I am a type A personality for the most part. And as a type A, I am not one to go at things lightly. It is full force ahead if I am undertaking it. I am that guy that will never take a break because if I am done with the project, that is the break. But to go along with my type A personality, I have the flaw of thinking that if I am not 100% succeeding, I am 100% failing. Perhaps I am not progressing fast enough, perhaps I am not meeting my progressive goals I set for myself, or perhaps I am being an idiot because at some point, I didn't use my brain and now feel like it set me back from making my goal and that is unrecoverable time for me. Basically, I am really hard on myself. I do recognize this, but I can't seem to beat it out of me. And I feel like that has become a stumbling block on my road to a healthy lifestyle.
So I am writing this down, making it real and telling all of you too, so that if you see me slipping, you can call me out on it. I am not going to be mad at myself for not being Mr. 100 mph. I am not going to decide that being 150 calories over budget is a blight on my character. I am not going to believe that a loss of 20 pounds over 6 months is a joke because last time I lost 20 pounds in 2 months. My hard charging may have gotten me ahead in some facets of my life, but I think that it has only sabotaged me in my quest to eat healthier, and lose weight at a healthy pace. I told someone the other day, the worst thing that has ever happened to me is having been so super successful at my last effort to gain a healthy lifestyle (well relative success, being as I didn't stay at my healthier weight)
So I want to list what I have done here and recognize that despite what I may believe, these are significant accomplishments from where I started to where I am now. For example, I never, even on the weekends, eat a big, fat laden, calorie dense, unhealthy breakfast. It is some combination of 2 oz of spicy sausage, 2 eggs, oatmeal, and some fruit, usually an apple. I don't eat much for lunch, if I eat an actual lunch at all. Most of my snacking is protein bars or shakes, some almonds or a pumpkin seed and other grains snack bar. 2-3 days a week, I have some form of left over chicken breast for lunch. The weekends are a little less certain lunchwise, but not too far off. I have cut waaaaaaay down on sodas. I used to buy a 6 pack of the 20 oz bottle twice a week. Now I have the fountain drink version every other day or so. And even in the fountain drink soda realm, I have made progress. I used to get the 44 oz cup, then I graduated to the 32 oz cup. I am currently on the 20 oz cup and eyeballing the 16 oz cup next! I did that because I am trying to retrain my brain to not believe I need the biggest everything. I can't help but realize that has also been the biggest issue in my life. If I like it, give me the biggest one, or fill up the plate, or go back for seconds! Now I am working on no seconds at supper, which isn't as big a problem as it used to be, but I am trying to make it be never an issue.
Long story short, I am working at being ok with being consistent but not kicking ass. I am trying to be ok with a medium pace and not expecting that I excel in pounds/inches lost like I did previously. I am retraining my brain with respect to my journey to a healthy lifestyle. I think that if I can take the pressure I feel to excel off of this aspect of my life, then my disappointments, deserved or not, will not be able to derail my efforts.