food doesn't win. I do wonder though. And maybe Sean is the guy to ask this. Will there ever be a time when I won't THINK about food at all? I mean on the drive home, all I could think about was the fact I was hungry and that I didn't need to eat cause my bank was out. But even with that thought, I am still THINKING about food, even if it is to determine I am not going to eat it. Does that ever stop? Does food ever become ancillary to life? I don't know any other ending than failing, so I have to wonder, does winning mean not thinking about food. I realize you have to think about your choices, but does that having to think about not eating ever get beat out of you? I choose to believe it will. I know my attitudes now are so much different than they used to be towards food. I am only 13 days in and food has lost a great deal of control over me. I know that in the future, I expect that I will adapt the eat to live, not live to eat attitude. I look forward to it. It may be hard work , there by be bad days, but I will get there! As for now, still hungry, still thinking about NOT EATING! So I am filling up on water and fixing to go to bed. I almost fell prey to the "Shane's rationalization" bug a few minutes ago and I don't wanna do that! So I will chalk this day up to another test and say I believe I passed it. I am yawning my fool head off, so I better sign off here. Please, keep on inspiring me, and I will try to do the same for you!!!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Day 12 Way ready for Weigh Day!!!!

So today was my first weigh day since I started this journey/blog. As I noted before, I was hoping for 8 poounds. Well, I did not lose 8 pounds guys. But I guess I will have to go on living knowwing that I lost 11 pounds insteaad. And 1 1/2 inces off my big belly. I am not sure how I will handle this. It may be difficult but I will see what I am made of I suppose ;-)

I am actually typing this blog at lunch time because I was so excited to tell everybody. I now weigh 286 pounds, down from 297 and my belly is 53 1/2 inches around down frmo 55. How exciting!!! So goal number one of losing 10 pounds has been accomplished!! My new goal is to get out of the 280's, if only to 279. I kinda laughed at myself though when I thought of something. I have always been the guy who will reward weight loss goals with food! I thought about it for half a second this morning, but decided that is just dumb! Haha. So I have decided that at 30 pounds lost, I am going to go out and splurge on a new shirt for me. Aaaaaaand, it will be a XX!! Even if it don't fit at the time, I will work my way down to it!

Kathy and I went to Taco Bell today and I have to admit, I liked the fresco burrito supreme chicken version. I knew going in it was 340 calories, which is what I eat for lunches. My worry was will it be a filling 340. The answer is yes! I was great! I may have a new faorite at Taco Bell as it was delicious also. So thru lunch and counting in what I will be eating for a snack later, I am going to leave the office with 950 calories in. And I saw in my comments that Jo mentioned I had gone over my bank of calories but with good choices. I actually did not because I set my bank at 2000. But it got me to thinking if I had set it too high. So I did some research and found a website that calculated your basal metabolic rate according to your age, weight, and height as well as activity level. I put in mildy active and it said to lose weight I would need to keep my caloric intake daily to 3200! I was shocked! I can tell you right now, just trying to make 2000 is hard now. I have only made it close twice and gone over once and both times, no hunger in this guy! So how much stock do you guys put into that? Do ya'll think my bank of 2000 is too high?

Okay, I am done rambling. I need to get off her and get my A/C problem solved. I need a couple of window units but those are at a premium this time of year! So let's see some success stories posted guys, and as always, keep inspiring and I will try to do the same for you.

Day 11 Frustrated Eating

Okay I kinda back slid but not really? I dunno. I want ya'lls opinion. Thursday was an exceptional day. Not to hard at work and a buddy of mine offered my family to good sized window air conditioning units for free if I came up to get them. It was an 160 mile round trip to get them. So I thankfully agreed to come up and get the units. He made no guarantee that either would work, but I assured him I was confident they would indeed work. So I make the trip and get the units. Kathy and I return home around 9:30 and it has been determined that I would have to change the end on the cord to one that will plug into my outlet. I do so fairly easily and get the unit ready to put in the window. The moment of truth comes and we hit the power switch. Nothing! So I made sure i got the plug wiring up right and nothing. Now to that point I had had only 1475 calories. I sat down to think and decided that I would have my yogurt I had not had yet. It was good but I was still hungry. So I finished some cucumber slices I had made a couple of days ago. Had I stopped there it would not even be and issue. But I also went back to the fridge and got me about 100 calories worth of lunch meat and at it and then I got a tablespoon of peanut butter and put it on a slice of bread too! Now all this time, I knew two things. I was well within my calorie bank, but I was eating because I was frustrated. I mean my total damage calorie wise was 1680 for the day. But for 3 minutes, I was frustrated eating. I kept it under control, but I still did it. After typing that, I am gonna call it a step forward. I just decided that. I was self aware and definitely stopped a LOT sooner than I would have in the past.

Tomorrow is weigh day!! I am so excited!! I usually have weighed fairly regularly in the past. But this time around I decided to weigh only every two weeks. It gives you a bigger number to work with and gets you excited. I am hoping for 8 pounds. I don't have a reason to think 8 pounds, just a hunch is all. I have gone over bank one time only and been under bank all the other days. I have done regimented exercises as well as been more active generally, and well dang it, I feel LUCKY!!!

Well I gotta get up in a few hours and do the Friday grind, so I am going to sign off. I am looking forward to everyone's updates tomorrow, so let us know how things are going. Keep on inspiring me and I will try to do the same for you!!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day 10 Disaster Does Nothing to Resolve

So it is day 10 and I have had what I would consider a mega disaster for July. My air conditioner compressor has gone out for my home. Not only that, it is estimated at 1200 dollars to fix it and I don't even have in the general area of that. So I was pretty stressed for about an hour after I found out, but for some reason, I never doubted that this would not lead to a food melt down. In fact, I know the reason or reasons. One being I pledged honesty and quite frankly, I don't want to have to come on here and say I am such a weenie that I let a little stress ruin a great stretch of days. Two being that on top of the pride factor, I have a new found calmness about me now that I have brought out my demons and acknowledged them. I truly believe that fear and hiding breed bad behaviors, while open and honest allow power over whatever obstacle you are struggling with. So not even once was the challenge laid on me to not eat because of this. I had my normal dinner routine, or close to it. Kathy didn't want to cook so we kinda grazed on what we had left over from various meals. I warmed up what I think was two cups of beans, but for safe measure counted as three, 360 calories. Then Kathy gave me some of the meatloaf she had warmed up, I figured 200 calories for safety sake. Then I had three pieces of thin sliced lunch meat, I counted it as 50. And of course my friend the yogurt. I know I didn't go through my breakfast or lunch. Because they are repeats of yesterday! Haha. So, after eating and watching Kathy's latest Netflix pick, we decided to go to Wal Mart and get a little window unit at least for the bedroom so we could sleep at night. While there, Kathy begged for ice cream at McDonalds, and I gave in since we had just sweated profusely for three hours. I had the small fat free vanilla for 150 calories. Totaled up, I am at 1790 calories for the day. Still below the bank!! Day 10 baby!!

So as I was driving to work this morning, I had a thought. I have tried many times before to lose weight and have had success to some degree on many occasions. I was really trying to pinpoint what the underlying reason for failure usually was. I mean if I broke it down bare bones, what is the structure of it, besides the poor choices that got me fat to begin with. The reason I usually quit. It was too hard, it took too long and the results weren't happening fast enough. So a good while back I read an article that postulated that perhaps the onslaught of ADD or other similar type disorders are a product of sitcom tv, movies etc. The basis of that theory was that typically, sitcoms are set up to have a problem, the working out of the problem, and a solution in half an hour. If you are like me and get attached to shows and their characters, that is your reality for half an hour when you watch a show. I thought that that really made sense. I mean in the old days, people had patience enough to work through a problem and were foresighted enough to see a solution was on its way, it just may take a little hard work and time. Not us. No if it is gonna be more than a half hour to solve your problem, screw that, move on. Or what about movie montages? I mean you have the biggest loser ever that can't say lift 120 pounds on the bench press. 5 minute motage later, he has worked so hard and now he is outlifing the whole gym!! We see that for ourselves. " I am so gonna work out, diet and exercise and get fit!" A week later, "what I lost 3 pounds and didn't gain one pound on my bench? this sux!!" That is me. I fell into that more than once.It falls right back to one phrase. This journey is not a sprint, it is really and truly a marathon. You need to realize, I may not lose my first twenty five pounds in 2 months like the guy on tv or in blog x did. It might take me 3 months. I am not gonna pull the 100 pounds off by Christmas, it may be this time next year before I get there. Pace your self, as Sean says, keep the motivational thoughts near and dear to you.

I don't know if you all recall but early on in days I posted not only my weight, but I am taking the measurement around the biggest part of my belly each weight day to. There is reasoning for that. I have always always always used the scale as my pass/fail rubrick. I have decided that the problem with that is that if you only have one pass/fail measure, failing is more likely and more likely to be devastating. So this time around, I will measure both my weight and girth. Suppose I have a slow weight loss two weeks and only knock of 2 pounds, but by gosh look here, I knocked off 2 inches around my belly two. I have given myself twice the chance to succeed and measure positive results. I believe this is going to be a successful measure and help keep me on goal.

Well I am sweaty now, so I am going to go back to the bedroom where the window unit has hopefully pulled down the temperature and try to get a good nights sleep. I hope to read alot of success stories from my blog friends in the morning. So until then, keep on inspiring me, and I will try to do the same for you!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Day 9 Some Adjustments Are Made

Howdy folks! It is day 9 and I am feeling really good about today. I redistributed some calories today, and I actually got a lot closer to the bank total today. Don't freak though. I have been doing not only my lunch walking, but I have gotten up and gotten my weight workout the last two mornings also. Which leads me to an idea. I know that Sean doesn't follow my blog, so I am wondering if Kenz could pass this along for me. I have started doing push ups and let me tell you, if your out of shape, it shows up when you are trying to do push ups. It is not just your arms and chest, it is your back, shoulders, legs, abs. It really takes a lot of muscle to keep yourself in the push up position!! Let alone do push ups. So I am issuing this challenge to Sean, who has expressed his disdain with his workout habits. I challenge him to a contest. Starting three months from the day he accepts the challenge, we work on upping our push up totals until on that day, we have the contest of who does the most!! Kenz, if you read this post will you pass that on to Sean? See what he thinks.

So today was the typical breakfast, I scrambled two eggs whipped with 1/4 cup milk, onions and 1/3 tbsp of cheese, topped it with salsa for a yummy and filling breakfast at only 320 calories. Lunch was a sandwich again, but I left out the Miracle Whip and went with just enough mustard to know it was there, and kept the cheese slice for 210 calories, but today I added chips and salsa to lunch and it was heaven to not be hungry after lunch! Lunch rang in at 340 calories and also was yummy and filling. I did the standard granola bar for 150 and also hit the pickles again for 15 calories. After work, Kathy asked me to hit Wal Mart and get her some Special K and her kind of bread, so while there I stole one of my blog friends idea and bought some tuna fish and brown mustard for snacks in the afternoon. It made sense to me cause I am working out weights and cardio each day and need to try to get some protein in me for what is hopefully some muscle building!! I also have been thinking some fruit besides a banana would be nice, so I bought a couple of nectarines too. I had one on the way home for 75 calories, not realizing that Kathy had supper ready already.

Speaking of, supper was super!! Kathy made a broccoli, brown rice, and chicken/cheese casserole. I made a bowl of it and started guessing at the measurements of stuff I had in my bowl, being careful to overestimate as usual. So it came out to 540 calories and was yummy so I had another half bowl of it. It was an expensive 810 calories, but it was yummy! I then went out and mowed the lawn for about 40 minutes (another activity) and came back in and washed my dog. I realized it was pretty late and I wanted to try out the brown mustard and tuna thing, so I made it for my snack tonight and it was great. However, I also had my normal snack of yogurt too, so my calorie total got reeeeeal close today. 1915!! Sheww close call baby! But just under the wire.

I would worry more about that if it weren't for the fact I am being MUCH more active than usual and the walking has stuck, and I am gonna make the weight work outs stick also. I spoke about this in a comment to Lyn's blog today. I want to draw attention to the words I used. "I am gonna make the weight work outs stick". I didn't say "I hope the weight work outs stick". I bring that up because I was chatting with a friend today and this blog was the subject. I told them that I "hoped that this will be the successful breakthrough I have been needing". I hope. See hope is a great thing generally. But I have an illness, and "I hope it works" is not an option. I have said that many times before and here is what I hope means to a person who has an eating illness and has failed the fight to lose weight multiple times before. I just left the door open to fail again. It may be the back door, but it is open. You cannot "hope" when you're morbidly obese, diabetic and almost 40 with a family counting on you to lead them to a good life. Hope is the enemy in this case. "I will" is the key here. "I will make this blog the success story I have been needing". I will use it to keep up my accountability, I will use it to put myself and my self destructive behaviors to the forefront, explore and define and conquer them. I will make new habits, healthy habits, realistically maintainable habits. Not some miracle diet that will get the weight off, but a way of eating that makes me able to eat the food I love (and I do love food) and continue to eat them after I reach my healthy weight. I will get to my healthy weight. I will do it with the help of getting more active, less lethargic. I will eat the foods I want, just in responsible portions. I will make my family be more at ease, seeing my health improve, seeing me improve personally, professionally and emotionally. I don't hope to do these things. I will do them.

I also wanted to say I know alot of my friends and some family are following this blog and have told me they like it, some have even said I am a good writer. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. And to my followers on blogspot, thank you too for the comments and for your blogs as well. I have gotten alot of ideas and inspiration from them and I really feel like a part of a community. I need to wrap this up, so I am going to say, thanks again for inspiring me and I will try to do the same for you.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Day 8 With a bit of a Struggle!

Day 8 With a bit of a Struggle

I usually write the day’s blog on the next morning when all that could have happened has. But today, I am writing it early in the evening as a therapeutic measure. I need to write now to keep a melt down at bay. See as I discussed, I am on the 2000 a day bank, but reality is such that I haven’t made it most days of the last eight. Well today is yet another of those days. In fact, I have eaten all three meals and some snacking and have a total of 1760 calories. I am full really, not miserable, but full or I guess satisfied is the better word. Well, Kathy and I have found ourselves in a bit of a financial struggle for the last few weeks. I usually have taken it in stride, but tonight while working out the newest get back to even keel, I had a bit of a stress episode. Well, as is probably obvious by now, I was about to go all melt down, and get after the refrigerator with a vengeance!! I did have a bowl of Special K with a cup of milk but that was the worst it got before I got to the keyboard. But, I could feel that old instinct kicking in and had seen this story a million times. But this time, I was going to change the ending! And I can safely say, I do believe I have done just that. This is my new safe harbor; this is my calm in the storm. And, and it is calorie free!!!!

Ok, with that drama behind me, I will go on with my usual report. I don’t know what the deal is, but I was pretty much starving all day. I mean for real starving, not “Shane’s rationalizing” starving. I had my usual breakfast of a two egg omelette, 1/8 cup milk, and a few tiny chunks of sausage for around 240 calories. The difference came in during lunch. Kathy had brought some bread and lunch meat at Braum’s grocery the other night. She didn’t like the bread, and I checked the calories on it. Nice 90 calories for two slices and I liked the taste, so I told her rather than buying my frozen meals this week for work, I would go ahead and take sandwiches instead. I made that decision not realizing that the sandwich, meat, cheese and tablespoon of miracle whip, it came up to 260 calories, which is at least 100 calories less than I usually have for lunch. So when I realized it wasn’t going to be enough, I went to google to find out that pickles are very very low cal! As luck would have it, my coworker’s mom makes me pickles all the time! So I found out that a cup of pickles is around 15 calories. So I took me four spears, which I am guessing was waaaay less than a cup. So I added 15 calories to my tally. It settled me for the moment, but not for long. I went out for my walk at lunch and had to run some errands for work after that. I was really worried because I was totally starving for real and the old me, totally would have stopped for a double cheeseburger and maybe some fries too. Not today!!! I waited till I got back to the office and ate my regularly scheduled granola bar for my snack at 2. I felt less hungry but not satisfied. So about a half hour later, I was back at the pickle jar and even had a couple of the baby carrots I had stashed last week in case of just such a situation. So for total snacks at work I had 240 calories and had 740 total coming in to the supper hour at home!! Kathy had made a stew I talked about earlier in the week and saved it back for tonight. It was a homemade, so I had to do some searching and extrapolating of calories based on some research, but I decided to probably over estimate the supper at 700 calories. I ended out the day with the usual key lime yogurt for 80 calories and the Special K in a cup of milk I talked about in the beginning. My calorie count stands at 1760 at the moment and it will stay that way because I wrote this blog post for just that purpose, to replace old habits with new. The accountability factor in this endeavor is such a wonderful thing! I mean it takes you completely opening up and swearing to be honest at all times, but it is so liberating and therapeutic!

So did anybody else have a rough day? I would be glad to listen to any bad day stories you may have. Just hit me up at my e mail: jsg14342@cox.net.

Day 7 First week down and no weekend trap!

Day 7 is in the books and it was another good one! I got a ton o' fiber in today and some good protein too. Plus I finally got the dang yard clippings up from the back yard so I am ending the week on a happy note!

I will keep harping on this, you may get tired of hearing it, but this just doesn't feel like dieting! And in reality it isn't. I just don't OVEREAT! I also savor the food, eating it slowly. I am no longer in a race to eat as much of this yummy food as fast as I can. It is still yummy whether it is 3 ounces or 16!!

One more thing I find amazing is that on day 1, I decided that 1500 was just not gonna be enough calories, so I made my number 2000 calories. Well, for days 3, 5, 6, and 7, I have not gotten my full allotment in at all. In fact, the last two days, I was way off. I don't recall day 6's number, but day 7 weighs in at 1405 calories. Without any starving either. This whole new world is amazing to me. I could learn to like this, fo sho!

So hear is my food diary for the day. I knew I had some strenuous work ahead of me early this morning, so I had a bit more hardy of a breakfast than usual. I fried a sausage patty at what I believe to be about three ounces for 270 calories, put a piece of cheese on it for 60, and the bread was 90 for the two pieces, for a total of 420 calories. After getting the work done, it was just before lunch time and I had no plan as yet. I told you Kathy had bought broccoli, califlower and orange I guess banana peppers or whatever they are called. they are smaller peppers that taste like the bigger bell peppers. Well I took all those and some baby carrots, and made a bowl of steamed vegetables out of it and then seasoned them with lemon pepper seasoning, for a total of 220 calories for lunch. It was so yummy ya'll, I will be doing that again in the future! Snack time was doubled up though, as the veggies didn't seem to stick to me very well. Plus I had a bit of an old habit raise its head. I was watching tv and relaxing and suddenly had the urge for a snack, thus snack two. However, I was smart about it. Snack number one was a granola bar with a 1/2 cup of milk for 210 calories. I savored it and enjoyed every last bite and drink of milk too. Snack 2 may have been uplanned, but it was well executed. I had bought some radishes the other day cause I like radishes. I liked them even more when I found out 7 of them are like 15 calories. So I sliced 7 up and seasoned them with some Cavendar's seasoning and had a wonderful snack for 15 calories. At last Kathy mad it home from work and I was able to cook supper. We had bought some tiny little thin pork chops, about an ounce to and ounce and a half each, and I cooked them on the grill with a smidge of garlic salt on each one. They were easy to cook and good to eat. We had a rerun from earlier in the week in a dish of sliced cucumbers, tomatoes, and onions in EVO and a dab of house italian dressing. Topped off with a couple of spoonfuls of green beans and dinner tallied to 460 calories and was very filling. I had a sweet tooth directly after, so I went straight to the evening snack I have come to love so much, Sam's Choice key lime yogurt for 80 calories! Mmm mmm yummy!!

I think for this upcoming week, I am adding the goal of getting my morning weight workouts in. I am pretty satisfied with my cardio being at lunch time and don't want to mess with that. I think that with the combination of new eating habits (not dieting), weight training and cardio, I can have a heck of a time knocking off the weight and getting healthier like I should have earlier in life. But as we all know, youth is wasted on the young!!

Good night, and ya'll keep on inspiring me, and I will do my best to do the same!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Day 6 and pick up stick (actually grass clippings but it didn't rhyme)

Day 6 was a rousing success! Not only did I come in under calories, I was extremely active all day! I started the day off with an omelette, 2 ounces of sausage in it and a slice of onion diced up for 250 calories. I got around and got my back yard mowed completely. My back yard is huge and I have been avoiding the extreme heat lately and not mowing it after work. As you can imagine, the back yard was getting high. So I had mowed some but not all earlier in the week. I got the whole darned thing, but the grass clippings were pretty thick and that gets on my nerves, so I set out raking them up. I stopped for a banana for 100 calories for a snack and lunch was a sandwich. Kathy bought some bread at Braums that she hates, but I love. Two slices is 90 calories, I put at table spoon of Miracle Whip on it for 50 calories, and the turkey deli meat was 110 for another 250. So thru lunch I was sitting at 600. I had been out in the heat raking and dragging and walking and weedeating the whole time so I may well have been in a calorie deficit the whole frikkin morning. The old Shane would have rationalized a binge eating session, not this guy. I kept up the good work. Kathy finally got home shortly after 3. I was really hungry and she said the beans weren't gonna be ready for another couple of hours, so I finished off some leftover wasabe mashed potatoes and one piece of lunch meat. There may have been two tablespoons of the mashed potates so I figured up 100 calories for the both put together. So I headed back out for some raking for about another half hour and finally Kathy called me in for supper. It was delicious. She made 15 bean soup!! I had two cups worth which came out to 480 calories. So through supper, I had only had 1080 calories of the 2000 I allot myself!! The only downside is I was really hungry about an hour later. We went grocery shopping and bought some of the greek yogurt I have seen mentioned on several of the weight loss blogs. As soon as we got home, I tried mine and I don't think it will be a staple in my diet. I just couldn't take the texture. so now I am up to 1200 calories for the day, but still hungry. Well Kathy had been making a stew up so she would have a couple of days of supper pre made for this week and I talked her into a half a cups worth of it for my hungry belly and she was nice enough to allow it. It was yummy and ended my day with a guesstimated, and I think high guesstimate of 200 calories for a total of 1400!

So here is my conundrum now. I had a great day and immediately I felt skinnier today when I woke up. First thing I wanted to do was weigh and measure. However, I have restricted those activities to once every two weeks. I used to weigh everyday and one of my triggers to go off diet was I hadn't lost a pound in so many days, what is the point. My next weigh day is not until this coming Friday and I sure am looking forward to it! I don't know what my numbers are gonna be, but I have a good feeling based on a couple of things.

I had not shared this before, but prior to this journey, I was addicted to sodas. They were diet sodas, but sodas nonetheless. About a month and a half before the journey began, I had actually quit sodas and was drinking artificially sweet tea. I host 4th of July every year and one of my friends is also a soda addict and he brought over 3 cases of Diet Mountain Dew, my choice of poison. So when he left the leftover two cases here, I went nuts on them. I feared that I would be back to being addicted, but as soon as they were gone, which was a couple of days before the journey, I have not bought but two cans since. I used to drink two one liter bottles a day minimum!! On to my point. I had been drinking tea as I mentioned, but I have seen the PEWC and have begun to try to get 64 ounces of water only in. I have made it three days in a row now, but I still don't have a taste for water. Any thoughts on if tea is at least 80% as good as water for you?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Day 5 and a small slip up

Well day 5 held one victory and one small defeat for me. Let's talk about the victory first since it happened first. My wife and meet for lunch on Friday's and usually it is a fast food place or a restaurant where good choices are hard to make due to the quality of food there. So we weren't sure if she would be able to make it yesterday, so I packed lunch just in case. I made a can of tuna with three tablespoons of Miracle Whip in it. First, when I decided on the amount of Miracle Whip, I read the calories on it and saw it was 50 per tablespoon, 20 of that was fat. Well for some reason the 20 part stuck in my head and when I had put two tablespoons in, it didn't seem quite enough. So the third when in and so with the 100 for the tuna, I figured at three tablespoons, I was at 160 calories. Eeeeeeh!! At work I usually eat at 11 and take lunch at noon to go walk. Well Kathy texted me at 10;15 and said hey I will be able to make lunch. That was great, but I had only had 240 calories at breakfast and was already starving, so I decided to go ahead and have the tuna so going into lunch, I would have 400 calories total. Well after finishing the tuna, I assume God must have pointed it out to me, cause it dawned on me, no that would be 250 calories stooge!! So now I am worried sick over that ( I know it is not right, but I play it to the bone and hate to mess up!) So now I am thinking I may just be looking at my wife for lunch. So, we get to the Red Rooster, who makes great sandwiches and pies, and lo and behold, they have since installed a salad bar!! I rejoice and begin to make me a salad and eat some vegetables. Those who know me, know I know squat about vegetable cause I only eat a few! So I took some educated guesses on calorie counts as I made my plate. I came up with 450 but rounded it to 500 for safety sake. So, for those others of you who have no idea on calories counts on broccoli, cauliflower, lettuce, asparagus and the likes, really frikkin low!! I had about three tablespoons of low cal dressing that is 50 calories per dressing and that was the most of the calories on that plate! I got a small spoon full of their tuna salad next and guestimated it at around 100, probably high but for safety sake, then topped it off with a small chunk of watermelon. I added it up when I got back to the office and i got out of lunch with 350 calories!! And it was filling! It stuck with me till snack time at 2:30 and I wasn't really hungry at snack time, just wanted to give my body something to chew on. Also Kathy made meatloaf, mac and cheese and spinach for supper. I did calorie research on the meatloaf and found it was 280 per deck of cards serving, I think that is 3 or 4 ounces, and I had about 1 1/2 of that, the spinach was like 10 calories per cup and i had about a half cup, and the mac was 180 calories per cup prepared, and I had a cup and a half, so like 270 calories for a total of 700 hundred for supper. Still trucking right? So by this time I have 1700 calories in, and Kathy and I see a Braums frozen yogurt commercial and I do some research on that. I could have a small or junior cone and 6 ounces of yogurt for 300 calories was my estimate after putting the two together, and it just sounded good. So Kathy and I loaded up and went for the walk we had planned at lunch and after, we stopped at Braums for our treat. Still all good. So finally we get home and I watched a movie while Kathy did her thing. As the movie ends, I realized that I had not taken my prescriptions that I take every night. Enter the danger zone, there is still one slice of pizza from Thursday night in the fridge, and I "Shane rationalized" that I needed something significant in my stomach for three of those pills or my life would be living hell. So guess what, I did it, I ate the pizza for taking the pills. Normally, that would have ended it all for me. But I knew two things were inevitable after I realized what i had done. One, I had to come here and come clean and two, I would get right back on the horse this morning and that would be a lesson learned. So today, I put my big boy pants back on, digest the fact I messed up, and get back to focusing on doing better.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Day 4 and an early triumph!!!

Before I do the calorie breakdown of yesterdays food intake, I want to brag on Kathy and I. Yesterday was a test day and we passed with flying colors. See I loooooove pizza. We live just down the street from a little pizza place with the beeeeest pizza eeeeeeevvvveeerrr! It just so happened that yesterday was customer appreciation day, and they were selling a large 1 topping for 3.99!! We both love the italian sausage pizzas there, so we decided to get one. First hurdle cleared, we only got ONE!! The next issue we faced was that the calorie count. I researched and found that in general, it is safet to estimate 340 calories per slice of pizza. Now, I had budgeted my bank to account for enough calories for 3 pieces but couldn't have realisitically done it for four. Kathy had done the same. Each pizza has 8 slices in it, so there was clearly going to be an issue of two extra pieces left over. I worried that one of us would either finish them both or we each would cave in and split them and go over our calorie limit. I am proud to report those two pieces are in the refrigerator in a tupperware container either for Kathy's lunch today or for the dogs delight this evening, depending on how the day shapes up. So to summarize my rambling, we achieved a great victory that I was dreading from day 1 and now have that to build on in the future!!!

Okay on to day 4's summary:

two eggs over easy 140 calories
Healthy Choice entree 340 calories
summer salad of onion,tomato and
jalapeno with two tablespoons italian
dressing 200 calories (probably less but to be safe)
three slices of pizza 1020 calories
2 bananas 100 calories

Total of 1900 calories for the day.

as mentioned, I got 10 minutes on the recumbent bike, added a wal mart lap at lunch to make it 5 laps and 25 mintues.

Thank you God for another successful day.

Here are me and Kathy after I got my associates degree last year.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Little oversight on my part

So I was walking at lunch and I realized something. The name of my blog is Losing it for the Family but I have done nothing but talk about me.

Katherine Christine Griffin (formerly Gill)is the love of my life. She is the girl that makes me happy. I wish I could have found her sooner, but that may have been an issue because she is 8 years younger than me. But now that I have her, I will never let her go. She has brought out the best in me and made be a better man already and makes want to be an even better man than I am. A lot of girls were in and out of my life, most with sad stories to go along with them. About two months before Kathy and I started dating, I literally had told God, I get it, I am supposed to be single. It is really funny, I knew Kathy long before we dated or married. We worked at the same factory for a couple of years. I had a crush on her the first day I met her, but I later saw her in Wendy's and found out she was married. Arrrgh!!

Later on, her and her husband had split and I actually did not know that. I was doing some work on a machine in her area and she had just done the girl hair flip thing to put on a bandana. I told her she had some sexy hair and that is seriously how Kathy and Shane began. She had to push me a little though cause I was gun shy. Luckily, I didn't require a bunch of pushing. Now she is stuck with me for life!!

Day 4 with results from Day 3

Here are day 3's numbers:

two eggs over medium 140 calories
banana 100 calories
Healthy Choice entree 310 calories
granola bar 150 calories
2 chicken potpies 740 calories
yogurt 80 calories

1520 calories total

inches around my belly, not good. I measured it at 55 inches at the peak. wow. I wear a 40 waist in pants, but my belly goes out an extra 15 inches past that. Gonna change that!!

Now on to my struggle firsth thing on day 4. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when it would show up. The day I would convince myself I NEED to stop for (insert food here) because I am seriously hungry and will just be screwing my metabolism into slowing down if I starve myself. This is one of those "Shane rationalizations" I talked about over the past few days. So while examining the incident, I believe I have discovered something, or more correctly, acknowledged something about me. I can convince myself I am hungry. I apparently like food so much I can do that. So luckily, my friend Jason called me on the way to work like he does every morning and we had a chat. I likely would not have stopped for the breakfast biscuit I had convince myself I needed, but that was some extra insurance. I am glad I have talked about this fact, it makes me feel empowered to admit I do that and that I shouldn't. It is likely I will fight this battle over and over again over this journey, but I am ready for it!

I also had a thought last night that makes sense. In the past, I have been all about lets get this weight off now, and have had some limited success at it and one big success in 2000-2001. So going back and looking at why those successes were turned to failures, I think I have figured it out. In 2000-2001, I never changed my eating habits, I just worked out like a horse! I spent 2 hours in the gym 6 days a week doing 45 minutes of cardio, then moving on to weight training. Unfortunatlely, it came out that I have a genetic defect in my ankles and I made the inevitable deformation speed up by running for 45 minutes a day on a treadmill. I really did love the running. The "runner's high" is not bunk, you really do get a rush. I lived for that rush, and getting it taken away hurt real bad. So that on top of a career change and schedule change led me to fall off the wagon on that occasion. As for the other successes, I believe the failure was that I lost weight extremely fast, in fact it was so fast, I was not far enough removed from my old eating habits to have left them behind and replace them with new habits. For example, in i believe 2003 or 2004, I went on a diet of having two microwaved hot dogs for breakfast and dinner and nothing in between. Did the weight fall off? Yup, 52 pounds in 4 months, but could I maintain that for the rest of my life? Nope. So in the beginning, I did try to eat right and sensibly, but like I said, I was not far enough removed from old habits to make the new weight stick. So my goal during this joureny is to go slow, work out, count calories, and develop the habit of portion control. My habit now is " that is good food and I will eat it till it's gone!". I want to develop a habit of " that is good food, I will have a little". I want that to be ingrained in me. New habits take awhile to push out old habits, so I am not gonna rush it.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Day 3

Day 3 is in the books and it wielded some good times and great information. So I started off the day with cereal and a banana for a total of 300 calories, had the usual Healthy Choice lunch entree for 340 calories along with a banana, 100 calories. Then for the afternoon snack, I had a granola bar for 150 calories. So I came home for supper with 840 calories consumed for the day. Kathy made us some tilapia fish which was 100 calories per filet and I had two, and the pasta salad she cooked was 180 calories per 3/4 cups and I guesstimated I had a cup and a half for 360 calories. Well my mom brought over a summer salad of tomatoes, onions and cucumbers in vinegar and I was pretty sure I had blown my calorie limit by eating that until I went to check on vegetable calorie counts. Wow! I know I didnt have a full tomato, but even if I had, it would have been around 35 calories, the onion and cucumber around 10 a piece! That is amazing! So by the time supper was done I had managed to keep my calorie count to less than 1500 calories and that was unintentionally!!

Not to great on the exercise front though. I went to the track at lunch and planned on walking a mile but my legs were so sore and I only walked a half mile. We did wind up having to walk about a half mile total to get to DCI's band competition though so there is that. I know this, I just feel better. I don't have the mid afternoon crash where I lose all interest in being productive and would just love to take a nap, I have the energy to do stuff when I get home. I hope to keep building on this. and I know I will cause I have a pretty good audience now!!

Okay adding on to this post. I did a little surfing and one thing I found that made some sense that I want to run by ya'll. I saw a calories per day stagger plan that had you on up and down calorie counts. Like one day you go 1800 calories, the next you do 1200, a few days you do 2000, and then one day of the week you overeat a little, like 2500 or so. It is supposed to prevent plateaus and keep you moving down on the scale by confusing your body and not letting it get into a rythm. Any thoughts? By the by I am trying to starve today and make it like 1200 calories and then tomorrow I am going to indulge in some pizza for dinner. Just a heads up. And also, on my walk today I bought another tailors tape and will be measuring my belly tonight and get you that measurement tomorrow morning hopefully. But for now, here is a pic of me in Branson during our vacation last month. Not a totally accurate depiction as it is a bad angle, but it gives you an idea where I am starting.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Day 2

I would have to write day 1 down as a success! I took alot of joy in beginning this journey. I picked up even more joy when I woke up to find that some other weight loss bloggers have taken notice of my blog. I was excited to go see their blogs as well and see that this problem of mine is bigger and more common than I thought. So welcome girls and I expect that you keep me on the straight and narrow and I will do the same for you.

Okay, this is day 2 and I still did not get up and get on the bike this morning. I don't know if this is another example of Shane's Rationalizing, but the reason was I was so sore from both a half hour of walking at lunch and fourty minutes of mowing the front yard. I think now I should have sucked it up. What do ya'll think? Howeverrrrr, I have twice now fought off the old "get you something to eat, yeah I know you aren't hungry, but get something anyway" urge this morning. And breakfast was once again Special K and a banana for a total of 300 calories. So far so good!

Oh and I promised numbers today. I have my weight but not my belly inches. I couldn't fine the tailors tape, I am pretty sure my Kathy stole it from me!! So anyway, my weight is a not so svelte 297. At this point I don't have an end goal. I have decided that I will do this instead. My goal is to lose 10 pounds right now. I want to weigh 287. I think if I set smaller goals that are more attainable and won't take a great deal of time to get to, I will stick with this. What do ya'll think?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Day 1 Part 3

For future reference, I won't be posting multiple times daily. I just started off a little off balance trying to get this thing going.

Okay the calorie tally for the day wound up being 1875 and it really wasn't that traumatic. I was hungry a couple of times today but not starving. And to add to my activity level, I also push mowed the front yard for about 40 minutes and worked up a decent sweat. While doing that I was thinking about how great the meal planning diet was going and trying to remember how that plan fell to the way side. Then it kinda dawned on me, I took the first chance to sabotage it. We have been playing catch up financially since vacation and one week we were up against the wall, so I told Kathy we would have to go back to eating the junk food we usually do for a bit cause it was cheaper. That is classic Shane rationalizing at its very best. That is exactly the behavior I am hoping to change. I also started thinking about the fact that I have a heck of a hill to climb based on the fact that I just like food, I mean it gives me pleasure to eat a hot dog and taste it and savor it, I get giddy at the idea of some Simple Simon's pizza, the meat lovers. Food is not only a weapon against my feelings and emotions, it is, for lack of a better description, it is a hobby for me. Wow, this blogging thing makes me think alot! I better put this thing to bed before my brain overheats from all the thinking. Night all.

Day 1 part 2

So I actually posted Day 1 on Sunday night so I could get the blog set up, and get familiar with the format etc. So I went to bed last night with a hope in my heart that tomorrow would begin with a bang and get me some momentum built up. My plan is to do cario or weight lifting in the morning for sure and hopefully supplement it with some more in the evenings. My thinking was i would get on the stationary bike this morning and kick this bad boy off right. Well around 4 a.m., I got a massive calf cramp!! It hurt like the dickens let me tell ya. So when I finally quit hitting the snooze button and got out of bed this morning, the pain had amplified where I got the cramp. So I was scared that before I even got out of the gate, there would be a huge set back. But I checked on the comments sections and on my Facebook my friends already did what I had hoped would happen. They took notice and made me feel accountable for this task by offering help and congratulating me. So I made a plan B. I decided that by lunch, the pain would likely be gone and I could go walk in Wal Mart like I did in the winter to keep out of the elements. And I did. I guesstimate that i walked about a mile around the store and I seriously feel great for it!!

Oh and as promised, the nuts and bolts:

breakfast: a bowl of Special K cereal and milk rounded up to 200 calories

lunch: a Healthy Choice entree of Pineapple, chicken, and rice 380 calories

snack: medium banana 105 calories
685 calories so far!
That calorie count is typical of a SNACK for me!

And I haven't taken any weight or tape measurments yet but when I do, I will post them as part of my policy of full disclosure. Thanks to everybody that has already started following, commenting

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Day 1

Hello everybody. My name is Shane Griffin and I have a problem. I eat more than I should and for the wrong reasons. I mean seriously, I had a bad day, so I eat too much supper, I have had a hectic week, come on cake! I am so happy I accomplished that task! Sonic foot long cheese coney baby!! Sometimes, I don't even have a reason to eat, I guess I just do it out of habit. The worse thing is, while eating the food, I KNOW I shouldn't, heck I even feel bad doing it. That alone should stop me, but it doesn't. I used to drink too much when I was a kid, I used to play video games too much, heck I had a problem with the original mini-thin pills for a looooong time. I kicked all those habits but apparently just replaced them with food. I can't even tell you when it started. I just know that it has taken my life over. I beat it in spurts, but eventually it wins again. I was thinking about it though and I have almost always fought that battle privately. I have spoken to some close friends about it, but for the most part, it was an inner demon. I let it have its way with me and held it all inside. To make matters worse, I developed diabetes in my late 20's and as we all know, food is the enemy with that disease. So common sense should have been my driving force to beat this problem with food, but it hasn't kicked in. My wife has tried to be the food nazi at times, but I just sneak around and she finds out and feels defeated about trying to help me.

So here is the deal. I am stealing this idea from another guy, but I bet he won't mind. I want to blog everyday about my weight loss journey. Not the nuts and bolts of I ate this and totaled this many calories and did this many minutes of cardio. I mean yes that will be part of it, but the weight loss journey is much more than that. It is the bad day that you had and wanted a pizza to fix it all, and the realization you had that not only does it not fix the problem you just acquired, but it makes the problem you already had, overeating, even worse. I mean I want it all to come out and be talked about and dealt with. I recently had a bout with anxiety, well a couple of years ago anyway. That was actually how I took control of it, I told people that I had it and was dealing with it and it gave me an empowerment over it. Now the anxiety has essentially been resolved and I hope this forum will allow me the same luxury with my overeating.

So here is my request. Please read my blog, please comment on it, maybe even share your story with me if you have a similar problem with food you have been fighting. But most importantly let me know you are watching, holding me accountable to finish this, to make this attempt work. I have to do something. I have a family now that depends on me, that needs me to keep myself alive long enough to finish with law school and start making a living for them, to get them set up with financial security, but most importantly, to keep spending the quality time with them. Here is an embarrassing story to get us started off. For our first ever family vacation this year, we spent a week in Branson. We had a blast. On one of the days, we went to Silver Dollar City for the whole day and it was fun. Buuuuuuut, Lauren really wanted to ride the roller coasters and the giant barn swing thing. I did the wait in line and everything for the barn swing, but was unable to get the guard to close on my big ol' belly. So Lauren didn't want to ride alone, and had to get off too. It was terrible, and not the first time it had happened. I want to be successful in this and make that a story I tell after I am considerably thinner and in better shape. So I repeat my plea, please comment, please let me know about any suggestions you may have after seeing what I am doing. If I am wrong, set me straight, if you think there is a better way than I am doing something, let me know. If I tell you I screwed up, don't enable me, blast me, but nicely. I need help and I hope I can count on you. Thanks in advance and hope to not ramble as much.