I had a short but good conversation with my Church's Worship leader this morning. Sarah knows that I am trying to get back to running well again. As we were talking, I told her that the hardest part of where I am right now is that while I am trying to get amnesia about how well I performed getting back in to shape in a short period last time, the biggest issue I find myself facing is that I know the numbers from last time, i.e. how many mph I could run, how fast I could finish a 5k, how many pounds I was losing a week, etc. And I just said it without thinking about it. I told her I just had to throw it away, this was all new ground here. Like I said in my amnesia post, that journey is not to be considered in this journey. In fact, it would be toxic.
So after that conversation, I started thinking. What all do I need to throw away? I came up with a couple of things. First, I am throwing away my old running times and distances and records. I have a medal I won on my first 5k. 2nd in my age group. It is in my hallway. It's gone. I have a lot of posts on this blog from before. I am going to try to figure out how to delete those. Gone! I have my pity party I have for myself after every "run". Gone! Now, I celebrate the fact I was faster and had more endurance than the last run/ last week. And I think most importantly, the scale. I paid a pretty penny for it, and Kathy still uses it, but to me, the scale is dead. Gone! See, I could have my pants falling off me, my shirts could be so baggy that I look pitiful, but if I didn't lose 2 pounds after a good week of diet and exercise, well then there goes my attitude. The pounds are not my concern anymore. To replace the battle with the scale, I have picked out a shirt that I really miss wearing. From now on, rather than weighing every other Friday, I wake up and I put that shirt on. The day that shirt goes back to not having to stretch out to fit me, then I will find a new shirt to work towards. That is stage 1 of this plan.
But how did I come up with this plan? That is the most important part of this thing. Today Pastor Barry gave a great sermon, and the thing he said is something I kinda have put into practice, but without thinking about it. I like when someone gives me a lesson and makes tangible an idea that was there in the abstract. I obviously wasn't successful in keeping off the weight and staying healthy. So I have called in the ultimate in ringers to give me an advantage!!! I finally have surrendered the very thought that I can make this happen!! I am no longer THE MAN in my story. I did this crazy thing. I prayed for some wisdom from above. That's right, I called HIM in to give me some pointers, but like Barry said, I just needed to realize I can't do it myself, and swallow my pride that said I can. I surrendered it by asking that He put me on the right road. When I was young, I loved having a coach. All the years I've spent fat and out of shape, I always wished I could get one of my old coaches to come train me back up. I need someone to push me. I also missed how my coaches believed in me. When they believed in me, I was motivated to perform at my best for them. So it stands to reason that I call in THE Coach, and I will definitely perform at my best for this Guy because nobody in all this world will never believe in me as much as He does!!