Losing It For The Family

Losing It For The Family

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Day 124 Triump In The Midst Of Tragedy

First and foremost, thanks so much to those that offered condolences on the passing of my beloved puppy Scooter. It means so much that ya'll cared to take time out of your day to acknowledge the loss of my Scooter. I love you guys.

But, as is so often true, if you look for the silver lining in the darkest cloud, there is one to be found. I discovered something about myself that made me very proud and that proved to me how much I have changed over the past 4 months. I don't hesitate or hang my head in shame to say that I was emotionally distraught over Scooter's passing. I cried tears a plenty and am not ashamed to say it. It took me till after lunch today to get myself gathered enough to think of all the good times and realize that Scooter is in heaven now with all my loved ones. Even though it was not my time to go yet, it was Scooter's. And now my loved ones have a very important part of me to hold on to and play with until I see them and Scooter again in the great by and by. However, in all that, I never once had the old urge to eat my pain away. 5 months ago, once I had shoveled the last shovel full of dirt and cried, I would have come directly inside, dialed up Dominoes Pizza, and ate that pain down as far as it could go. I do not exaggerate when I say that my first desire, the first thing I thought once I got settled in and realized that it was for real, was I can't wait for tomorrow's workouts. I really need to get my weight lifting and walking on to deal with my emotions. I found myself wishing it wasn't so late so I could go for a long lonely walk and process. I have replaced food as an insulator and chosen to exercise and deal. That folks is a huge step. It is like monkey's using tools!

I also have been concerned that with all the walking I have been doing, I am getting my legs in too good of shape and they aren't feeling the work out of a 2 or 3 mile walk. I decided that today, I would try to get some squats done during my weight workout to wear my legs out before walking. I was shocked at how much better my form was and how much easier it was to do squats with 63 pounds gone off of me! It was so neat. I just kept going and going and wound up with 40. Could have done more but I wanted to save my legs since it was 4 mile day.

I had to think quick and made a less than great choice for supper tonight. I am in the unenviable position of dealing with my own emotions regarding Scooter's death, I am also nursing Lauren along as she is crushed, now Kathy is down with the stomach flu today and I had a presentation I had to do for my class tonight. Add to that the fact that Lauren was supposed to go to basketball practice and Girl Scouts tonight and I was feeling stressed. So on the way home, Kathy had asked me to pick up stuff to help with her stomach condition and to feed Lauren from the Wal Mart Deli. So knowing I was running tight on time and there was not a meal awaiting me at home, I picked up a half pound of the General Tso's chicken from the deli for my supper. I did eat it all but I was at like 700 calories at the time, so I am not overly concerned about having gone over. I think I estimated it at 500 for the whole batch. chicken alone would be 320, and the sauce was very light, so I think 500 sounds about right. Yogurt and peanut butter celery rounded me out for the evening and it looks like a 1420 calorie kind of day for me! Now once I button this blog up, I am looking at going to sleep and starting off tomorrow with a much better outlook than today and getting me some more exercise in. It is weigh in week, so I best be on my best good behavior!!




6 comments:

  1. What you described is exactly the kind of stress that makes me want to eat. I completely understand that your first instinct is to grab something. It's so awesome that you recognize that and can change the behaviour.

    You'll be running soon Shane! Start between one set of hydro poles on one of your walks. Just one set. Then, the next week, make it two sets...and so on. Come on, I dare ya!

    I hope Kathy feels better!

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  2. I totally go for walks to process my thoughts!
    Hope Kathy is feeling better soon.

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  3. You have got this life change thing well in hand. You should be proud of yourself. I'm sorry about your doggy, but glad you are finding the upside.

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  4. Glad you made it through the day, Shane. You've been on my heart off and on all day.

    You've got the real deal going on! When you can grieve and handle stress without stuffing it down with food, you've come a long way, baby!

    Hope Kathy feels better soon!

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  5. SO sorry about Scooter...know how you feel. Finding the silver lining makes it more tolerable I think. Keep your head up.

    Polar's Mom
    www.polarspage.blogspot.com

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  6. Hi shane. I missed the post about Scooter :( I am so sorry for your loss. When we lost our dog it was awful. Pets ARE a part of your family. i agree, that when you can handle stress you can call that a success!!! Hang in there.

    Jennifer

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