Herein lies my problem. I am honestly still hungry. Not starving, but hungry. I would say it is likely because I worked hard outside all day and my body is in a calorie deficit, but I don't want to eat. I don't want to open that door. In the past, I have always rationalized a "step off the path" for a day like today, where I got a great deal of physical activity and was low on my calorie count, so hey live a little. Go to the cook out, eat, you can get back on plan tomorrow. One thing I am determined to do is take the well known stories of my life, and change the endings. I am writing all new stories, ones with happy endings. Ones where I do fight the urges, ones where I succeed. Ones where food doesn't win. I do wonder though. And maybe Sean is the guy to ask this. Will there ever be a time when I won't THINK about food at all? I mean on the drive home, all I could think about was the fact I was hungry and that I didn't need to eat cause my bank was out. But even with that thought, I am still THINKING about food, even if it is to determine I am not going to eat it. Does that ever stop? Does food ever become ancillary to life? I don't know any other ending than failing, so I have to wonder, does winning mean not thinking about food? I realize you have to think about your choices, but does that having to think about not eating ever get beat out of you? I choose to believe it will. I know my attitudes now are so much different than they used to be towards food. I am only 13 days in and food has lost a great deal of control over me. I know that in the future, I expect that I will adapt the eat to live, not live to eat attitude. I look forward to it. It may be hard work , there may be bad days, but I will get there! As for now, still hungry, still thinking about NOT EATING! So I am filling up on water and fixing to go to bed. I almost fell prey to the "Shane's rationalization" bug a few minutes ago and I don't wanna do that! So I will chalk this day up to another test and say I believe I passed it. I am yawning my fool head off, so I better sign off here. Please, keep on inspiring me, and I will try to do the same for you!!!!
I can honestly say, I know the answer now. Yes, thinking about food does diminish greatly. I am not to the point that it is ALWAYS ancillary, but I can go for hours without a thought of it. I ain't at the destination, but I am on the tracks!
So all that is above this, I wrote on early Saturday morning. Now I have a P.S. to ad to it. I had an incredibly active day today and by 4 o'clock, I was famished. I am going to be completely honest, I know I went over calorie wise today. Not sure by how much, but I know I did. That being said, it wasn't a ton o' crap food that I went over with. And, it wasn't an emotional thing. I seriously made a conscious decision to open the gate a little and just let myself go from 4 o'clock on tonight. I ate some cajun peanuts out of the shell, some grapes, I had my dinner of grilled chicken breast and some spinach, my yogurt, I even sampled some spaghetti that Kathy made for her and Lauren, then my usual yogurt. Of all that I allowed myself today, the worse was a bowl of sweet cereal. Here is the thing. I am not the least bit scared that I opened a door. It was a conscious decision. Not a sneaking up on me thing, not a emotionally fueled binge, Heck I would hardly even really call it a binge, I had eaten around 645 calories up to that time, so I don't think I went well over my 1800 calorie limit, but I was seriously famished and just let myself get more fuel than usual on purpose.
You guys who follow me regularly, do you have any thoughts on this? I feel like I am a pretty strong person and this is in now way a danger to my future. But I would like an objective opinion or two from you guys. My focus doesn't feel compromised, in fact, my last thought before bed was won't happen again for at least two months there buddy. Do you guys think dropping your guard on occasions is a good idea, assuming you are strong enough to put it back up every time?
Ok guys, I want to ask you a favor. Go visit my new friend, Angela and give her some encouragement please. She has been at it for awhile but has no followers to encourage her and cheer her on. Pretty please go show her some blogger love. I bet she would appreciate it very much! and so would I. Thanks, ya'll are the best.
Posted by Shane G. at 7:24 PM
Yeah for day 100! Look how far you have come. I think that letting yourself have a day here and there where you eat a little more or something that you normally don't is fine...moderation is the key.
ReplyDeleteGrats on day 100! Also, thanks for the link to Angela!
ReplyDeleteRegarding today's eating, as long as it was planned and you were in control of what you did, I see no problem with it. It is those times when you aren't in control that should worry you.
I'm wondering if making a list of healthy snacks and their calorie count might help.
ReplyDeleteMaybe have some snacks divided up into ziplock bags or containers so that when/if you have a craving you will know exactly how much you had and how many calories?? The only reason i say this is because in my experience once is start with extra's i just keep wanting them.
I'm trying when i'm hungry to find a protein snack as i find that will satisfy me but when i choose a carb it leaves me with more cravings.
Day #100 is awesome, you are doing great!!
I can relate to your post. Just today I posted about how I have a party to go to and I feel in control of my eating. And, yesterday I had some treats last night. Yet, I am not concerned about it. I think you put it best and pulled the words out of me that I could not find at the time...it was a CONSCIOUS DECISION. Well put.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that...you are a changed person, as am I, but there are still things that can test us. So just do what you can to remember WHY you are on this journey and why you feel better now than in the past...and you will be fine. You are doing awesome!!!
Jennifer
http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/
Great post, I love the reflection back to day 13. I found your thoughts at that time so relevant to where I am at and the then vs now perspective is really encouraging. Hey I also visited Angela and passed on some of my thoughts... have a fun SUNday!
ReplyDeleteI have 2 thoughts on what you did (the "overeating"). Not that I would really call that overeating all.
ReplyDeleteFirst: there is nothing wrong with that. Even if you ate 2200 calories, it's no big deal. You were still in control and that was the important thing. Control is everything. Your conscious decision also consisted of healthy food, not 4 snickers bars or a bucket of KFC. Key, you maintained control so you're fine.
Second: Here lays the potential problem in the future, could be far future too. If you stay in control but do this often enough, it becomes normal. Once your normal has changed, then your splurges become different. If THAT becomes normal, your same control that you have now is gone. And it is hard to get back. That is exactly what happened to me. I had control, I lost 100 lbs. in a short amount of time and I was in control. I got confident and I started doing things different,still thinking I was in control. Granted, my "splurges" were and are still healthy food. But my "normal" was slowly changed and now I am struggling to get back that control, I KNOW how to do it, it's just hard to get it back once you've lost it.
So - go ahead and veer off the track, but make sure that you get RIGHT back on and don't fool yourself into THINKING you're back on if you're really not. It's hard to write this into words so I hope you got it!! You are empowered now because you are in control, believe me, that is a feeling that you don't want to lose.
I do it occasionally, too, Shane. Yesterday I ate too much broccoli salad. But did I get fat eating broccoli salad? Ah...no. A few days ago I measured out 8 potato chips to eat with my tuna salad. (Chips are on my trigger food list.) I did not eat any more than that. I think OCCASIONALLY it is okay to loosen up on that death grip we have to hold onto the wagon. As long as we are not out of control, and as long as it is a rare occurrence, I think it's okay. And, as long as we get back on track at the next meal, and don't eat everything in the pantry and fridge.
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats on the 100 days. It is a milestone, and you're only getting smarter along the way!
Happy 100 day! Look how far you have come in a short time :)
ReplyDeleteMy opinion? Yes, "letting down your guard" can be dangerous. In my opinion, letting down your guard once leads to letting it down twice, then three times, then the next thing you know you're eating like crap 2 or 3 times a week, weight-loss has slowed down, and you wonder what the hell happened. I think it's okay to do it every now and then, sure, but I'd make darn sure that it was 100% a conscious decision, and I'd have a plan for getting back on track IMMEDIATELY, like the very next day, the very next meal. THen again, I know myself...I'm weak, and I fall back into shitty eating patterns extremely easily. That's just me!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on Day 100!
Shane, I think the big thing is that you know you over ate today and that you had control over it. In the past you would be eating without thinking. It's the change in the though process that has more value to me than anything. The fact that you needed extra food is going to happen occasionally. It needs to be rare. But, you said yourself you didn't go over your calorie limit, so I don't see the big deal. If you are tracking your calories and being honest with yourself, you are doing the right thing.
ReplyDeleteCongratulation again getting to day 100.
ReplyDeleteHere is what I think of eating more: I do it, too. Not often, and just like you wrote not unconsciously, but fully conscious. It is a way that for me I take care of myself and do not deprive myself of the foods that I really enjoy. In four months when I do sample something that is not in my budget, I do NOT go overboard. I eat one and that is it. That is the most amazing things and so differ met from how I overate in the past. Now even the things that I really like are just not on my radar so much. One slice is enough. I have done this all along Shane. Go easy on the junk food. That is what Marion Nestle says. That is what I do. So, I think what you described here is just find. Normal. Normal eating. That is what I think. Rock on, brother! Michele