So this morning as I am getting ready, I had one of my commonly held session with myself which usually takes place on Mondays. I am not doing what I know I need to be doing. I need to find that discipline I had in 2010-11. I need to quit being stupid and get to getting!! Basically, I am trying to pump myself up and get the adrenaline going, like I did for football games and track meets. But here is what I came to realize suddenly. That is something you do for a short term challenge. You get psyched up and you go and perform and then the game is over. I am good at that, but history shows that once the "game" is over, I go back to terrible habits. I need to quit trying to get the raaaaaaawwwwwrrrrr feeling of getting ready for the game. But what is the alternative? As any athlete of any organized sport will tell you, the practice is the part that everybody hates. It is the same thing, over and over and over. And it is boring! But anybody that has been an athlete long enough will tell you that while practice is the hmmmmmmmmmmm of competition, that it is also where games are won and lost. Nobody gets up for practice, you just put your time in. It is somewhat anticlimactic, and I think that in this effort to change forever, that is exactly what one needs. Anti-climactic. There is no big finale, you just keep doing it. It is no longer practice, it is just doing.
So I am shifting gears once again (and that is fine, I have to find my "thing" that will lead to long term success) and making a few changes. I am going to get back to blogging, and not worry about how many people comment or have viewed it. My blogging is for me. I want to get a conscious handle on what is going on at all times. I want to stop letting myself go into float mode. The diet and exercise I need to be engaging in need to get my attention every day. Only then will I be able to have a good "practice."
I am a little on the fence on the next change, but I am going to try it and see how it works. Pictures will be taken of every bite I take during the day. I want to not subconsciously or instinctually eat any longer. I want eating to be a real thing with real consequences, rather than some harmless act, undertaken with no conscious thought to the act. And to go along with that, I am going to track the food too. And to get rid of a dirty little secret, I am going to do it in complete honesty. I have fudged my MFP before, and that will no longer be an option. I want to see that I did a bad job if I did a bad job. Evidence of the truth is part of my job, and now it will be part of my lifestyle.
Despite how many times I have said this before, a new chapter starts today. It doesn't matter how many times we fall, it matters how many times we get up. Cliche? Maybe, but also true.