I wrote earlier this week that a miracle had taken place. I had left food on the plate and walked away from it. Well, since that entry, I have actually thrown food away and also not finished my kids food at Burger King! I know that it is likely to not be a big deal to most, but that is huge to me. I place an inordinately high value on food, or at least I used to. If I order food at a restaurant, I am going to either finish it now, or I am going to take it back to the office, and scarf it down there. If I or my wife make a plate for me at supper time, I am going to finish it even if I am full. But here is the part that brings me the most embarrassment. I have always hovered near my kids to see if they are going to finish their food. It is my intent to finish what they don't want, even ifI am full.
But this last week has been a shift in paradigm for me. I left my lunch on the plate and at the restaurant on Monday. I didn't take any of my kids' leftovers at supper all week. And I threw away a box of cookies Friday night, so I wouldn't finish it. Food seems to be losing its hold over me. Strike that. It makes it sound like I have no power over food. It makes me sound like a victim. I am not a victim. I am making bad choices. It is all me, and I will own it. So what has really happened this week is I have started to let go of my obsession/addictive behaviors towards food. I am gaining strength in decision making skills.
My final thought is one more brag. Today, we went to La Fiesta after church. Historically,it is nothing for me to leave there feeling miserable. Bring on the chips and salsa, the big bowl of queso and the big plate of carbs and fat. Today, on the way there, I made a decision. I was not going to cave like so many times before. I was going to actually leave there holding my head high and proud of the choices I made. So when we arrived, I took out 10 chips from the basket. That was going to be the end of my chip eating. Then I ordered 1 soft taco and a side of pico de gallo. No cheese dip, appetizers, nothing extra. And that was all I ate. I didn't scoop off the kids plate, I didn't resume chips and salsa eating. I walked out, with my head held high.
I honestly am so happy to be back on fire and in the groove again. I believe it is God's will that this has taken off as well as it has. I don't always understand His plan, but I do appreciate it when it comes together!