Sunday, August 5, 2012
Days 8 and 9 A Misconception About Us Fat Folks
Although I doubt any one gives a rip, but in the event someone does, I apologize for not posting a blog yesterday. I guess that is really an apology to myself for letting me down really. So anyway that being taken care of, I am here now and will do what this blog is meant to do. I am peeling back the layers and making myself understand my propensity to overeat and also look at my methods of trying to get thinner and in better shape. A quick recap. I had a success Friday, a failure yesterday, followed by uber success today. Friday, I kept my to my calorie bank despite going to an all you can eat buffet that has great food with lots of calories!! I walked out of that place with my head held high! Buuuuuut yesterday, Kathy and I went to eat at a german restaurant that we had been trying to get to for awhile. I had no idea the calories in German food, and should have tried to figure that out before we ordered!! I refuse to even talk about how badly I stepped off the path for that meal. Wow! I hate to have to say it so often, but lesson learned. However, today has been the picture of perfection eating wise. I have even fought off some boredom/anxious eating urges. Love those days when I have to fight and when I win that fight. It reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures. James 1:2-3 "consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters when your face trials and tribulations of many kinds, for you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance." I love that verse and need to keep that one in mind at all times, so that when this new effort of mine, or v2.0 as I have dubbed it, begins to show cracks, I can realize that I did it once, and I can do it again, with some perserverance. So I was thinking about this idea that many people have that all fat people are dumb, lazy, careless and indifferent folks. I would disagree with that blanket assumption. I have no doubt that may be the case for some, but the majority of the large folks I know are actually people that are perfectionists with lots of passion. In fact, some of them are likely overeaters in response to the fact that they perceive that they are unable to achieve their desired goals because they are higher than the person feels they can achieve, and a retreat is made to comforting their depression resulting from their,again percieved, ineffectiveness. Translated, I can't make X happen they way I want it to happen. That frustrates me, how can I make myself feel better about failing in X? MMMM good pizza. I am probably that guy. I fancy myself a fella that things typically come easy to. I don't normally have to put too much effort into being at least passable in most things I try to do (athletics not withstanding). When I decided to go back to school, I really began to question myself. What I didn't take into consideration until I had finished undergrad was that I was trying to do a lot! I was working full time, going to school full time and being a husband, dad and son. That many tasks all at once was not likely to come easy to me, no matter what. I got myself together at the end fo undergrad, but then I got myself in a crack again first year of law school. One of the things I have come to grips with now is that I am not going to kick butt in all things, especially when I do so many things at once. that alone has helped me to lose some of my desire to eat when I feel inadequate. it just sucks that such a simple lesson took me so long and so many pounds packed back on to learn!