One of my neighbors when I was a pre-teen and young teen had an in ground pool. Both of our parents worked, but trusted us to use the pool while they were away. Also, we were expected to do the upkeep on it since we used it all the time. One of the things you have to do obviously is add the chemicals. We were ok at it, but keep in mind, we were kids. Sometimes, we got stuff wrong. Our most common mistake was getting too much chlorine. We all know an over chlorinated pool leads to some burning eyes if you swim in it. So naturally, we had to close our eyes underwater on those days. The solution to keep on swimming, at least in our juvenile minds, was to wash your yourself off with the water house, then get back in! It never occurred to us to keep our heads above water on those days. Of course we readjusted the chemicals the next time around and then the pool was much more fun! Luckily, we got it right or at least tolerable most of the time.
My current physical state reminds me of the over chlorinated pool of my youth. It has made me have to close my eyes to keep from being in pain. To have been where I was, at the pinnacle of my physical fitness and body image, and to have let it go really has burned me deep inside. To go buy an XL shirt or two, then a XXL shirt or 20 has hit me where it hurts. So I closed my eyes, I held my nose, and I kept swimming below the water. But these last few days of blogging consistently, and making plans to succeed have really been effective. To keep my issues up front in the conscious part of my brain rather than back there in the subsconscious has been a blessing. And I do that by actually giving physical form to my thoughts, and to my plans. I am a firm believer giving your plans for success a corporeal state is key to succeeding. Put it on paper, make it real before it dissipates and becomes non-existent. It works just the same for emotional hurts and hang ups. If you begin to deal with them on paper, then you begin give them a face. And when they get a face, they are no longer shadows, and now you can fight them!
I love my blog/diary. I have no idea why I ever stopped blogging to be honest. I remember how much joy it gave me along the way when I started it. I remember feeling empowered and in control of so many things I had let get the best of me before. I remember my self pep talks, I remember celebrating my victories with so many people that had my back! It was a tool that,if I had continued to use it properly, was saving my life and giving my family some security that I would be around for a good long while. We all know hindsight is 20/20. Did I mess up? Yes. Do I have a wealth of knowledge to use in building my next success story? Damn right!! Now to start picking up those bricks and stacking them back up!! I will now keep my head above the chlorinated water.