Can you say sunbuuuuuuurn? Oh man, I screwed up. I got out early this morning to get my lawn work done, but there were mechanical issues with my mower, so I had to fix it before I could mow. Well the delay put me behind and I was so focused on getting the yards mowed today that I forgot to put sunblock on!! I got the yards all mowed, the a/c units that didn't work loaded up, and the weed killer sprayed on my back yard.
I was so focused because Kathy and I were going to our friends the Hunter's for a small cook out get together. I was hamburgers and hot dogs and it was yummy. I planned ahead for it and I saved 1300 calories in my bank to take over there. I am glad to say, I was successful in sticking with that even through temptation. Jason makes really good burgers and sausage balls and I knew the test of my resolve would be at hand when I got there. But I had made my mind up, I would enjoy the food, but in reasonable quantities. So I had two sausage balls, two burgers, and two hot dogs for a total of 980 calories ( it was turkey hot dogs and the burger patties are small as are the buns) and was still 320 calories in the black, so I had two spoonfuls of the homemade ice cream that Izetta brewed up. I figured it for 100 calories. Prolly high but that is my motto, guess high when in doubt! So that left just enough room for a sliver of the vanilla creme cake Kathy bought to take over there and I had about a 1 inch sliver for what I guessed at 150 calories. I ate a couple of carrot sticks with ranch and that was the balance of my bank for the day.
Herein lies my problem. I am honestly still hungry. Not starving, but hungry. I would say it is likely because I worked hard outside all day and my body is in a calorie deficit, but I don't want to eat. I don't want to open that door. In the past, I have always rationalized a "step off the path" for a day like today, where I got a great deal of physical activity and was low on my calorie count, so hey live a little. Go to the cook out, eat, you can get back on plan tomorrow. One think I am determined to do is take the well known stories of my life, and change the endings. I am writing all new stories, ones with happy endings. Ones where I do fight the urges, ones where I succeed. Ones where food doesn't win. I do wonder though. And maybe Sean is the guy to ask this. Will there ever be a time when I won't THINK about food at all? I mean on the drive home, all I could think about was the fact I was hungry and that I didn't need to eat cause my bank was out. But even with that thought, I am still THINKING about food, even if it is to determine I am not going to eat it. Does that ever stop? Does food ever become ancillary to life? I don't know any other ending than failing, so I have to wonder, does winning mean not thinking about food. I realize you have to think about your choices, but does that having to think about not eating ever get beat out of you? I choose to believe it will. I know my attitudes now are so much different than they used to be towards food. I am only 13 days in and food has lost a great deal of control over me. I know that in the future, I expect that I will adapt the eat to live, not live to eat attitude. I look forward to it. It may be hard work , there by be bad days, but I will get there! As for now, still hungry, still thinking about NOT EATING! So I am filling up on water and fixing to go to bed. I almost fell prey to the "Shane's rationalization" bug a few minutes ago and I don't wanna do that! So I will chalk this day up to another test and say I believe I passed it. I am yawning my fool head off, so I better sign off here. Please, keep on inspiring me, and I will try to do the same for you!!!!