I Have To Be Realistic

Oh the tension continues folks. This coming Friday may be the biggest weigh in yet in my journey to date! If I make One-derland, that will be such a big boost, but should I by some miracle also make it to 197, that will be one hundred pounds lost! I will take 199 and gloat and cheer, but if I get to 100 pounds lost, look out neighborhood!! I may streak or something!!

With all this pressure to get to one or both of those goals this Friday, as you can imagine, I am particularly fascinated with my eating and exercise and making sure both are on target. I have to admit that the cookie incident probably was not helpful, but with the excess of calories I had burned working so hard that day, I still wound up with a 600 calorie deficit that day, but imagine how much more definite I could be about making those two goals if I hadn't had those calories! But with all this angst and all the mental gymnastics I am doing with my eating, I came to a huge realization yesterday. I am always thinking I am eating too much lately. Regardless of where my calorie count winds up, I still think 'man, you were out of control today!'. So I was going through my food log to try to see what my problem was and what I needed to do to fix it. It hit me, hey Shane, there is no problem! (excepting the cookie incident of course). This is like a tenth of what you used to eat. So I began to go through and envision each meal and snack I had written down for a few of the days on my log. One egg, one egg white fried, 90 calories, what count as half a cup of cereal and half a cup of milk, but what is not really either and it goes down as 110 calories, a banana, 100 calorie snack, a pita wrap and a 90 calorie pack of lunch meat, I count as 170 calories, 14 almonds, 90 calories, a fiber bar, 140 calories, supper is usually a 4 to 6 ounce meat serving, most often boneless skinless chicken breast, fish, some steaks, some pork chips perhaps some meatloaf or a hamburger patty, always at least one serving of veggies but usually two, lots of salad and always followed by an 80 calories fat free yogurt, and the night cap is always 1 or 2 tablespoons of butter on a celery stick and sometimes some fruit or another veggie serving. So just typing that reinforced what I already figured out yesterday. And it also put into perspective one of the reasons I was doubting myself yesterday. I had Quorum Court last night and before we met, the local 4H club was serving food outside in the lobby to show off their cooking skills. I have a very good friend and her daughter that are in the 4H and I was wanting to be supportive even though I had eaten supper already. I was only at 1180 calories, so I went through the food line and got half of one enchilada that a child I didn't know had made, half an enchilada that my friend Maddie had made and a slice of breakfast casserole that looked good. I did let one of the kids give me some pasta of some sort in a cheese sauce, but i didn't really eat it, I put it in the trash. So all told, I ate maybe 300 calories right there. But in my head, it seemed like I had eaten 600 and gone over budget and wow what was I thinking, I should have just kept walking, etc etc. I am glad I had 10 minutes to reflect when I got home and put it all into perspective. Hopefully I can finish out this week and not question myself at every turn and go crazy. I think hitting One-derland and possibly 100 pounds lost would go a long way in getting me settled down and comfortable again. I like pressure but I like when it is resolved too!