Day 89 I Carried It Well? C'mon!!

Greetings and salutations my good blogging friends. I am in an infinitely better spot today than I was for last night's post. I was downright grumpy last night. I got a little ahead in the game today and I have to say, it is nice. My class got canceled, so the test I was going to stay up late drinking coffee to take got taken while at school for the class that got canceled. So I came home to find that Kathy had made a healthier version of Sheppard's pie because she loves me so much!! It was yummy, but even the healthy version is a calorie trap. I got myself a small bowl out and got enough to fill it about 3/4 full and that was my allotment of Sheppard's pie. I have to admit, I still want bigger portions of stuff, like tonight, I did want more than I got, but I think the important thing is that I keep on wanting but not getting. I assume that eventually, the common sense side of me will take over, and what is left over of PJS will just eventually give up the wanting more and stroll away. I love that it is not an internal struggle with a pre-determined outcome any longer, I know that. I couldn't count the amount of times I would try to talk myself out of this or that food, knowing full well I lost the battle before I ever started fighting. It is nice to be winning these days.

So I have to wonder, something. How may of you were ever told or told yourselves this outrageous falsity during our heaviest days: "you carry it really well". I was both told that, and told myself that on many occasions. So, I am going through some hard copy pictures that Kathy had printed off of our vacation in June of this year, and ummm I found this:

Carrying that well aren't I? So while I was back at Kathy's computer stealing this from her, I came across another picture that shows me "carrying it well" here:

I think I may have put this one on  here before, but still, check that out. So tell me that wasn't some hellacious rationalization going on! One of my co-workers heard one of my stories today and when I was done telling her the whole thing and explaining my motivation, she said Shane, you are in the right business with logic like yours! I laughed pretty hard.


Well those are the bleeecch pics that show how we can lie to ourselves and be lied to by our friends and family. I honestly thought "yeah I am fat, but I carry it well" on a regular basis. So this is a picture of me at 255, which was  few pounds ago but it is the most recent I have:

and a side angle too:

Am I a work on progress? Yes I am , but I am a great deal down the road from where I started on July 17, 2010 and I have a lot of people to thank for it, yourselves included. Thanks so much bloggy friends for giving me a forum to be me, to explore being me, to get support and advice and all the things that are so important when you are trying to lose weight. Thanks to my family and friends also. I have a great support system and I appreciate it so much. but please, don't lie to me anymore!!  haha.

Good night friends!!