Losing It For The Family

Losing It For The Family

Monday, February 28, 2011

Kinda Happy To See Monday

Believe it or not, I am kinda happy to see Monday. Getting to One-derland has been great, but that was my first big goal. It seems my resolve has weakened a bit with regard to food. That is never a good thing, but it is especially hard when you are home all weekend and have access to food. Now, the food we keep in the house is not crap food like it used to be, so I would actually not be doing horrific damage, but still a habit can evolve from eating more healthy food to eating more food to eating more unhealthy food. I will have 5 straight days of structured eating to build on for next weekend and that makes me stronger again. I have to keep my resolve in the forefront too. I keep seeing 195 on my scale and that helps me keep focused. So here we go work week, do your magic!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Screw Five Hour Energy

Good Sunday Morning ya'll. I am up and at'em at 4:30 a.m. this morning. I generally am an early riser, but I hadn't been getting up this early for awhile. I suppose this morning stems from the fact Kathy and I conked out early last night. I am pretty sure we both fell asleep right around 9 watching the Last Air Bender. We were some really active people yesterday and I guess it took its toll on us. But I just have to say this, screw 5 Hour Energy, I can go all day without it!

I started off yesterday with a couple of cups of coffee as usual. Then I decided my legs felt good enough for another good jog in the park, so I headed out. I don't know if I mentioned it but my parents gave me back my old Mazda pick up I gave them when I bought their truck. My F150 has been eating the gas up lately and with prices like they are, I just couldn't keep shoveling out that much in gas with our meager budget. So I got it all insured and tagged Friday and have been driving it since. That makes it easier for me to drive down to the park and jog, which is my new zen lately. I got another excellent 3 miles in. And here is a complex aspect of yesterday's jog. I am this weird combination of overly competitive, sympathetic and empathetic. There was a younger guy there jogging while I was there, probably early 20's. Wasn't really overweight, not skinny but not overweight either. He was doing the trail in the opposite direction as me, and the first time I met him, he was jogging. Well competitive me said ok, be sure to meet him no less than half way around on the other side, so I kicked it up a notch. I get a good pace going and start to look for him on the other side of the trail, and he is nowhere around. I get about 3/4 maybe a little less around from where I met him the first time and finally run into him, and he is jogging again, but I deduce he had to have stopped or walked really slow at some point. So after passing him this time, I once again vow, make sure to meet him no less than half way around from here. So I once again set my pace and keep going. This lap I spotted him on the other side of the lake and it seemed he was at an appropriate pace to meet me at the half way point, so I make sure i don't lose steam on the hills between us. I get to where we should have intersected and he isn't there, and is nowhere to be seen. I finally spot him on a hill side on the side of the trail. I did take a great deal of pride in having beaten a younger man at jogging. That was competitive me. I also felt bad that he had to see that his level of fitness was less than mine and I immediately begin to worry that this little episode could go one of two ways. He gets it and starts taking steps to get in better shape, or he says this is ridiculous, why should I even try. I for all I am worth hope that he chooses the former. I know I chose the latter and it didn't really turn out well for me. It was one of those situations where you really want to stop and approach the stranger and strike up a conversation with them and see if you can impart knowledge upon them, but you just don't know how to do it and how they will take it.

So anyway, on to the rest of the day. In the past, if I had just finished a second long run (relatively long at least) for the weekend, likely that would have equaled me in the recliner for the weekend, not for lack of want but for lack of ability to move!! I love that my fitness and energy levels are through the roof! So I get home and obviously get out of my sweaty clothes. Once I got dressed, I transitioned directly into garage cleaning mode. My garage was a huge disaster area, and I had set my mind to get some cleaning and arranging done this weekend. So I got out there and got a good start on it, cleaning and arranging stuff and figuring out piles for Goodwill, piles for trash dump, and possible dump piles. I had a couple of things I put on Craigslist too but I haven't heard back from the people that were interested in them yet. So Kathy comes and tells me it is time for us to go to the Girl Scout Cookie booth sale. So I hopped in the shower real quick and we head out the door to go set up our booth for cookie sales. We were there for about two hours, and one of the things our troop does is make sure that we make a scene by our booth so that people notice we are out there and will pull in and buy cookies from us. So we all got out there by the road and acted like fools, holding up our signs and dancing and hollering and doing cheers. I became a professional "Herky" do-er yesterday. For those that don't know, it is a mid air splits I guess. I did that and I was trying to learn how to do the thing where you jump up and bring your legs up so you can touch both your sets of toes in mid air. I am not professional at that yet, but give me time. We had a blast! And I still had enough energy to burn that we came home and I finished the cleaning the garage for the most part. I got the bikes we don't use much hung from the ceiling, the scooters hung on the wall, my tool box and my work bench moved and organized, cleaned off our disaster area of a shelf system and organized it so it makes sense, finished sweeping the floor and arranged the piles. I took a trip to Lowe's and purchased some wall mount organizers for my tools that hang, like rakes, shovels, hedge clippers etc. I need one more of those and I will be good to go and my garage will be in the best shape ever! So we finally knocked off around 7, and I did something that felt odd, even though it had been so common place before. We decided to go out to our local italian eatery that we both love so well. It is great, but I had been getting the Italian chicken salad, which is essentially the same as I eat at home, a garden salad with chicken breast, but the breast is cooked so yummy, I wish I could get their seasoning secret! But last night, I said heck with it and I got the stromboli! oh it was so good. I also ate two pieces of bread they bring before the meal. I will say this. It was all good stuff, but it just didn't hold the pleasureful feeling for me it used to. It was not "emotionally fulfilling" like it used to be. It was just food and I was full by the time the meal was over, and not the good kind, it was the blech kind of full. I learned something last night, I just don't like that feeling anymore. I am changed I guess. I am sure I will still go out there and eat their good food every once in awhile, but it won't be a goal in life like it used to be. It won't have that excitement level, it won't define me. It seems that truth be told, my jogging has taken over as my defining activity, and that don't suck!

So I am not creative, not on whit, but I had this funny scene going on in my head yesterday, and it made me laugh. I think you guys may be the only ones who get it, so I am gonna share it. I have talked about this and have seen others talk about it in the blogosphere as well. for many many years, I was the "fat guy". That is just how I was known. In a lot of different groups of friends and acquaintances groups, that was me, "you know Shane, the fat guy from the party". So I am working away in the garage and it just occurs to me that some of the people I "know" seem to kinda have a freak out about me losing weight when I have seen them out and about. So, I imagined this scene. Open, a large room filled with people that know me, one of them running what is obviously a meeting of some sort. They call the meeting to order. " Okay, as you all know, we are here to meet about Shane, you know " the fat guy". The crowd acknowledges, "oh yeah, I know him". So the leader goes on to make it known that Shane has recently dropped 99 pounds and looks nothing like he is "supposed to". The din grows as people begin to discuss. The leader calls it back to order. So here is the issue, if he keeps it up, one of us is in danger of becoming "fat guy"!! And the crowd goes into a frenzy realizing that there is a situation they don't want to be in, chaos erupts!! That is about as far as I took it, but it made me laugh to imagine it. Not a Jack Sh*t kind of funny, but you know, humorous.

Ok, gotta finish the coffee and I think today looks like a walking instead of jogging day. I do believe Kathy and I will be hitting the hiking trail today and I want so save some legs for that. Ya'll have a wonderful and blessed Sunday!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Other Side

So it just seems weird to be here in One-derland. I am a 24 hour resident and waking up this morning just seemed cool. My first thought was that I had just finished my first day in One-derland! I just FEEL different. I realize it is technically a difference of 3 pounds between here and there, but it seems like a totally different state of mind to know that I am now shooting for getting out of..... wait for it..... the 190's!!! I set my mind and visualized for months the 190 somethings. Now my visualization is 189! It is fun, cool, exciting and exhilarating to be here! Having seen 3 bills for years, and having worked from 297 lbs. this time around, it just makes the whole journey so much more meaningful to me than it probably should be. In celebration of my achievement, I went to the park and took aim at a distance record for jogging and tried to get to 4 miles. I made it to 3.75 miles but was out of gas. I also decided maybe I should save some goals for later! I am going back this morning for another 3 miles. That is another aspect of me that amazes me. I had to huff and puff to walk around my half mile block in July !! I jog for 42 minutes straight now! Really? Really?

I wish I could package this feeling and let everybody that wants to start their own journey sample this feeling, see what it is like to get here. I so want to help people get here. It is an amazing feeling. It just is. Why can't I be better and have more opportunities to help folks? I think I am going to go jog and pray while I do it that God put somebody in my path so I can help them.

Friday, February 25, 2011

This Just In.........

So apparently in Wisconsin, the governor is trying to do something about unions and the Wisconsin Congress is backing him. Not sure how I feel about this......

Oh hell with it! I weigh 198 pounds as evidenced below!!!

God is truly an awesome God to have let me have this after not one but two crappy days in the past two weeks! He kept me focused and centered for the other 12 and made this great day possible! Than you God. And as per our deal, I won't go back.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Wow, That Was One Bad Night

So after yesterday's post about control, I went into mega snack mode last night! I was starving all day and it finally caught up to me. I was great until 8:30 or 9, was on a 900 calorie deficit for the day. Pretty sure I wound up with maybe 100 calorie deficit, but may have even wound up with a zero calorie deficit for yesterday. Not that I am hacked at myself, but sure would have rather had that happen on a day other than one that was 30 hours from a huge weigh in. But I had been hungry all day yesterday. I think I have been pushing a little hard on my workouts this week just to be sure on the weigh in, and I seriously spent yesterday hungry all day. Supper filled me up though, so in reality, my snack binge makes no sense. Now it wasn't all bad stuff. I had a couple of bananas, an ounce of lunch meat, a cheese stick. But I think where I lost control was 3 bowls of cereal with milk. Had I stopped at one, probably fine, but three? wow. So that happened. today is the day to get dust myself off, climb back on the wagon and do some introspection as to why I did that so I can not do that in the future. Not got a clue yet. May have been cause Kathy wasn't feeling well and was asleep all night and I got lonely. I have also been working really hard at work and school and on the Quorum Court stuff and that may have been some serious stress eating. I also think I have piled some stress on myself about this coming up weigh in. I have a feeling if the results are good, that will give me a high to ride for quite some time! I am betting last night will have been a minor speed bump on a great path to success in the grand scheme of things!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

It Isn't About A Fight, It Is About Control

I had an experience yesterday that made me open my eyes a little wider to something I knew but this was a clarifying experience. In the beginning of my journey, I was always in battle mode, I was going in for a fight and to show food it wasn't going to win!! I mean full on blaring music, setting my jaw during workouts and getting by on adrenaline alone, tense muscles and set resolve at the dinner table kind of battling. Seriously. So yesterday was one hell of a day schedule wise. I had work all day and school all night and I had no time in between. So it became evident that my stomach was not going to wait until 8:30 to be fed since I was starving after my walk at 1:30. I knew food was going to have to be bought, either gas station food or fast food. In the past, that would have set me into battle mode. yesterday, I pulled up to Wendy's drive thru speaker box, said 5 spicy chicken nuggets please, pulled up and paid and got my nuggets, and was gone. Never once an adrenaline rush, never once a set jaw, just calm, peaceful and easy going the whole time. Why? It wasn't a battle this time, it was me being in control. I didn't get the double burger with fries and a soda and a frosty for desert. That is not an option anymore. I got 225 calories worth of nuggets, and that was plenty for me. I can pull up to a speaker box and not blow my new lifestyle, because I am in control. I can come home at 8:30 at night, hungry as heck, and only eat some yogurt and a peanut butter celery stick, because I am in control. I can get up in the mornings and get myself on the treadmill for a workout, cause I am in control. None of these things are hard any more, they don't deserve my battle mind frame, they just are what they are and I have them UNDER CONTROL! it took me awhile to get there, but quite honestly, it is a journey worth taking folks!! I highly recommend it!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I Have To Be Realistic

Oh the tension continues folks. This coming Friday may be the biggest weigh in yet in my journey to date! If I make One-derland, that will be such a big boost, but should I by some miracle also make it to 197, that will be one hundred pounds lost! I will take 199 and gloat and cheer, but if I get to 100 pounds lost, look out neighborhood!! I may streak or something!!

With all this pressure to get to one or both of those goals this Friday, as you can imagine, I am particularly fascinated with my eating and exercise and making sure both are on target. I have to admit that the cookie incident probably was not helpful, but with the excess of calories I had burned working so hard that day, I still wound up with a 600 calorie deficit that day, but imagine how much more definite I could be about making those two goals if I hadn't had those calories! But with all this angst and all the mental gymnastics I am doing with my eating, I came to a huge realization yesterday. I am always thinking I am eating too much lately. Regardless of where my calorie count winds up, I still think 'man, you were out of control today!'. So I was going through my food log to try to see what my problem was and what I needed to do to fix it. It hit me, hey Shane, there is no problem! (excepting the cookie incident of course). This is like a tenth of what you used to eat. So I began to go through and envision each meal and snack I had written down for a few of the days on my log. One egg, one egg white fried, 90 calories, what count as half a cup of cereal and half a cup of milk, but what is not really either and it goes down as 110 calories, a banana, 100 calorie snack, a pita wrap and a 90 calorie pack of lunch meat, I count as 170 calories, 14 almonds, 90 calories, a fiber bar, 140 calories, supper is usually a 4 to 6 ounce meat serving, most often boneless skinless chicken breast, fish, some steaks, some pork chips perhaps some meatloaf or a hamburger patty, always at least one serving of veggies but usually two, lots of salad and always followed by an 80 calories fat free yogurt, and the night cap is always 1 or 2 tablespoons of butter on a celery stick and sometimes some fruit or another veggie serving. So just typing that reinforced what I already figured out yesterday. And it also put into perspective one of the reasons I was doubting myself yesterday. I had Quorum Court last night and before we met, the local 4H club was serving food outside in the lobby to show off their cooking skills. I have a very good friend and her daughter that are in the 4H and I was wanting to be supportive even though I had eaten supper already. I was only at 1180 calories, so I went through the food line and got half of one enchilada that a child I didn't know had made, half an enchilada that my friend Maddie had made and a slice of breakfast casserole that looked good. I did let one of the kids give me some pasta of some sort in a cheese sauce, but i didn't really eat it, I put it in the trash. So all told, I ate maybe 300 calories right there. But in my head, it seemed like I had eaten 600 and gone over budget and wow what was I thinking, I should have just kept walking, etc etc. I am glad I had 10 minutes to reflect when I got home and put it all into perspective. Hopefully I can finish out this week and not question myself at every turn and go crazy. I think hitting One-derland and possibly 100 pounds lost would go a long way in getting me settled down and comfortable again. I like pressure but I like when it is resolved too!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Size 32 Baby!!

Oh what a glorious weekend and how sad to have to end it with a Monday morning dang it! ;-)

I had a mixed bag of a weekend diet wise. I was way overly super active with a Friday jog of 3 miles in 31 minutes and then helped my friend Jason begin to clean out his garage after a Honda Civic missile going 75 miles and hour ran through it. Then there was another 3 miles jog in 31 minutes on Saturday followed by a full day of shoveling debris and removing it from Jason's garage. We also had a fight with the carpet that was in his old laundry room. The car had leaked gas on the carpet and the smell in the house was bad. We tried a couple of different things before realizing the carpet had to come out. That was the most intense 45 minutes of a workout I have ever had trying to pull the glued down carpet up so we could alleviate the gas smell. I still have sore hands and forearms and shoulders from that! And yesterday, I spent an hour and a half carrying 8 and 9 year old girls on my shoulders up and down the roadside by the Girl Scout cookie booth we set up out by our Braum's restaurant. Did pretty good sales wise but my legs were tired from marching back and forth balancing a child on my shoulders. Funny enough, most of them weigh about as much as I have lost so far! Finished out the day by going to Lowe's and buying some pots and potting soil and a few pansies and I finally found another rubber tree plant like the one I had stolen a few years ago for 7 dollars! I snatched that up! Anyway, we came home and spend a couple of hours planting lilies and another flower Kathy had me plant, and then I repotted my philadendrum after I split it up and now it is two plants in two much nicer pots! This year I hope to make my back deck more of a pleasant jungle like area.

oops got off track there sorry. Buuuut anyway, my eating, while not anything I am gonna stress about, may have been better and if I had not had that whole box of Samoa cookies, I would have been in a huge calorie deficit for the weekend. My figures have me in a good deficit anyway, but it would have been a HUGE one without those damn cookies!! I am wishing I had not opened that box now, but that is the past and the future is the only thing I have control over.

This morning begins an angst ridden week for me now. I weigh in on Friday and the goal is to get to One-derland this week! I was at 201 last weigh in, so it seriously means I have to have dropped 2 pounds, and that should be a non issue as active as I have been and plan to be over the next few days. I also like that going to work and how busy my schedule is this week in outside activities will keep me on track diet wise. Add all that together and it is looking like a one hundred something pound Shane is on his way!

I had the thrill of a lifetime yesterday. I had asked Kathy about me maybe buying some jean shorts that fit soon because I am a shorts kind of guy when the warm weather gets here. I have always had nice legs and like to show them off. so we went to Wal Mart and she remembered my request and had me go try some on. I have been wearing 34's in pants at the office and some of them have had a bit of room in them lately, so she got me a 33 waist in a pair of shorts to try on. I went in the dressing room and put them on. I was pretty satisfied but went to see if they would be too tight on my hip bone and I stuck my thumb in to see what kind of room I had. My thumb fit easily in there and I could pull the waist away from me about a half inch!! I frikkin' bought size 32 inch waist shorts folks!!! I am feeling fairly confident that in 9th grade, I was wearing a 36!!!!! Seriously? Wow Wow Wow Wow, this lifestyle change is paying off in spades!!!! Thank and Glory to God's Name!! You are the Man sir!!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing!!

My best friend got his garage ran through by a drunk driver doing an estimated 75 miles an hour on Thursday early morning. It destroyed the garage and it literally looked like a bomb had gone off in there. So I have been helping him get it cleaned out enough so that he and his wife and get the stuff out of the rubble that needs to be claimed on insurance written down before the contractors come in and just chunk it all. We made some great progress yesterday after 6 hours of hard manual labor. Add that onto the second day in a row of a 3 mile run in 31 minutes, and I had me quite the calorie deficit going on yesterday! There is where the title comes in. So I conked out on the couch last night after trying to finish Top Shot on History Channel. The main reason I woke up was that I was hungry again. Enter the Samoa Girl Scout cookies. Yeah, you guessed it. What was going to be 5 cookies turned into all 15 in the packet! Here is the sad part. Still wound up with a 600 calorie deficit for the day! But looking back, 1500 would have been better! Here is the funny thing. I am not freaked out about it. I did it, I owned it, but I have no fear of it. I mean I have shown myself time after time that an incident like that is not going to de-rail the Shane Train. And in my head, I think that is how those skinny people we all long to be operate. You get a freebie every once in awhile, just stay on path 97% of the time is all. In the beginning of all this, I was fighting the food, determined to be all big bad and tough and show food I didn't need it ever! I was not going to indulge and it couldn't make me! It seems as I have built my better eating habits and come into my own in the exercise and activity world, letting it go every once in awhile has really done wonders for me and made it so much less taxing to stay on track most of the time. I only worry that it will become a slowly developing habit to allow it a little more often and a little more often until things get back to old ways. I think that is one of the things this blog does for me. I am open and honest on here and seeing that I did that in black and white makes me realize its possible ramifications, and that sets my mind that it will not.

I also thing getting to below 200 will steel my resolve to never get there again, whatever needs to be done to keep me there taking priority! I have spoke to God on more than one occasion and said you get me there and I will not go back! I can't go back on that now can I?

Well I better get this coffee drank and get on the laundry around here. We managed to get pretty far behind and Kathy needs some help getting it caught up. I hope to get some other work done around here and go help Jason some more today. Ya'll have a wonderful Sunday!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

On Top Of The World!

It is Saturday morning, and I am still feeling the rush from my accomplishment on Friday morning!! I took my butt out to the park, hopped on the trail, and took off jogging. Not that I haven't done that before but this time was special. I had decided to see where I stood in advance of the 5k I am entering on March 19. So I take off, and I am feeling so good! I had taken Thursday off as a day of recovery in general as I was sore and stiff all over. I managed to not do anything, but I am pretty sure that may have been the root cause of my grumpiness all day Thursday. I digress. So as I finish that first lap, I am thinking really? No tiredness, no hard breathing? Is this really me? So I head into the second lap and finally about half way through it, I am like well I can tell I am jogging but still, no real noticeable effects. So third lap I do feel it finally but I am 2.25 miles in though. I don't deny that my last 3/4 of a mile was a bit of a struggle, but not like it should have been. I mean wow, am I really doing this? My final numbers? 3 miles, 31 minutes!!! If my memory serves, that puts me at worst middle of the pack, probably middle front!! So now I am totally looking forward to next months 5k!

But here is the more amazing part. I am doing it again this morning! I am sore, but not so sore that I can't go again! I think all the uphill training I have been doing on the treadmill throughout the week has got me in pretty good shape! God is good baby!!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Really, Who Would Have Guessed This About Me A Year Ago?

So I get up this morning after a couple of snooze buttons. I swing my legs out of bed, feel that the soreness is still there but has dissipated quite a bit and the first thing I think? Gonna be a great run in the park this morning! With this warm weather hitting us, and the fact that I don't work on Fridays, I have kinda decided that weather permitting, it is time to begin jogging in the park on Fridays and that thought just absolutely makes me overjoyed! A year ago, I had trouble walking around my block people! and it is a half mile! Now I am determined that today is the first day I jog three miles straight while not on the treadmill. I like running on land, I can adjust my pace automatically and take hills both up and down into account and honestly, my mind wanders more when I jog on land because I don't have to focus on staying in the middle of the treadle either. Not that the treadmill has not been a wonderful tool this winter and it has kept me moving forward in my weight loss when it would have been easy to stall out until the spring got here. I just love being outdoors and get a great deal more joy out of the thought of all the different locales I can go jogging. We are going to go either camping or cabin staying at a couple of state parks this summer. One is going to be Devil's Den, our favorite and most local park. I can just envision me climbing out of the tent or walking out of the cabin and taking a morning jog around nature's beauty and it makes me feel all mushy inside. really? where did Fat Shane go? oh who cares, I like this new Shane better anyway!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Oh Those Mental Gymnastics, Gotta Love'em

Good fine morning Blogland. I am up and at'em and ready for a new day. Mostly because I got aggravated with the old one... haha. I have been ramping up my workouts some the last week or so to try to make sure that I comfortably make it into Onederland on February 25th. I have been loving finding that my threshold for pushing myself has grown much higher than I ever could have imagined it 6 months ago. It is very empowering! However, yesterday was quite a challenge for me in the eating department, and ultimately, I wound up caving at around 7 last night. I didn't go all super binge or anything, but the starvation I felt all day yesterday finally got to me, and I don't know if it was rationalization or what, but I finally said to myself "self, go get some food and get satiated dammit. sitting around starving is sucking!" So although I had had my usual meals and snacks already, I went ahead and had some extra food for the day. I wound up getting an ounce of my special cheese I got from Sam's last week, about two ounces of potato salad, three cookies, a half of a leftover hamburger patty, about two ounces of deli lunchmeat. I know that all put me over 2000 calories for the day, but I have to admit, I woke up feeling better today than I have in days! Even before my morning coffee. So I have to wonder, was it really that I needed some nourishment due to overtraining, or did my mind just rationalize a binge? I would like to think I am past just eating to eat, but I don't know that I am. I know I am on track mentally this morning. There is no urge to go off the path today. In fact, I was thinking since I am taking the day off working out, I may even shoot for a big calorie deficit today, like 1100 or so to maybe mitigate yesterday. I hate just trying to figure things out sometimes, especially with this upcoming weigh in having so much riding on it! does anybody have any thoughts? I am glad to have this forum if nothing else than to write this stuff down and mull through it, but I do love it when I get some input from my peeps! often times, your objectivity helps me see something I may have missed.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Yup, That Did The Trick

I posted yesterday how blogging has helped me so much in my journey, and how I had been losing some momentum recently. I believe it all came rushing back after yesterday's post and a great day of eating and exercise! I went to bed last night after 1345 wonderful calories last night! I have not gone BELOW my limit in quite sometime! I liked it so much, I may try to get below limit tomorrow night too!

So I wonder, has anybody else become obsessed with numbers due to their logging food, calories burned, etc? I am not sure my new obsession is normal, but it is comforting to me and that is part of this journey right? Finding newer and better comfort zones. My newest obsession is now to figure out how many calories I have burned via BMR and exercise up that that point in the day and see what kind of calorie deficit I am in, and close to the end of the night, I figure out my calorie count for the day, add it the hours I will be asleep and my BMR calories burned and get a total for the day. I am trying even harder than ever to keep my calorie deficit in the 1000 a day range. I always get around that, sometimes more sometimes less but in that area. Is this a healthy way to spend my time? haha.

Oh man did I have my work cut out for me yesterday morning! I really had to push it to get my 5mph, 5 incline, 2.25 miles goal yesterday! My sore butt and legs were protesting strongly by about 3 minutes in and it takes 27 minutes to get to 2.25 miles! I usually get myself through by feeling good about getting to the first half mile, then the mile then the second mile and then it is a minutes countdown, but yesterday, I was pushing and huffing and digging deep folks! But I love that I CAN do that now. That was what struck me the most. 6 months ago, I didn't have the lung capacity or the muscles to even THINK about pushing it for 24 minutes past my comfort zone! Today, I CAN and DO! Another facet of my new self I am loving, when I get done working out, I am breathing hard and sweating hard, but 5 minutes later, I am good! I recover so fast now. It really is shocking to me.

Those are the yay things, but here is my boo thing. I am going through this phase where it looks to me, and i may not be the best judge of this, that an optical illusion is taking place. It seems my belly is growing bigger. I suspect my ab wall is tightening, and as it does it draws up the fat and skin I have in that area. I had a hellacious muffin top, and now I don't any longer. My guess is as I burn off the belly fat and the ab wall tightens, I will get a flatter belly. But man it sux to be looking like I am gaining weight when I am losing!

Well I have to go hop on the treadmill as usual. I am doing a pre programmed workout today, and likely gonna take tomorrow off so I can go jog at the park on Friday!! I get a little to excited about that huh? haha. Have a great day folks!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I Remember Now

And now I remember why I wanted this blog so bad in the beginning. Accountability. I am not saying I have fallen off the wagon, cause I haven't. But it seems lately, I am losing some forward momentum. I am keeping my exercise up, I have not began to over eat again, but the urge to have a great work out is dwindling here lately and the thoughts of permissive eating has poked its head up a few times more than I would like. With that being said, permissive eating in its newest form is a wholly different animal than it used to be, but we all know, give an inch, take a mile is our motto in this club. I am going to start being a bit more conscientious about my blogging again.

I think that another aspect of blogging lies in the fact that you get to work out your issues in black and white. I know for me, anyway, actually seeing the problem I am having being recorded, being mulled over, being acknowledged, is empowering. It takes the the scared child out of the shadows, and gives him light and hope and takes the fear away. Cause I am scared. I am in uncharted territory, territory I desperately want to stay in, and history has shown me, I don't get to do that! Holy crap that sentence just thunder struck me!! That is what I am afraid of right now! My history says I don't get to keep this! I think my competitive urges literally just kicked in as I typed out that sentence. I DO GET TO KEEP IT, AND I WILL! This is a gift from God, and I will make good on my promise to Him. You get me there and I will keep me there!

On a lighter note, I have been frikkin' rockin' the runnin' here lately. I got to go outside and jog the neighborhood on Sunday, and I tore it up! The hill on my other side of the block is a much higher grade than I ever realized when walking it, I will tell you that right now. 5 trips up it and it made me realize I am still a jogger in the making, not a jogger yet.... haha. But it was a great workout, and I finished it with a sense of pride and accomplishment like I have never known. It was funny because after that workout, I was so tired and sore, and Kathy laid it on me that we were going to go ahead and go hiking at Lake Fort Smith that day! It is a pretty strenuous trail and folks, let me tell you, after 2.5 miles jogging and 2.5 miles of strenuous hiking, Sunday left me a tarred (yes, we say tarred in the south, tired to the rest of the US) and satisfied man. I was sure a sore sore man yesterday, so I skipped jogging and did a good chest workout. I thought it was a genius move until I got to the park yesterday and got started on my walking. My legs felt fine until I hit that first uphill climb, and suddenly, I knew it was one of those days. I knew I was gonna have to push hard despite being sore, and I was up for that challenge! I got the three laps and 2.25 miles in and made a few of the other walkers look pretty slow! NSV in my book!

Ok, this has been great for my attitude this morning. I am going to see about getting back to blogging more consistently. Oh hell, I forgot. I weighed in last Friday and lost 4 more pounds to 201 pounds!!! I am so excited cause that means I should be able to hit my One-derland goal on the 25th! It will take some doing on my part, but I think I am up to the task!

It was great to see ya'll again and I am going to try to get back to a more regimented blogging schedule. I really have missed this. It has been such a big part of my journey and I need it more than knew apparently. Thanks for being there boggers and bloggerettes, ya'll are so awesome!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Yeah, God Does Love Me

My Momma has told me multiple times that when I was a baby, she took me to the altar at this little church in Cove Creek she attended as a child and with only her, me and God there, dedicated me to God and asked that he keep his hand of protection over me all my life. I can honestly say that I believe so much of the good stuff that happens to me is a result of that one day. But Saturday, more than ever, I felt the benefit of that request. I went to take the last LSAT offered before the beginning of the fall semester at UA School of Law. This was literally the last chance I had to get into law school for the next year. I asked and prayed and believed in the fact that He would be helping me out, guiding my hand and giving me countenance and wisdom in my answers. He not only did that, he did something that I will say right here and now is a miracle. The test booklet I had, it only had 1 section out of 5 that was the logic games I just cannot do! So 4 our of the 5 sections were just me reading and answering questions, which I rock at!!! I left that room with the biggest fullest happiest heart I can ever recall having. And my first phone call was to Momma to thank her for taking me to that altar. I love her!

To add to what was seemingly the best day already, I got to hang out with my Fredrick clan! I miss Vicki and Jessica and Leah and Gary and Jaden! They mean so much to me and the fact that both families are not well off enough to go back and forth anymore sucks. I wish we lived one town over or something so I could be more involved in the kids lives and hang out with Vicki. One day, when I am making much more money, I will have the opportunity to go up there more and have the kids down more often!

Ok, I hogged my weigh loss blog with personal stuff long enough. I have had just an excellent weekend! Friday I had a hell of a run! I finally got to my goal of 2.25 miles at 5 mph and 5 incline! I am gonna do that some more this week and next weeks goal is gonna be 2.5 miles at 5 mph and 5 incline! Aaaaand if I can be patient, I think if I let the day light break this morning I can go jogging outside today! I got home late last night but it looked like my roads were thawed out and dried up here in the neighborhood!! If so I am gonna let it get warmed up by the sun and get out for some good jogging!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

And Yet Another Change

So I was thinking about the fact I have been spotty on my blogging lately. I am not sure it is as big of a deal as I am making of it. I just have been busy and by the time I think of doing it, I am still busy or tired or something, something keeps me from doing it. And I think one of the things that is creating this feeling of guilt for not blogging every day is the fact that I put my day number on the post. So if I am not here for a couple of days, then it shows me that, then the guilty feelings set in. So, this morning, it hit me. I am not REQUIRED to put the day number on my post! So, I am going to stop doing it. I am still going to aspire to blog as often as possible, but if life gets in the way, well then I am not going to give myself a reason to feel guilty when I don't. There I feel like a weight has been lifted.

So, apart from Super Bowl Sunday's debacle, I have been doing great! Even in all the dang snow we have been having, I am cruising along! I am hopeful that my One-derland miracle happens tomorrow, but my instincts tell me I am not gonna see it tomorrow. I am pretty good at this guessing too. It won't be for lack of effort, as I have gone on to jogging in the morning and walking 2.25 miles at lunch, but my gut tells me my One-derland miracle will happen on February 25th. if it does happen tomorrow morning, I promise, you will hear about it. And not on blogger or Facebook, I mean you will literally hear me yell!

I was chillaxin' for a minute in my recliner the other day and kinda sorta fell asleep. I was laid out in my relaxed position and when I woke up, I saw this:

It really did hit me that I have made some amazing and crazy changes! I remember many days of making a joke of my huge belly by beating it like a bongo and proclaiming I was ripe, and all sorts of jokes. That belly, he isn't around anymore! It is something that you would think would be commonplace by now, but I have to admit, I am always in awe each time I realize the changes I have made. I think that is a key to being successful in maintenance mode. Keep on being thankful for the changes and never take them as "normal" now.

I am snowed and iced in for yet another day today. I have decided that I am going to assign myself projects today. First off, I am going to be getting my usual workout in this morning. Then I a going to take a second pass through my closet and get rid of even more clothes that don't fit me anymore as I have been slowly but surely picking up a few clothes here and there that fit me. I still have some shopping to do, but I will get there eventually. I am also going to work on the garage some today I think. I am going to have to figure out how to put my workout stuff out there cause Kathy wants our spare bedroom back now. And that is ok, I get that. But our garage is bad about being a catch all and my organizational skills are nearly non existent. but that is an advantage because that will give me something to work on today and if I am bad at it, it will take me awhile... haha.

Well I better get after the treadmill this morning. I really really look forward to being able to get outside for jogging when the weather warms up. I have even been planning routes to jog around my area when the time comes. I have lots of hills and stuff around here, so I should be able to get in some really good shape this spring and summer! Have a great day ya'll!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 208-209 Oh No He Di'n't, Oh Wait, He Did.... Dang IT!

So the best laid plans and all you know. I kinda decided to go against the plan for Super Bowl Sunday, take the chains completely off, and just do what I have always done for Super Bowl Sunday, to the tune of 6 peices of pizza, a few twice baked mini potatoes, and three, count'em folks, three cupcakes. Wanna know what I learned from all that? I don't eat like that anymore. Not only was it not fulfilling, it made me physically ill. It not only didn't make me want to go back to eating like a pig on crap food, it took me exactly the other way. I have had a brand new appreciation for the way I eat now and the way it makes me feel so much better. It was really, honestly and truly a joy to get back to my calorie counting today. I kid you not. I had this pain in my gut last night, it was just not cool. I felt tired and sluggish when I woke up this morning. The only saving grace was the endorphin high I got from this mornings jog. It was awesome-er than usual today. I also had a great walk at lunch. I got hard headed about the fact that the sun was out today and I was determined to walk outside at the park. Well I did it, and about lost all my extremities to frost bite..... and would do it all again baby! it was great! I got 2 1/4 miles jogging and 2 1/4 miles walking in today. And I have been lower than usual for my calorie count. Out of a negative, comes a positive. A brand new appreciation for all the things I have come to take for granted in this great journey!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day Day 208 Where Did It GO?

I am a creature of habit, more so than anybody I have ever known. That fact has served me well in the past and that fact has screwed me in the past. I mean I got well over 300 pounds because I developed a habit of a heck of a lot of snacking on a heck of a lot of unhealthy food. But, in this new lifestyle, I have developed the habit of no more than 700 calories before 5 o clock, a morning workout every day but on of the week, I have to have in 80 of water by noon, etc etc. Now, one of my pre lifestyle change habits was to sit on the couch, watch tv, and often use my belly as a table for the drink I had, the bowl or plate that had whatever snack I had at the time, but most often, for the remote or my cell phone. I would sit there and just veg out, watch tv, and be a slob. So for the first time in quite some time, I actually sat on my couch and watched tv yesterday. I got involved in Top Shot, a show on the History Channel about these people that are well known shooters that are expected to use a variety of weapons on shooting challenges. Anyway, I got drawn in for a couple of hours yesterday, and Kathy wasn't feeling well so the couch was empty. I sat and watched tv and here is a memory for me for the rest of my lifetime! I was in my tv watching position, all relaxed, terrible posture, ready to veg, and I went to put the tv remote on my former "table" and it slid right down!!! I am sure that reading it is not as hilarious as experiencing it, but dang I laughed so hard. It fell right into my lap and for about 2 seconds, it stunned me!! I had no idea how to react then I laughed and laughed!

ON a much less funny note, I am dealing with some weird injury in my side/rib cage. I got it when I was pushing Lauren down the hill during the storm the other day. I fell over at the bottom of the hill and felt a tweeking sensation on my right just below the rib cage. It hurt a little, but it went away immediately. But, it has hung on and it effects me if I bend down or twist just right. I jogged with it yesterday and it did ok on level ground, but hurt on inclines. Not unbearable pain, but certainly let you know it is there pain. I hope to shake that pretty quick! I am thinking I am going to make this mornings and afternoons workouts just some moderately intense walking on the treadmill. Well I just looked at my weather bug and it says that it is 34 here. I may just bundle up and do some outside walking this morning. I haven't done a 5 miler in a couple or three weeks. That could be fun. I love the introspection time I get when I walk like that.

Today is the Super Bowl. I have to admit, I have not got the usual excitement I do for the game. I am not particularly invested in the game, don't really care who wins. This just isn't a sexy Super Bowl matchup. We are, in theory at least, going to the Hunters and celebrating. We are watching the weather real close to see how that shakes out. The weather folks are saying sleet and snow and they live around 20 miles away, so if the road conditions look too bad, we may be watching at home! I hope not because we bought a huge batch of cupcakes and I would hate to be looking at those for as long as it would take to get rid of them! I hope everyone has a great Super Bowl Sunday and that you enjoy yourself without causing feeling so guilt!! as for me, I will have a hamburger, some sausage balls and maybe possibly a cup cake, but I will definitely be keeping this coming Friday on my mind. I need me to be pulling into One-derland baby, and that train is on the express track!!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Day 207 I Had "One of Those Days"

I had "one of those days". Now before I expound upon that, I want to make a bet that every person reading this automatically is thinking that I had a bad day, a frustrating day or has somehow assumed that there is a negative connotation to those words I have in quotation marks. One thing I have learned along this long and winding road, you have to learn to redefine things and how your perceive them. For example, I now can look at a plate of food that would have seemed to me to be an intermediate amount of food, and think it is a lot of food now. I can now think about a Burger King Number 1, and think, wow, that is so not good. I can now be 15 minutes into a good jog and think "ok, just 15 more minutes till I am done". These are great things to realize. And that is the basis for my claim that "I had one of those days" in this post. It was one of those days where I can see that all the hardships and difficulties that I endured in the beginning, the going against my "instincts" and changing my eating behaviors, my activity levels, and my attitudes towards both are really starting to show off in spades the huge amount of benefits that come from making the huge changes needed to be successful in this journey we have all taken on. For example, I had a great jog. Seriously, it was so satisfying. Apart from having to do it on the treadmill, it was heavenly. I have been working on jogging on an incline for 2 miles straight, no stopping or turning down the speed or incline. Yesterday, I did it! I went 5 mph on a 4 incline for a full 2 miles!! I also had just a phenomenal eating day. On target all day long. I also had some non-regimented activity by going out and pushing Lauren up and down the big hill in her "sled" which was really a laundry basket. It was fun and certainly not something I could have done 7 months ago. Just saying. I also got to wear my size 34 pants yesterday!! I am shocked that the reality is I could eventually be a size 32!! To keep adding, I also got a second workout in, although at much less intensity, because as I have talked about, I am in major push mode to try to get to One-derland!! I hit a weight loss workout on the treadmill, albeit one of the easier ones, just to make sure I was in a decent calorie deficit for the day. All of these things, everyone of them, were only distant hopes on July 16, 2010. Stuff I dreamed of happening one day, was only marginally confident that I would be able to achieve. Seriously folks, it is all worth it to get to this point! And having "one of those days" also helps me look even further into the future. Like for example, I have lost good deal of weight, that is a know factor to ya'll. but I am having skin pooling issues on my belly. ONe thing I have noticed though is that as I keep jogging and my abs begin to get in better shape, that skin pooling is getting better. In fact, I can barely even get two hand fulls now like I could a month ago. I think what is happening is that as my ab wall tightens, it just keeps pulling my skin up and in with it. Plus I drink tons of water and that keeps your skin more supple, rather than saggy. So now I am dreaming of next year this time, my skin starting to look more normal and the possibility of a shirtless appearance in summer 2012!!!!

Well I have a little girl that is dying to get some snow man making and snow bike riding in today, so I better get off here and see what needs to be done before we get out there and freeze our hineys off.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Day 206 Winter Dreams of Spring and Summer Themes

So it seems that most of the Continental US is having some contact with winter weather this week. And I have to be honest, I am not a fan. I am an Arkansan for those who don't know that already, and this is not my cup o' tea folks. I am used to much milder winters. In fact, I can recall a decade of not ever getting a significant amount of snow during any of those winters. And I was ok with that. So yesterday, I found myself day dreaming at work. I had this vision of me on a State Park trail on a warm spring day, me and my girls headed up a mountain or hanging out by a waterfall with a picnic, and not dreading that I will not have enough energy to finish this hike or be dog tired the rest of the day. Or me and my crew with the Fredrick crew at Beaver Lake camping and swimming and fishing, and me not thinking about the fact that I am the fattest guy around. I also was thinking about me and Kathy and Lauren at Silver Dollar City and me in those amusement park ride lines with nary a thought in my head about will I fit? Quite frankly, I am so looking forward to this summer. So much so that it is often the one thing that keeps me motivated to do winter workouts. I have talked about it before, my talent in life is my vision to realize this moment is temporary, that as much as it may suck right now, it will be over at some point,and I focus on making it to that point. It is how I got through a lot of football practices, it is how I get through a lot of winter treadmill workouts. Just keep focus on the future and off of now. I will realize the benefits of what is sucking right now, in the spring and summer of 2011!!!! I started my journey in July of 2010 and I saw so many benefits before the weather turned cold, but I have imagine that I will be seeing so many more this spring and summer than i could ever imagine. I mean wow, I will be jogging on beautiful park trails, I will be swimming, maybe even with no shirt, in gorgeous lakes. I will be getting to do yard work, without getting winded 5 minutes in. I will get to graduate, and this graduation picture, I will be at least a hundred pounds thinner than in my Associates Degree graduation picture! How fun will that be? Come on spring and summer 2011!!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Day 205 Huh, How Did That Happen?

Man I am going stir crazy! We have been snowed in for two days now. Well a day and a half. We got out last night and drove to town to check on the roads and they look a lot better now. I love that I am going back to work tomorrow! I am not good with days off. I was already going stir crazy by Tuesday afternoon to be honest. I was never more glad to have a treadmill than I was the past two days! I have kept it up my workouts, to the point that I am so sore and worn out that I am glad to have Thursday off for the first time in quite some time. I have really been pushing myself for the last week since my weigh in. I am determined to be either below 200 or so close that the next weigh in is below 200 no matter what!

So our stir craziness and trip to town wound up with us going to eat at our favorite little Mexican restaurant, La Fiesta. We have eaten here many times and we love the place. They serve some comida excellente mis amigos! (Like my bi-lingualism?) But, don't flip out on me thinking I have fallen off the wagon, cause I am about to reveal an NSV that I didn't even realize was an NSV until tonight, even though it has been going on for awhile now. I know that most Mexican restaurants offer their "meals", consisting of an entre, the rice and beans and prolly some guac or pico and some salad with sour cream. I don't order those anymore. It turns out, they have a la carte people! Guess who has ordered a la carte the last 5 or 6 times I have been there? Did you guess yet? Oh,that a be a me!! The last few times I ordered a beef taco and a side of pico de gallo. Last night I went for the fajita quesadilla and a side of pico de gallo. It was delicious and the whole thing I over guesstimated to be around 600 calories! I am also so proud that I have adopted the habit of 5 chips with salsa, rather than mindlessly eating them until the food gets to the table. It is huge for me to know I am there in my journey. I think that if I could share one thing with the people that are just getting started, it would be that although it is hard in the beginning, if you keep your focus, and really start sticking to your guns with the changes you want to make, it no longer is a struggle, it is how you live, and the challenge is taken out of it. I am not a skinny person, in fact, I will always be a fat guy. But I have taken on the habits that us fat guys have admired in skinny people for so long, and that makes me happy. 5 chips and salsa? not a challenge anymore, a habit. Ordering a la carte, just another day. But on the other side of the spectrum? Thanksgiving dinner, man I am stuffed. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Thank you Jesus for all that food. Now back to the regularly scheduled program. As we all know, the Super Bowl is this weekend, and I am going to my friend Jason's house to watch the game and partake in a Super Bowl party which will include sausage balls and grilled hamburgers. And I will not listen to death metal and psyche myself up to "do battle" with my choices. I will go, I will enjoy in moderation, and I will wake up Monday and get right back on the treadmill, make all my usual food choices, and keep on keeping on, just like skinny folks do. So newbies, that is what you have to look forward to if you play this right. You keep climbing that hill, I will see you on the other side, okay?

Okay, this part is an edit added on after I posted above. I realized that I had not updated my ticker on the bottom for my last two weigh ins, so I went ahead and did that right quick like. I like the weight numbers obviously, but holy crap, I just saw my BMI starting and current numbers!! I started at a 45 and am now down to a 31? really? how frikkin' cool is that? I got a bit of an adrenaline rush when I saw that number! Holy smokes I am pumped!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Day 202-204 My Mission.... And I Choose To Take It!

Dang this is getting out of hand folks! My daily blogging has slipped and I have to admit, it is not something I like. I love to blog. Just seems like life keeps getting in the way lately. But to be honest, I am not putting a high enough priority on it either. I could have blogged yesterday but I didn't because I have become kinda complacent. Not in the exercise or eating phases of my journey, but just on the blogging aspect. I have been busier in general in my life, I don't deny that, but still, it takes 15 minutes of my day and I enjoy it, so I need to focus.

So one thing I have not mentioned in my last few blogs, and I have no idea why, is the fact that there is a a growing population of size large shirts and size 34 pants in this household! I have been picking up some tshirts and what not that are reasonably priced here lately. I am falling in love with Old Navy clothes now that i can wear them! It is such a rush to go into a store like that and know I can find something.....wait.... let me rephrase that. I should be able to find something. I have experienced a weird phenomena lately while clothes shopping. I used to be so hopeful that I would be able to find 3X shirts in places like Old Navy, and before this grand and wonderful journey began, I was accusing Wal Mart of being prejudiced against fat people all the sudden because their 3X clothes were becoming harder and harder to find. Now, I have to admit, it is hard to find the large clothes at Wal Mart! I saw a shirt I loved yesterday, thought it was pretty hot looking. it was 8 bucks so I was going to get it! Seriously, two mediums, 4 XL's and even 2 3X's!!! but no larges! dammit Jim! so no new shirt for Shane. But I do have some of those new breathable tshirts from Old Navy that I picked up last week! again, love those things!

I have a mission as the title says. I am, at last weigh in, at 205 pounds. In the past, it has been possible for me to lose as much as 8 pounds, with some good effort on my part, in two weeks. I have committed myself to making real efforts to try to get 6 pounds off before my next weigh in on February 11th. Now, I am realistic that my weight loss has slowed lately as I am in better shape and closer to a normal weight ( not close, just closer!) One thing I have changed up is that I started jogging first thing in the morning at home, rather than walking at Wal Mart before work. Somehow, that translated into me not walking at lunch like i used to, mostly due to sore muscles and partly due to laziness on my part. So I am committed to returning to my lunchtime workouts too. I also have abandoned my initiative to up my calories to 1800 calories a day. For some reason, 1500 calories a day has become my comfort zone. I know it is three hundred more calories, but it seemed I was having to FIND WAYS to get there, and it was not comfortable for me. I have began to be a bit more flexible in terms of if I get to 1600 for the day, I am ok with it, but I refuse to shoot for getting to 1800 if I am not close for the day. I am however a little concerned with a new habit I have formed. I am letting myself get a small snack right before I go to bed, like an 80 calorie cheese stick or maybe a banana or something like that. I would rather not do that. It is too permissive for my comfort. There I talked about it, that should make it a lot easier for me to deal with now! Wait, I got off my train of thought there.... haha. So anyway, I hope to get below 200 pounds on February 11th, but I also realize that it may not happen, so the Plan B in all this is that if I do not get there on the 11th, then I want to be close enough to it that the February 25th weigh in will see Shane in One-derland!!! Now I didn't ever talk about this, but back during my walks in Wal Mart during the mornings, I would often get this premonition that February had a special surprise for me in this journey. Now that the numbers are more clear, I believe that One-derland was what I was channeling! Is that weird sounding?