Maintenance

I think I am going to have to admit it. I am not at the point that I am determined to lose weight right now. I think the reality is, I need to let that go, and focus on keeping what I have for the moment. I have become so busy these past couple of months and have so much on my plate, that I have not been able to give weight loss the focus I once was. I think that in order to be realistic and not be in a situation that I am beating myself up, I just need to maintain what I have right now. So I think with that in mind, I am going to keep up my exercise and limit my caloric intake to 2000 a day. I am thinking once I get graduated and summer starts and I am down on my list of commitments, I will make the push for that last 15-20 pounds I want to lose. so here it is. I need help folks, help me just maintain my focus on maintenance. Please?

A Picture

I will admit, the last two weeks when I wasn't doing a very good job on my eating, I suddenly, in my head, was 297 pounds, waddling around, back to fat Shane. I felt puffy and bloated and not at all cool, fast and in shape. Even though my runs have been phenomenal, except for Monday when it felt like I was running in mud, I just had this self image of well that didn't take long to put back on. I went fishing Saturday in Texas and I caught the only fish of the day. I had my buddy Brad snap a picture of it just so I could razz Kathy with a text. I put that picture on my phone as the display picture right after taking it. But really I had not paid much attention to it for the most part. At some point yesterday I checked my phone to see what time it was and the picture actually caught my eye and kinda blew me away. Here it is:

I am no expert, but I am pretty sure I don't weight 297 pounds by looking at that picture. I am even wearing too big of a shirt and still look pretty sharp to me! And now, even more than Monday, I am determined to keep on track with my eating. It was a heck of a lot of hard work to get there, and there are still miles to go. I promised myself and God, if I ever get there, I ain't going back. God led me here, so I sure can't go back on my promise.

Day 1 of the Hard Ten

Day 1 of the Hard Ten was just what I needed apparently. I was dead on all day and quite proud of it! It seems to have sparked me up again. Which brings me to a point. I think I was basically on a break. I mean 6-7 months of being good and posting losses and working my hind end off may have been great. But I think I just needed some time off. And that could have been dangerous. I could have slipped back back back until I showed back up reincarnated as Old Shane. I think that may be the magic of this whole blogging thing. We are all in different spots in this thing. Dawne was where I am now for the past couple of months, and now she is pulling out of it, and even though I was in "take a break" mode, I was able to gain some inspiration by her gaining inspiration and sharing it. I think that is just so fantastic. We have each other's backs here in this community and what one person has, they are more than willing to share with the others. If I had done this well before blogging and then decided I needed a "break" that would have been the end folks. It has been the end many times! But that break, well it turned into just a break this time. I had a whole slew of friends who are in the same boat as me, and one of them popped a little wisdom and motivation my way and baaam!! Pit stop over, the race is back on! I can honestly say I am so thankful to have "met" Dawne. She has inspired me in so many ways. I will be frank and say she is the reason I now identify myself as a jogger. I used to get so jealous reading her posts about jogging. She told me once that she could just see that in the future, I would be a jogger. I don't know how she did that, but she turned out to be correct. She believed in me even when I didn't believe in me. Again, this blog community is a treasure, it is something I love and am so thankful for. I truly believe God himself pointed me in to ya'll and I thank Him for it.

On that note, He also has given me another wonderful morning for jogging it looks like. 52 degrees and no rain, so I do believe I will take advantage and go knock out 2.5 miles and do some bench pressing this morning! ya'll have a wonderful day!!

Still Not Where I Want To Be

While I did do fairly well eating and exercise wise this weekend, I did not meet my standards. So I am joining Dawne in her "Pull a Hard 10". Essentially, I am gonna go back to food snobbery, only to an extreme, and though I have been rock solid in my running lately, I have not been weight training. I am going to go ten days straight with adding weight training on the days I run too. Not necessarily a hard core holy crap weight training session, but hit two exercises, three sets, ten reps a day. I also think I am going to just skip my after supper snack altogether, even the healthy snacks I used to always consume. That seems to be a trap for me, so I am going to change that habit. So I am sure I am Dawne won't mind if anybody else wants to jump in on this. Let me know if you plan on doing it and I will try extra hard to keep up with your blog the next 10 days and encourage you!

I totally forgot to get a picture of my Texas Heavenly Hills this weekend! I had one hell of a run Saturday morning and it is getting kinda scary that my legs know when I have gone a mile and a half and need to turn around and head back! I nailed the distance without ever driving it first. I think the thing I took out of that run is the fact that I am so much stronger now than I used to be. Those hills are some serious bad ass hills and I never once faltered jogging them. I won't lie and say I didn't get tired, especially my abs, but I never broke stride and never once walked or even half jogged the whole time. I kept stride and I powered through it. Now that being said, I am paying for it now!

I have also got the outside running bug now. It is 45 degrees this morning but I can't stand the idea of getting on the treadmill this morning, so I am bundling up and heading out this morning to get my 2.5 miles around the block. And like I said, I am then going to hit the weights for a weight workout too. I think biceps need some working today... yeah now that I can see them, I need to make them look a little bigger.... haha. Ya'll have a great day, and keep me in your thoughts as I keep on trying to get back on good track. thanks for your support!

Good Morning From Longview Texas!

Yeee Haww! Howdy pardners! I done went and gone to Texas since we last spoke! Kathy is from here and we sold a bunch of Girl Scout cookies here, and we have to come pick up Kathy's grandma's china cabinet from her dad so it can go home with us, and Brad promised me some fishing in his new boat. With all that going on, we had no other choice but to come down here I reckon! But just once, one time, I would like to leave for here in the morning and take a leisurly drive down, rather than having ten thousand things to do and leaving in the afternoon, having to book it to make good time, and then getting here and crashing out about 10. I alwasys see little areas I would like to pull in to and check out. There are several hiking trail heads, little day areas on lakes, even a trail ride on horses along the way and for once, I would like to indulge in some of this good time stuff rather than haul hind end.

Had a great day eating yesterday, even in the face of adversity. Kathy wanted to stop twice at fast food, and I only had a McChicken from Mickey D's and a Whattaburger from well Whattaburger on the trip down here. Now the real challenge begings today. I will likely be tempted by lots of eating out, and I am not even kinda worried to be honest. I am back on my game and engaging in food snobbery as I was before. It feels good too! Ok, second cup of coffee time and then it is shoes on, feet hitting the pavement time. I will try to remember to snap a picture of those hills I love to jog so much when I am here today and post it tomorrow. Ya'll have a great day!

You Reap What You Sow

Yeah, I kinda saw it coming down the pike. I had my first gain since July. And I make no excuses, I have been lax and lazy for the past two weeks. That ends here. My days have been fine, my nights have been crap with some excessive snacking. I am done now. a gain of 1.6 pounds is not acceptable, and I will go back to extreme food snobbery now. Game on!!

My How Time Has Changed

I have been enjoying wonderful weather and early morning outside jogs this week. I can now categorically say that running outside beats the ever loving hell out of treadmill jogging, Even if you are jogging in the dark. As a matter of fact, I have twice this week felt a bit cheated that I needed to go ahead and quit jogging and pack it in so I can get my breakfast cooked and the girls around. I love that! I remember in the beginning, my walking and jogging were activities in which I made myself make it for a preset amount of time, and now, I feel cheated that how much jogging I get to do is limited by time! I so look forward to my Fridays and Saturdays now so that I can push myself until I get tired, not run out of time. I still have trouble grasping that I have gotten here from the guy that walked around his 1/2 mile block twice in July and wondered what the hell happened to me and how am I going to get this fixed?

I have a confession, I still am not tracking my food as well as I used to, but instead of it being an issue, I have actually been just fine lately. I don't write it down, but I am having the same breakfast and lunches as I usually do, I only do one helping at supper and my snacking has dwindled, not disappeared, but waaaaay down from the last not tracking episode. I am hoping to see a good number on the scale tomorrow that shows me that I have made the changes necessary to keep me from having to write down every morsel. If not, then I suppose I am on the hook for my actions and I will react accordingly.

Overshadowing Myself

I was thinking yesterday afternoon on my drive home and I have had this weird phenomena going on in my life here lately. I keep creating goals, and before I ever get that goal accomplished, I have set another goal, so that once I do get to the first goal, I am already fully involved in the chase for the new goal, and do not give the fact I have attained the first goal its due justice. For example, when I went back to school, my only goal was to get an Associate Degree and go be a paralegal somewhere. Before I ever got finished with that goal, I had already determined I needed to get a Bachelors Degree. So when time came for my graduation ceremony for my Associates, I had to be threatened by my wife and mom to convince me to walk for it. I seriously had decided that the Associates wasn't my end goal, so why acknowledge it? I am starting to have the same problem with my Bachelors Degree coming up. I am a little more than a month away from finals, and a month and a week from graduation, and I just can't get excited about it because I have been accepted to law school. Will I be excited? Yeah I guess, I will be the first person in my family to get a college degree. I really was focused hard and happy that the degree was coming down the pike up until I got the law school notice, and now, it is just kind eeehhhh to me. I think that new goal setting is important, it keeps us from stagnating, but I don't know that not properly acknowledging the achievement of the first goal is a good or healthy thing. For instance, I lost a 100 pounds! I am happy and grateful, but that wasn't my end goal, I want to get to 185. I want to get a flat belly, I want to run a half marathon now. So 100 pounds lost, got a day I guess, but now I have a whole new set of goals. I have to wonder, what happens when I get these goals? I know one thing, law school had probably better be the end of the line for my school goals, cause Kathy is likely to kill me if I go into a Masters program or shoot for a PhD! She has taken it on the chin every time I tell her I decided to go a step further in my education, so I am thinking any further will result in my bodily harm!

do ya'll find yourself not properly giving the achievement of your goals their just deserts? I am going to start working on making a bigger deal out of goal achievements and for an appropriate amount of time. Starting with my Bachelors graduation I think. I am putting my law school excitement on the back burner today and I am going to be joyfully anticipating the conferral of a Bachelors Degree right now!

You And Me Going Joggin' In The Dark

I jogged outside yesterday morning like I talked about. 5:00 a.m. and everything. It was pretty dark still, except for the street lights our HOA requires at the end of each driveway kept it fairly illuminated. I guess I just prefer to see all the trees and flowers and such while I am jogging. Anyway, that did not deter me from having a great run! I guess a change in routine was a good thing though, cause it made me realize once again how amazing it is to me that I was on my 4 lap (2nd mile) before my legs even realized I had started jogging. They didn't complain even once until I got to the big hill for the 4th time! And don't even get me started on my lungs. That story is amazing. I was huffing and puffing when I finished, but not too bad and seriously, by the time I walked from my street to my door, I was most of the way recovered, and by the time I walked into the living room with the water I had just gotten, I was completely recovered. Craaaaaazy!!

We are headed to Texas this weekend to deliver cookies and pick up some stuff from Kathy's dad. We are getting her grandma's china cabinet and china and Kathy's old swingset from her grandma's house. I think we are staying at Rachel and Brad's house for the weekend and that suits me. I don't know who all remembers, but the last time I was there, I took it as a personal challenge to go jog the two huge hills they have there. I did it but it kicked my butt. I am so looking forward to a rematch!! I am gonna take those bad boys DOWN this time!! I love the challenge!

I have finally had to concede that my dogs are too fat and put them on diets. I used to just fill the food bowl up when I saw it was empty, but my favorite, Elwood, has gotten so fat, he won't even get up on the couch just to aggravate Kathy anymore. I am now filling the bowl half full in the morning and that is all they get for the day. We are only a week into it and he looks thinner already, so maybe this is a good plan. I sure hope so. I would hate to have my dog die over obesity after I have made such great strides.

Sunday Was Not My Funday

I did a terrible job of eating yesterday! It started off fine, but it went in the crapper by the night fall. I had fajitas at lunch, which may have been fine had I just lightly snacked the rest of the day, but then we decided since we were close, we would go to the Market Place Grill, which is great food, and I did get the light portion chicken stir fry with rice, but then I gave in and had cheese cake too. Not the best decision I made in my life. so it is what it is. I am tired of reporting bad eating days though. I need to get my focus back this week, let it carry into this weekend, and call it a groove again! I suspect I will not be happy with my next weigh in and that will be prime motivator too! I HAVE to be in the 180's by graduation! HAVE TO!!!

I am going to also move my jogging outside this morning. I don't know that I want to jog in the dark but I am going to try it just for the heck of it and see if that gives me a spark. I am sure that I jog faster on real pavement, so that should be a nice wrinkle to add. WE shall see I suppose!

Living The Good Life!!

So as it turns out, there is life out there to be lived! I can say categorically that my life is so much different today than it has been in so long!! And yesterday, well it just kinda cemented what I knew already, that I was a sloth before and that I was letting life pass me by! It is a sad but true fact.

As anyone who follow me regularly knows, I was in my first 5k yesterday that I yammered on and on about. I had told my wife I really did think I was gonna do well. I get the feeling she thought I was just being an optimist as I am wont to do nowadays. But my smack talk, it comes with back up baby! Check this out!

I kicked butt! I was tenth overall and 2nd in my age group, which is where the medal comes from. I was in the lead pack from the gun and since it was my first race, I was trying to hold back a little to see if I needed a burst at the end to make sure I would finish well. I wound up jogging the last 1/4 mile with a guy that was trying to keep pace with me and I was ready at any second to turn on the jets to make sure I finished ahead of him, but he wound up conceding I had more in the tank I guess cause he fell back the last 100 yards. It really was fun to get out and compete. I have a strong competitive urge and I have not had an outlet in quite sometime, so yesterday fulfilled an empty spot for me, it was truly a blessing. Here I am at the finish line even though it was quite a bit after I had finished.

So even if that was all that had happened yesterday, I would have been happy. But no, the day just kept getting better. I went to lunch with Kathy after, and I got a free spicy chicken sandwich at Chick-Fil-A. Then we came home and loaded up the fishing gear, and Kathy and I went on our first fishing outing of the season. We planned kinda poorly though. we both got sunburns! Here is the one an only picture of me fishing from yesterday. We usually take many more, but we were pretty intense yesterday. We were both determined to catch something!

So that should have capped the day off right? Well in my world, cool and awesome stuff just keeps on happening. So we stopped at my parents to visit on the way home and my dad had taken the top out of the Corvette he bought this winter. I am a sucker for a topless ride baby! So I convinced him he needed to take me for a ride in it while it was still nice out before the sun went down. We took off for a cruise. I was having a blast, but then, he stopped the car, got out and said get in the driver's seat boy! I was nervous as hell! It is a Corvette after all. But after we got going, I settled in and had a great time as evidenced by this picture:

It was a heck of a day! And this isn't as awesome as most of my day, but considering I love to grill, it was just a cake topper to get to come home and grill us some chicken for dinner. I went to sleep last night a very contented man. A tired, sunburned, somewhat sore man, but contented as all get out. I bought a shirt at a yard sale the other day, perhaps ya'll have seen the line of merchandise "Life Is Good". I didn't have that shirt on, but I should have yesterday!

Exhilerated!

I am so excited this morning! I am heading out in a little while for my first ever competitive 5k! I love competition and thought I am under no impression I will win, I know I will make a good showing at least. This is the best feeling. I used to play football in high school and I seriously miss that feeling of when you take the field and you anticipate that first snap and the first hit of the game, when your head is going ninety miles an hour and your stomach has butterflies. This is the same thing, I am just ready!

Yesterday, I was sneaky. Not food eating sneaky, it was work out sneaky. I had told myself I wasn't gonna work out Friday to save my legs for today. I kinda failed kinda didn't. It was not a work out per se ;-). I went to campus to take care of dropping a couple of classes I didn't wind up taking cause I didn't need them. It was an experience trying to make contact with all the people I had to have sign my drop slip and finding out what my alternative were. I was having trouble getting both professors and my advisor to sign the slips. I have been at the school for coming up on 4 years now and I honestly can say I have not been in some of the buildings on campus. I made that an untrue statement yesterday! I went in to almost every building yesterday chasing down people that I needed to sign my forms. And my campus is much bigger than I ever really realized before. So I never drove while doing all this, it was foot travel only and I jogged the crosswalks, ran both up and down the stairs and was in constant motion for a little over two hours. It was great to realize how much better shape I am in! And had that been it, I would have felt good about my activity level for the day. But not this Shane, not super uber active, it is a warm day and not good for sitting Shane. I went and picked up Lauren from school after I was done and we went out and hit a bucket of golf balls, and I am slowly getting my swing back! Sad thing is, relative to our size and age, Lauren is a little better than me! When we finished there, I took Lauren to the park and what ensued next is one of those events that makes you really stop and thank God for your success in this journey. I played, literally played, with Lauren for the next hour on every piece of play ground equipment that she wet on! I did the monkey bars for the first time in years! I did them a few times in awe of my abilities! Then we went to the jungle gym and played king of the hill for awhile, where at one point in time, I hung upside down and swung back and forth for a while and then was able to pull myself back up!!! I then made a new friend while I was on the swing. We swung and chatted for about a half hour. I learned a lot from Luke. Apparently Hanna Montana cusses a lot more than I knew. She says butt, and hate and things of that nature and that is just unacceptable. And Luke's sister is kinda mean because she won't let him just walk in her room. And Luke has beaten many many grown up's up in play wrestling and boxing. His brother Gideon lies a whole bunch too. Oh and he owns a mini van too. He doesnt get to drive it, but it is his.

So yesterday was a great day, and I capped it off by watching a movie called "Red" with Kathy and it was awesome. I am a Bruce Willis fan anyway, but this movie was equal parts hilarious and action packed and those are my two favorite things in a movie! I also slept really well last night, which is kinda amazing since I went to sleep anxious about this morning. Again, I am not a bad sleeper it appears! Well I need to finish this coffee and get a bowl of cereal eaten so I have some carbs in me! Ya'll have a great Saturday. I think Kathy and I are going fishing! We love Arkansas in the spring!

Ok, So I Can't

I tried it, I hate it, I am done with it. I talked about quitting my OCD habit of writing and tracking food a couple of days ago. I actually was joking about it being OCD, but I now wonder if it isn't for real OCD. I have gone nuts trying to not track and quite frankly, I am done with it. I am going back to tracking today! Wow just saying it was nice! Whew. Ok I tried something new, so that is good right?

I am totally amped up today over the fact that in 24 hours, I will be getting dressed and ready for my first ever 5k run!! I expect I will do well as I saw the course the other day. Mostly flat and I run up hill all week in my workouts. Should be pretty awesome. I am looking forward to some competition in my running. I have also signed up for another 5k in April that is for a local elementary school here in Van Buren. I meant to walk it last year, but just felt ridiculous at the idea of walking a 5k with knowing that people would be running and blowing me away. I am too hyper competitive, but I can't help it.

I am having to modify my work out routine this week to account for taking today off for to rest up for tomorrow's 5k. I usually take off Thursday for my day off then shoot for a distance run on Friday and Saturday. I worked out yesterday but made it a light one. I ran the program on the treadmill that actually got me to believing I could jog for real as a workout. It is very cool to find out that you are in so much better shape that the program that got you started doesn't even really effect you anymore! I got done and was thinking "wow that used to kill me". I wasn't even breathing hard. But here is the weird thing. I am sore as all get out today! I pushed myself all week, and had fresh legs every morning. I did one light workout, and the next day I am sore and stiff? that is crazy!! So since I am gonna have to do something to replace my usual jog today, I think I am gonna do a weight workout this morning. I used to do one every morning, but jogging has kinda took over my life lately. I am now running short on time every day, so the weight lifting went to the way side. I need to figure out a way to bring it back to my days though, I do enjoy a good weight training session.

Well, I have dogs that are demanding their entry to the house, so I better go oblige. Ya'll have a great day!

Gratitude=Happiness

Going back and finishing college has made such a huge difference in my life. It took a long string of complex scenarios that happened to happen at just the right time for it to happen, but God saw to it that they all happened at just exactly the right time, and here I am. And in this last semester of undergraduate study, I got a message sent to me in a class that I think I knew, but needed to hear verbalized to understand it fully. I was in my Philosophy of Religion class, and we were discussing the nature of religion and typical acts associated with religion. And then my professor said it. Your level of gratitude is directly proportionate to your level of happiness. Truer words have never been spoken in my opinion. Life is so much how you take it. And I have been to both extremes folks. I have had the worst attitude about my circumstances and all that happened to me in the past, at never was able to acknowledge all the good things that were happening. Now, since I have learned that you must be grateful for the good stuff that you have coming to you, it seems that the good stuff just keeps coming! I attribute that to God's Will. I wish I was able to conduct a study of how many people are grateful for the blessings they receive rather than take it for granted they are owed those blessings, or even get upset that they aren't getting the blessings they think they deserve, even without doing their part to obtain those blessings. I would be interested to see how many people who are more grateful have more good things come their way. I guess this was a random post huh? I just was thinking during my jog yesterday about this, so I wanted to put it into black and white. It's my blog so thpppppt! hahah.

So I generally take today off from working out but I have to at least go lightly today. I am taking tomorrow off instead so I can be fresh for Saturday's 5k. I am so looking forward to a little competition and also helping out a good cause. It is for Toys for Tots, and Lord knows I love me some kids!

Pecs, Not Man Boobs

Good Wednesday morning to all! I am having a pretty good week so far. Getting lots of business handled this week. Got all the big bills paid, got my air conditioner compressor replaced, and have been cruising along at work with just the right amount of work to keep me busy but not overwhelmed. I have also been talking to a lot of people about law school and the experience. Carrie, one of my attorneys from the old firm that now works in the building right next to mine, chatted with me for awhile the other day. She had graduated right before I started working at my old firm, so the experience is fresh in her mind. We have known each other for like 4 years now and like I said we worked together for 3 of them. She says I will have next to no problem likely with the law school experience. That makes me feel good that Carrie thinks well of me and that I shouldn't have a freak out about first year either. And that awesome boss of mine, Cheryl, has said that if she has the work, I am welcome to come up on the weekends and do it and she will pay me for it to help keep me afloat. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to work for Cheryl. I don't believe I could have found a better employer but even more, a better friend. She is that person that does good even if it would be easier to do not so good. She is that person you wish you could be, only she really is that person. Cheryl, if you drop by and read this post, thank you for your awesomeness.

So I was shaving on Monday, and I don't know how I have not noticed this before now, but it appears that Shane has pecs! Not so much man boobs anymore, but pecs! The bottom half is still not super model-ish yet, but the top is looking pretty good. And I am getting veins in my arms too! It is crazy! I can't hide my excitement about these things! I am tempered though in the realization that it is not likely that my main goal, the thing I have decided would make me decide I was done, is likely not possible. I want to have a completely flat belly. It is a dream of mine, but I am starting to see that my loose skin issues are prolly gonna prevent that from being a possibility without some form of surgical intervention. I doubt seriously that will be a possibility for me, so I am beginning to deal with that fact.

I have not talked about it as yet, but I have made pretty major change this week. I am trying out something new. I have been an OCD food intake tracker for the past few months. Like two to three separate lists being maintained through out the day, one home, one work and one at school. I was debating during Sunday's run if maybe I have gotten so OCD that maybe I am eating when I think I should be getting calories just because I have them coming. So for this week, I am trying intuitive eating rather than tracking. I have to admit, I tend to not eat at my "prescribed times" as much and without having hard numbers, I think I eat less actually. I wonder if my mental schedule was putting me to eating when I wasn't really hungry but only mentally prepared to eat? So I will try this until my next weigh in and see if I am successful. If not, then right back to tracking baby!

Darn Time Change!

Yesterday was not the model of perfection for me. I got up late, didn't get my workout in, had a crummy day at work, and was in a bit of a funk generally. I honestly assign blame for my funk to the fact I didn't get to jog yesterday morning. It seems that I know really and truly count on that little endorphin high in the morning to get me on the right path attitude wise.

So the way it happened was that we had storms Sunday night that apparently knocked out our power briefly while I was asleep. I did wake up and see that my alarm clock was flashing, but I have a battery back up in it because I am seriously that anal about getting up on time and getting things done. So I assumed it was just flashing to show me that the power had gone off, so I bumped it forward one minute and went back to sleep. Well I woke up thinking I felt awfully refreshed for some reason, then happened to notice out local news was on the tv in the bedroom! I immediately knew that it was waaaay later than I usually get up! It was 6:20 and I was late late late! So I got Kathy up cause she needed to be leaving shortly, and I got myself fed and showered and out the door as quickly as possible, but I knew that not running was probably gonna work on me all day, and it did. So my alarm clock has a new battery in it now! And I am up and on time and ready to rock today! That day off may not have been a bad thing though. I had a great weekend running wise. I got 4.5 miles in on Saturday at the lake trail and then I got a spectacular 3 miler in on Sunday around the neighborhood with all the hills, both up and down and steep! I also got a chance to go out and survey the place I am going to be running next weekend and those guys are in trouble!! I train throughout the week on the treadmill going uphill for thirty minutes. When I get on flat ground, I am a monster, and that course appears to be mostly flat ground!! Oh I can see it now! I am going to do ok I just know it! I think once i get this one under my belt, I am gonna start seeing about getting a 10k to go to. I may be a month or so out from being ready for one, but I am a planner.

Ok, I gotta get off her and get the coffee IV going so I can get on the treadmill and kick some hiney this morning. Ya'll have a wonderful Tuesday and keep the Japanese people in your thoughts please. they cannot seem to catch a break after the earthquake. I hope that you find a way to somehow contribute to the cause by donating water or food or money for their relief.

Where I Was, Where I am, Where I Am Going

Guys and gals of the blogosphere, I have a message for you. If you are not currently already jogging, take it up. It is hard, it seems impossible at first. But if you are not physically limited by some malady, for realz yo, hit that trail. I can honestly say that even though I have lost 101 pounds, and I am super duper excited about that achievement, I really and truly marvel more at my ability to jog for extended periods of time. I went to the Van Buren Park yesterday at 6:45 in the morning, stretched out real good, and hopped on the sidewalk trail that is .75 miles long around the "lake" there (big pond is more accurate). As I got started, the sun came up over the earthen dam, and I never wished I had a camera more that I did at that moment. Oh well I prolly wouldn't have stopped to take a picture anyway. Once I start jogging, I am not likely to stop until I am done. As I have talked about before, I get these ideas in my head and they seem to get stuck in there and I can't get them out. Earlier in the week, I was stuck on going 4.5 miles for my long jog this week. My previous high was 3.75 miles. I knew before going that I would not be able to do any less that that. But the truth was, it was preordained that I would do 4.5, even if it killed me! What I did not expect it was unfolded. You know the melt down I had Friday evening? Yeah, I know it was dumb. But it may have opened my eyes to something I had heard about but never understood. Carb loading. It is going to sound like a load of rationalizing and I call bs on myself when needed, but the evidence was there that it may be a valid theory. I would obviously need to modify it, but still. I kid you not, I was in mile 4 before I ever felt any discomfort from running at all! I was breathing fine, my muscles were ambulating just fine, I was smooth and steady and no fatigue whatsoever! I cruised around the last lap, which was the first one that I felt any tiredness at all, with the thought that if I so chose, I could have gone another lap and maybe even two! But one thing I try to do, regardless of what I think I could do that day, I try to save room for later achievements if I can. I don't know if this is best, but it sure has seemed to work out for me so far, so I am gonna stick with it.

The other thing I have noticed is that I have taken up an old habit I had while I was walking. I get very introspective. Now that jogging is no longer an activity that really requires me to think about it anymore, I get to think a whole bunch while I do it. Yesterday, it dawned on me as I was doing my last lap, this jog was an impossible dream 7 months ago. In fact, I had tried to get here late summer early fall of last year. I convinced myself that my ankles couldn't take it and that i was relegated to walking at Wal Mart in the mornings for my exercise. But like I said, I get an idea in my head, it doesn't really seem to go away ever. I kept it in there and finally it got the best of me. I started jogging a little because of the speed of a workout program on my treadmill, then I had a nice day pop up in the winter and I just tried out jogging on that park trail I mentioned earlier, just because I wanted to know. That I can point to as the beginning of the beginning! I was hooked after that! I only jogged a mile and a half, my pace wasn't great, but I could see my potential! It has grown from there and I have to say, I would call that the single biggest identity changer I have ever experienced! I am now a jogger, up from that 297 pounder who walked around his block in late July and was shocked that he was winded, sweaty, and his back was killing him after a half mile. Just sitting here and soaking that last sentence in, I have to wonder how did I let it get that far? But more importantly, look how far I have come!! I have to admit something, my friend Dawne had me so jealous for so long when I would read her blog and see how far she had run that day. I kinda think that may have been my initial motivation to get started. She has said on more than one occasion she suspected that would become a runner one day and that I would do well at it. I am suspecting that Dawne was on to something.

I am signed up for a competitive 5k next week and I am so excited about it. But the reality is, I have my eyes on a 10k already after yesterday's success. I was halfway there already and I don't know that I couldn't have made it but for saving that achievement for another day. I just can't believe that I am thinking that way now. and the timing couldn't be better since it is turning off spring here in the Ozarks! I get to go out for another jog outside this morning and I am looking so forward to that again. I am shooting for another day that I make 4.5 miles, only this time, I am keeping it local and have mapped out a track around my neighborhood and the adjoining one. It is going to be epic I tell ya! And I know this may be premature, but I am now stuck on the idea of a half marathon. I know, I know. But it is up there and I really don't see me getting it out of there..... that is the nature of me. So stay tuned guys!

I Am Officially a Razorback Baby!!

Yesterday's visit to the University of Arkansas School of Law was an absolute joyful experience! It left me scared and excited at the same time. Shakira (not the famous one) was a wonderful hostess and tour guide and I left the school ready to start tomorrow dang it! I have been collecting coffee cups here lately, so the day would not have been a complete day if I had not bought a coffee mug to commemorate that I officially dropped off my pre-registration paperwork and had officially reserved my spot to be admitted in the fall of the 2011-2012 incoming class!! I only have to submit my final transcript and I am a law student!! I celebrated with the purchase of the coffee mug above, and then Kathy took to Academy where we had found that the Under Armour back packs were on sale. I at some point in my undergrad career had told Kathy that since I made the back pack I have last 4 years, I wanted a decent back pack if I am ever accepted to law school. Well, I now own an Under Armour back pack that we got on sale!! Talk about double sweetness!

I think the thing that struck me the most during my tour is that grad school seems to cater to the students MUCH more. I mean the Leflar Law center has some very swanky amenities (or at least tot his redneck they do). You have a full kitchen to keep your stuff in and cook if you want to, the library is second to none in its resources, they have a room that blocks out white noise for studying, the court yard is gorgeous, their mock courtroom is as nice or nicer than the Federal Courtroom I visited as an undergrad in the paralegal program. I was especially charged up by my visit to the legal clinic! I suspect by the middle of my second year, I will be a fixture in there! I really had the most wonderful visit!

Now that was all the good stuff. Here is the I am not so proud stuff. I don't know how it happened exactly, but I wound up at the pizza joint last night with Kathy. We hadn't eaten a whole lot yesterday, so I was thinking we go split a pizza to cap off the day, but somehow, she reasoned that we should get the special that is two specialty pizzas for 20 bucks. It is a good deal but I should have known better. So we got a cheeseburger pizza and a 6 meat pizza to bring home. I actually preplanned to have none of the bring home pizza and that is still the case. But I had planned on capping myself at 3 pieces of the cheeseburger pizza, but I had 4. I did make it a point to not eat the crust that had no toppings, which was pretty good for me. I am a pizza fiend. And honestly, had that been the extent of the days damages, hey, I would have shrugged it off. Buuuuuut when we got home, I had Samoa cookies on the brain in a bad way. Long story short, I resisted for a bit, but eventually, I killed a box of those as well minus the 4 I gave Kathy. Am I disappointed in myself, yes. But am I defeated, not by a long shot. I need to digest all this, figure out where it is coming from, and make a better plan. I should have employed my 'not going to law school as a lard ass' last night, but didn't. So now, during my 4.5 mile run today, I am going to reset my psyche, and make the next week one I can call myself proud of and build on that. It was one day, but I know what one day can turn into, as I have witnessed my performance eating wise fall off the last few weeks. I need to get back on the train, build my steam back up, and get to getting! I think the thing that hurts me worst to be honest is that I don't suffer significant failures in the weight loss department. Even with having a questionable couple of weeks between weigh ins, I lost 2.5 pounds. That messes with me and allows me to have the rationalization days where I do what I did yesterday. Failure is the ultimate motivator for me, but I need to make FEAR of failure my motivator now. So today is going to be a water only, minimal meal kinda of day for Shane (yeah I am going third person) and a day to pour the coal to the train and get it headed back on track!

First Weigh Day On This Side of 200

This morning was my first weigh in day since my arrival in One-derland! I have to admit, I was worried a little since I had some struggles between that weigh day and this one. But somehow, someway, I managed to lost another 2 pounds. I am at 196 pounds, which leaves me 101 pounds lost baby!! I love it! In a million years, never would have guessed that would happen! So with that goal out of the way, it is time to set my jaw and begin working at that 189 by April the 22nd goal. One thing I am thinking of doing now though is letting the weight come off a little slower. I was jogging in the morning and then walking at lunch, but I think at this point, I am going to start just working out in the morning with a good challenging jog. My time has become quite the premium and I am being a lot more active on the weekends here lately with the weather warming up. I am of the opinion that it wouldn't hurt me to maybe get things done that I need to get done on my lunch hour and see if that doesn't take some of the time strain off me the rest of the day, and make my life easier in general. Sure hope so!

Ok, I hate this side of me. I don't want to say I am judging, I think it just strikes too close to home for me, and makes me realize who I was before. I had to stop at Wal Mart on the way home from class last night cause it turns out my dogs like to eat and they were out of food. So as I am walking back down the main aisle, I see a very large gentleman in one of those electric scooters for shopping. I had not noticed it on the way in, but he was at a bin in the aisle that had all sorts of those packages of mini candy bars, mini reeses cups, etc. He was loading up! I mean I was a huge fat man, I was. And I loaded up too! But I would like to think that if my life had gotten so the point that I felt the need to use one of those scooters, well I would have to begin to think maybe that bin was off limits! Again, it wasn't me judging him I don't think, it was me judging the situation and imagining that that guy could have been me with just a few things going differently. And I still get frustrated that I can't just stop and tell a stranger the secret, and I can't just give them the will power to get started and stay motivated. I honestly wish I could, I really would love to share this with the world!

So today is one of those days I have been waiting for. I am going to visit the University of Arkansas School of Law baby! I have been admitted for the fall semester! I got my letter yesterday and let me tell you, it was a rush! Kathy and I are going up to tour the facilities and get a little orientation. I want Kathy to see the place I am going to be spending the majority of my next three years so that when I describe my personal hell, she will have a frame of visual reference. haha. But really, I am so excited! I have had this dream on some level for years, and I have had this goal actually set for the last 4 years, so this really is my day of validation in my head.

Well, I have a Lauren that got up waaay early for some reason, so I am going to get off here and go see if she is ill or what the deal is. Ya'll have a great Friday and I will see you tomorrow!

Edit!!! I had to come back after I updated my ticker because two very exciting things happened! I just discovered that I am below 30 on my BMI, and that puts me officially out of the obese category!! I am now officially overweight!! Wooo HOOOOOOOOOO!! I am so excited.

Well Duh, How Can I Not Figure That Out

I know I have talked about having a few bad days last week after I hit One-derland. I was truly not sure why I was languishing after having such drive and determination for so long. I had tried some prop me up things, like my new mantra "I ain't going to law school as a lard ass" (which has been hugely successful by the by), but I knew I had to get to the low down on why I was not in the same frame of mind as I was prior to hitting that huge objective. As is often the case, inspiration comes to me when I am working out. I seem to reach a clarity of mind on the treadmill, on the road, or on the park trail when I am jogging. I did not set a specific goal after that huge accomplishment. I was ,well, languishing. So as I worked that out in my head, I started doing some math on how many weigh days I had between now and the end of April, how many pounds I thought it was reasonable I could lose each weigh day, and came up with my new goal. I want to be at 189 by April 22nd!! If I come up just short of that, then I want to be there by May 6 so that I can walk across that graduation stage in my 180's, a full 111 pounds or more lighter than when I got my Associates degree! That graduation picture may be one of my least proud moments ever. I look at it and just get a little sad now. Once this new picture is developed, the first one may "disappear" mysteriously.

I got the biggest adrenaline rush yesterday. I know I was already told by the dean of admissions I was being admitted to University of Arkansas School of Law, but I got the actual acceptance letter yesterday!!! I was so excited and my mind was buzzing a million miles an hour and it was just a wonderful feeling! I have scheduled a visit to the school so I can get familiar with it and I need to get my registration secured while I am up there. Oh and I have the best boss ever!! She and Jill got me a present and a very wonderful card to celebrate my admission and gave it to me yesterday. I got two books about surviving your first year of law school! I plan on giving them both a read this weekend and I am extremely grateful that I have such a wonderful boss or heck even just person as Cheryl Fisher Anderson in my life! She is so awesome. I can't even put it into words.

I am having a crisis of conscious. I have become extremely bad at commenting on blogs lately. It just seems I am going 100 miles an hour all the time and I do read them all in my feed, I just have gotten terrible at responding to them. It was all I could do it seems to pull out of the spiral of not posting I went through recently. I am sorry if I have offended anyone by my lack of participating lately. I will try to work on it, but at present, I have enough balls in the air that I am not sure how long it will be before I can make this right.

Ya'll have a wonderful Thursday and I will see you in the morning for yet another weigh in. I am not nearly as nervous about this one. it is kinda weird.

NSV? It Seems Like One To Me

My morning routine: hit the snooze, hit the snooze, drag out of bed, let the dogs out, drink coffee, let dogs in, hit the treadmill, rehydrate with a couple of glasses of water, cook breakfast, wake my girls up, shower, leave to drop Lauren off at school, go to work. I am cruising along yesterday, get to the cooking breakfast part. I usually fry me some eggs, and typically I leave a little of the egg yolk on my plate for my chihuahua Bella. It is our little thing we do. So yesterday, I get the urge for scrambled eggs with onion in them. So I cook scrambled eggs with onion in them. Not a big deal, but Bella is sitting patiently at my feet waiting for the plate with egg yolk on it. I did something I promise you Old Shane would have never done. I stopped short and saved some eggs for Bella to eat!!! Not just a tid bit either, she got a pretty good portion. I was pretty shocked after I thought about it. I was the guy that not only finished my food, but yours too!! If we had supper and Lauren didn't finish, I had my second helping plus her uneaten portion. If we were out, I made sure I got all the food eaten cause I paid for it. If it was about to get questionable in the fridge, I am there! Wow, I don't know that the Bella thing was an NSV, but it was an eye opener to one huge change I have made. I am counting it as a victory of some sort!

So the morning progresses and I am out of the shower and getting dressed. We have our tv on in the bedroom and an infomercial is on about something called Sensa. It is essentially something you are supposed to be able to sprinkle on your food and eat whatever you want and lose weight!! How frikkin' reckless is that? seriously? How can you even rationalize to yourself that you are going to sprinkle some stuff on a cheeseburger and it is all good man!! I just find it fascinating that us humans are always looking for that magic pill for weight loss, rather than just doing something common sense. For example, get off your butt and move and maybe, just maybe, stop eating 4000 calories a day... .I dunno but it may work.

I have really been getting excited about my first 5k run on the 19th! I have these visions of me doing pretty decently in the field, and yes even of me proudly wearing my first 5k t-shirt around proudly. I am going by myself so I hope to make a friend that will take my picture when I finish if nothing else. I have also started looking for other 5k's locally and have found two more I printed off the entry forms for. I don't get paid till tomorrow, I think I will fire off checks for both of them. One is in the town I used to work in so I imagine I will run into quite a few people I know there.I worked for the city so I knew most of the people in town on some level. It should be fun to get the reaction to my weight loss from them. They will prolly be shocked! Haha.

Today is push it hard day again on the treadmill, so I best get this coffee drank and get my shoes on. Ya'll have a great Wednesday and don't do anything I wouldn't.

The Thing About Workouts

Good Fat Tuesday folks! Hope everybody does something fun before Lent! As for me, I will keep cruising along working 8 hours and school for three. Should be a hoot!

So after yesterdays post, as per usual, I went and hopped on the treadmill for my morning workout. I don't have a set schedule of what days I do what workouts, but as a general rule, I try to do a really strenuous workout on Monday, little less on Tuesday, hit it hard on Wednesday again since I take Thursday off the treadmill, then Friday I usually go for distance, Saturday is 3 miles or more, and Sunday is kind of a get a good workout in but not too hard. One thing I have noticed lately is that I keep pushing myself a little farther and harder every week. Now, I am sure we have all had those workouts where we just kill it and don't even hardly feel the effects of it at all! Those are some very uplifting times, no doubt about that. It is great to see your efforts pay off and to show that guy you were six months ago that avoiding working out was stupid! Look at me now! But ultimately, I have found that those days that I am struggling through my workout, like the days I decide to crank up the speed a little or do the incline a little longer intervals, and I am really just trying to survive the new challenge, when I do survive and finish, those are the more satisfying workouts. I had a heck of a time finishing up yesterdays workout. I was literally trying every mind trick in the book to keep my going rather than turning down the incline or the speed. That may be the biggest thing I love about jogging outside without the treadmill, I don't have to look at numbers for the whole half hour or whatever amount of time I jog. I just drift off into my own little world and come back when I have reached my distance goal. But back to subject. So when I was done yesterday, I was so pleased with myself that I have conquered the guy that said "this is hard, so screw that!" from July of last year. I have been thinking and I have an addictive personality. It is my character flaw, and how I got so fat to begin with. I think my love of working out stems from the fact that I get an endorphin high every day! I am addicted, that is why I push a little more and a little harder so regularly. I think that this addiction may be much healthier for me though... haha.

I have been chronicling the fact that my train pulling in to One-derland has presented some challenges to me in the eating department. I am find during the day, it is the evening times I have been struggling with snacking. I have been conscientious of the problem and I think I have come up with my new method of battling it. I never mindlessly eat anymore, when I make a bad choice, it is at the forefront of my mind, I just choose to do it anyway. So last night, I was cruising along just fine, when I got the urge again. I did make my way to the kitchen, and I did open the fridge, but I suddenly thought "hey stupid, I am not going to law school as a lard ass, forget this!" It totally worked! I think I have a new mantra to help me in my new journey to 185 pounds! I had to use it again about a half hour later and voila! Once again, I strengthened a new habit! Yaaaay! Do ya'll have any tricks you use to combat the urge to snack?

Trying To Get It Dialed In

I am still not where I want to be on my eating. I am at least conscientious about it, but I need to be actively taking care of it. I am doing great all day until the evenings. Not that I am killing myself still with sweets. I have gotten off the cereal kick and no more girl scout cookies episodes. But I still hit me some peanut butter, I still grab an extra yogurt, if there are bananas, they are in danger. And I am gonna have to ask Kathy to quit bringing Pringles home. Not that we usually have them, but last night we had them as a side to the burgers I grilled and then they wound up tempting me into having another serving. It was 130 calories but still.

I had made a pledge to not snack in the evenings for two weeks last week. It has not happened but one day, so I am renewing that pledge. I think with this being a Monday and my busy life with work and school resuming, I can once again gain some momentum towards that end. I hate that making One-derland, rather than being a glorious event, has made my eating a challenge instead. I stand here today ready to make it a priority that my progress go on. I want, no wait I NEED to see my scale say 189! So here I got. On March 7, 2011, I begin a new journey. This time, the goal is to get my night time snacking under control and to see my scale say 185 pounds!! Tally Ho!!!

Coincidence? I Don't Think So..... HAHA

I am still riding the high of finding out about being admitted to law school. I have to admit, that day was a long time coming and it was everything I thought it would be. I am really glad it was on a Friday so I didn't have to contain myself at work all day. In fact, finding out on a day off work was the best thing ever because I was able to wear off the adrenaline with lots of activity yesterday. When I had all the phone calls I wanted to make done and went down to celebrate in person with Mom for a bit, I got busy being busy. I found out an amazing coincidence, or is it? If I jog my block twice and then jog over to the neighborhood next to ours, jog it twice, and jog back, it is exactly 3.1 miles!! For those who don't know, that is the exact distance of a 5k! To top that off, the run is full of up and down hills which is perfect for training for a 5k here anyway! I do run on an incline on the treadmill 4 days a week, but for me, it is just as challenging to run down hills if not moreso. I am sure they make a treadmill that makes a downhill angle, but that is not in my price range if they do! In fact, I am gonna research that fact once I am done typing this up. So anyway, it was a great jog and I am consistently at 31 minutes without any competition around, so once my competitiveness kicks in on the 19th, I have to wonder if I will break the 29 minute mark? That would be great !!

It is funny, I have always loved Academy but I used to only go look at the weights and the punching bags and the regular tennis shoes. We had to drop Lauren off at a Girl Scout function last night in Fort Smith, which is the next town over, and didn't want to drive all the way back home then turn around and go back, so we dream shopped at Academy for about an hour. I got stuck on the running shoes and the section where they keep the stuff for runners. I am pretty sure I am going to buy the Under Armour runners wallet that goes on your arm, I like a pedometer they have there that is an MP3 player, a pedometer, and it counts calories burned during a run! 20 dollars!! I guess it didn't sell well cause it was 50 dollars marked down to twenty. I am going to research it and see if it has flaws or if that is a good buy. Anyway, my point being that I guess I now identify myself as a runner, which quite frankly has always been a dream of mine since I was in junior high. I even used to have vivid dreams, one in particular I liked. I was jogging on a beautiful golf course and just felt so powerful and free when I would head down a gorgeous hilly fairway. I loved that I could feel the wind in my hair and the grass beneath my feet and God in my heart! I haven't dreamed that on in awhile but I would love to have it come by again! Especially now that I have a good idea what it is like in real life too!

We had a booth sale on Girl Scout cookies scheduled for today, but it has been called off because of rain and lack of volunteers to man the booth. Instead, I am going to try to find ways to fill the first half of the day and then we are going to Bentonville to see our friend Bobbie. She is a wonderful friend I happened to meet through my ex good friend John. Not much good comes out of knowing John anymore, but I did get a great friend in her! She bought a bunch of cookies from Lauren and also sold some to her friends, so we are going to deliver them and maybe take her out to eat and chill for a bit. Oh, I forgot to mention that Lauren made a volley ball team in an all girls league. Bobbie's daughter Shae played volleyball all through junior high and high school, so Lauren is taking her ball up there and Shae is going to work with her a little to show her some basic stuff and some cool tricks! should be a great trip!

Ok, I am going to down this coffee and figure out how I can get a few things done this morning. I am done threatening to change my oil, I am just gonna do it! Ya'll have a great day!

For Those Interested

I have made all the phone calls so now I am comfortable putting it out there on the web. I AM GOING TO LAW SCHOOL BABY!! I got the email this morning!!!! I will be going to the University of Arkansas School of Law in the fall!!

This Is Getting To Be Too Regular

So I had a little melt down last night. I ate to distract myself. Did not enjoy it in the least. I am fixing to tell you why and it will sound like a rationalization a little, but one thing I can tell you, it was a tool to make me distracted by being pissed at myself more than a pleasure seeking trip.

Only I can have this luck. God obviously has sense of humor in how this all played out. As I told you, I took the LSAT three weeks ago. It takes them awhile to get your score to you. I am a avid email checker and have been more so in the last week anticipating my score coming in. Well the last conversation I had with the assistant dean of admissions, he basically told me I needed to get my score up 5 points to get admission. I made a 146 then. So I have been hoping for at least a 151. However, he didn't say you will be accepted if it is up 5 points I don't think. So last night I had class till late and didn't get home until 8:30. I check my e mail and there it is! The notification that I got the 151!! I am excited I got it but it occurs to me immediately that it puts me on the cusp! There is a formula they use as I understand it that takes your GPA and your LSAT score into account and gives you and index number that either you get the auto admit or you have to write a letter explaining why you should get provisional admission. I am hoping to avoid the provisional admission by getting the auto admit with my score, but, here is the thing. I find this out at 9 at night! The assistant dean of admissions is obviously not reachable at 9 at night, and I will tell you this, I am not a patient person on normal every day issues, so imagine how impatient I must be on life altering issues!! I am completely going nuts at this point in time trying to see if I can find that UA School of Law uses a formula, what index gets you an auto in, any info I can find and I am not able to . I obviously shoot off an email to Mr. Miller with my numbers to ask if these will get me admission, for good measure I shoot one off to admissions as well, but by this time, I have exhausted all measures I can take for the moment! I am not a good passive person, I am active in crisis. So with nothing to do to take my mind off of the situation, I started snacking. Now before you get to livid, keep in mind, not many crappy snack around here anymore. My snacking consisted of yogurt, a banana, a celery stick with pb, a spoon of pb. But then it got serious, I went all cereal on my ass!! Two bowls of Reeses Puffs! that was the end of it, but it did get me pissed at myself for being weak and take my mind off the law school dilemma. And of course, Mr. Dead Sleeper didn't sleep worth a crap last night. I was up till almost 11, which is unheard of and Kathy got the biggest kick out of, and woke up twice in the night and had hell getting back to sleep. I did hit the snooze several times this morning though. So today's plan is to stay busy. I am going to jog today but I think rather than go for the 4.5 miles I talked about, I am gonna keep it to just over 3 today. I have been pushing pretty hard so I may "take it easy" ..... haha. I am also thinking I will keep the jog local so that I can get right back to the house to check my email when I am done. I will be awaiting some sort of answer with baited breath obviously!! If I haven't gotten the answer by the end of my jog, I am going to load up some scrap metal I have around and go sell it, I am going to change the oil in my truck and do the windows. It still has a nicotine film on all the windows and that bothers the hell out of me but I haven't had the chance this week to address it! Tonight will be the first time all week I don't have a late night ahead of me!

Ok, I am gonna go get the girls rousted out of bed and get them going so I can get my self occupied with physical tasks and get my mind off this waiting!!

I Shall Finish The Game

I talked about how I was struggling with my permissive eating earlier this week and how I related that it seemed to be related to the fact that I had reached the huge first goal of getting under 200 pounds. I asked God for help, set my jaw, and became determined to get back on track with no snacking at night, and no permissive eating for at least two weeks. Of course, given my prayers and a few good days of structured eating and minimal snacking, I have gotten back into the groove. I am not sure how many of you have seen the movie "Young Guns", but it has a quote in it that popped in my head while I was jogging yesterday morning. Billy the Kid is telling a story that his mentor told him, about two old men playing a game of mah jong I believe, and a third man approaches and tells them the world is coming to an in a few hours and how he is going to go do something and asks what the other two guys are going to do, the one replies with another task that he is going to do, and the last guy looks at both and says to them "I shall finish the game". I know the context is not right, I am no where near having my weight loss journey come crashing down on me, but the sentiment fit my attitude. I set out with some specific goals in mind. I want to lose to a certain weight, and I want to maintain that weight and be healthier in my eating and more active in my life. And I now know that I am not going to fall off the wagon after this huge achievement as I have in the past, I shall finish the game! I refuse to be the guy that in one year is talking about "yeah in 2010-2011 I had a great run at weight loss and was under 200, I don't know how I let that go". I am done with that story. I won't be re-telling it anymore. In one year, I plan to be telling the story of how I was 300+ pounds in 2009, and then I got off my ass and did something about it and now have run a half marathon! I plan on being "that guy" that tells people how he feels better and healthier now than he did on his thirtieth birthday. I shall finish the game!

So in the TMI area maybe, but I am thinking I may need to buy a compression shirt or two. I have found out why they exist I do believe. I am having the worst time with my shirts rubbing my nipples raw when I jog and get sweaty! I cannot begin to explain how uncomfortable that is. I can combat it by taking my shirt off when the sweat begins to pour while on the treadmill, but out at the park and yes at the 5k I am going to run at on March 19th, I am pretty sure nobody wants to see that happen! So I am debating about buying just one compression shirt and no, I will not wear only that shirt, it will get a cover. But, maybe one day? I am fascinated by how my belly is really beginning to make some real changes. My muffin top is getting so much smaller, but it has this weird wrinkly thing going on at the very bottom of it. honestly, if it werent for that weirdness, I would almost be ok with going shirtless right now, but that has prevented any idea of such madness from happening! all in all, I can say that my loose skin issues are not as bad as they should be, and I attribute that to my water drinking fool self. I read somewhere that if you drink tons of water while losing large amounts of weight, it keeps the fat cells and skin cells from being so droopy by keeping them full and more structurally sound while they shrink. I dunno if there is any credence to be lent to this, but all I know is I drink water and lots of it and the skin is not as bad as I think it should be for having lost almost a hundred pounds in 7 or so months. Take that for what it is worth.

Ok, I take Thursdays off from working out, and I have to admit, it has become a day of angst for me. I so look forward to hitting the treadmill every morning and getting my endorphin fix. I do realize that I have to take a day off though and I chose Thursday because I have Fridays off from work and have began to hit the park trail for jogging without any time limits and I am able to push myself on those days. As I sit and type this, I am getting more and more upset with the fact that it is the time that I usually am lacing my shoes up to go get on the treadmill. That is actually why this blog entry is so long. I am trying to occupy my mind and get over that angst! Ok, I am done blogging now. Bye everybody and have a wonderful day!!

Somehow I Missed Telling You And A New NSV

I don't know how I managed to not tell you guys this first thing, but I have signed up for my first 5k run!!! It is on March 19 and it is for Toys For Tots! I am so super excited that all this jogging I have been doing has finally gotten me to a point that I can be competitive in a 5k race. I won't finish first, but I won't be last either and that makes me happy to think about. I am also getting that urge in the back of my mind to start trying to train for a half marathon. That urge is a good indication that will happen. I get those tickles and they just don't go away until I do something about them. I have decided that I am going to start jogging a little more each Friday morning until I get there one day. I guess common sense would dominate that I need to find a training guide somewhere, so I may go do that too since this tickle is not likely to go away.

I had another great NSV. I can't remember if I talked about it on here or not but I got my little Mazda truck back from my Mom as a Christmas gift in anticipation that I will be going to law school and the long drive back and forth was going to kill me in gas. Well gas started going up already, so I decided it may be time to put the Mazda into service a little early. So I got it insured and tagged and started driving it last Friday. Well I have an F150 extended cab, so as you can imagine, there is a huge adjustment going from a huge Ford truck with lots of space back to a teeny Mazda single cab with next to no space. One of my proudest moments in this journey was the day I was able to change my shoes so I could go walk at Wal Mart while sitting normally behind my steering wheel. Well yesterday, I went to the park for my lunch walk and just to see if I could, I tried to change my shoes behind the Mazda steering wheel. Yeah, I am stunned at how much bigger I obviously was than I thought I was!!! It was not even a huge effort to change my shoes behind the steering wheel, and when I gave my parents the truck, I could barely fit behind the steering wheel. My belly was touching it!! I am finding more and more clues as to the denial I was living in when I was 300+ pounds. It is crazy!

I need to get off here and get a second cup of coffee in the blood stream and get on the treadmill for my jog. I can't wait until it starts being warm enough in the morning for me to jog the block instead. It is much more pleasant for me to jog outside with no numbers staring back at me from the control panel. The treadmill is good for one thing though. I often push myself too hard without any carburetor to hold me back. ON the days I need to take it a little easier to rest my legs, I am able to turn the speed down to a level that gets me a workout but does not push me too hard. Ok, now I am out of here. Ya'll have a great day and I will see ya'll tonight!!

Still Some Progress To Be Made

Oh I really did think that making it below 200 pounds would mean my life just got easier, but alas it did not. I am really stunned at how permissive I am getting in my night time eating. It is not to a point it is a problem yet, but I can see that trend developing. In fact, last night, I even ate some cake frosting out of the can before bed! That is as bad as it has gotten, but still really? Most of my snacking has been yogurt and bananas, but the frosting freaks me out now that I had time to think about it. So I have decided to institute a planning policy for the next two weeks until I can get my head right. My day time eating has not changed, so my plan will deal specifically with night time eating. I am going to a) suspend all eating beyond my peanut butter and celery snack after supper and that has to be done by 8o'clock and b) report my success to ya'll in a blog everyday that I am successful, which I am proclaiming will be all two weeks worth. I created new habits before that were good and not bad, and I can do it again. I have history on my side this time and I fully intend to use it.

I can't help but wonder how the heck I have even gotten to this point. Is it just human nature? I am so task oriented, I guess I may should have seen this coming from past weight loss journeys. Once I have accomplished a task, I am done. I think I was so focused on One-derland, I felt done when I got there. I need to now sit down and get my mind wrapped around 185-land I guess! I have been excessively busy since my victory on Friday and have not really had time to sit and reflect on my next set of goals. I have briefly thought about them along the path to below 200 but I think I need to cement them now, and that begins with getting this night snacking under control starting now.

I have to admit that blogging has once again most likely given me a venue to work out things that I am concerned about "out loud" to an audience that gets it, and I think that the opportunity to do so has been a huge part of my success in weight loss. I humbly request your assistance in helping me out on this last mile. Call BS on me if you see it, tell me how you handled that last little bit after a huge milestone was reached, throw me some ideas, anything that I can take in and think about is certainly appreciated. I need to stop thinking and start doing. And I am going to starting tonight. No night snacking! Period. 185, I am coming for ya!