I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I keep going over and over in my head the fact that I had reached where I wanted to get to, but then didn't protect it. How the heck does one do that? It drives me crazy.
So having thought about it too much, I decided to let that go. Move forward with getting there again. Of course, having had amazing success in losing 100 pounds in just a few months, my instinct is, let's do that again! I obviously know how to make it happen right? Well as we have all heard a million times, the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, expecting different results. I have always been able to lose weight easily and quickly, but I have never been able to keep it off. I always go back to poor eating HABITS. Habits, as in behaviors. Bad habits are not born over night, and changing them will not be a permanent fix if you attempt to do it over night.
So having reached that conclusion, my next question was ok, but this overeating thing, surely it is born of some emotional need right? I mean, it just isn't my fault!! To that I say that perhaps. Perhaps in a former life, where I was in a dead end job, I had no family, I knew I was meant for something bigger than standing on a factory floor all day, sometimes 7 days a week. Perhaps when I didn't have a close relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Perhaps before I went to 4 years of undergrad, finished law school, passed the bar, and got my dream job working in the prosecutor's office. Perhaps when I was constantly struggling to make ends meet, keep my family solvent, and wishing like crazy we had just enough money to take even a weekend trip to somewhere besides this state. Perhaps there was a huge hole I was trying to fill with food. But at this point in my life, I am better emotionally, professionally, and spiritually than I have ever been! And yet, I eat and eat and eat. At this point I can't really see that emotional eating is my problem. So I have narrowed it down to two problems. I eat out of habit, and dang it, I just like to eat!! If I am being honest, after my current meal, I am often thinking about what will the next meal be.
Previously, I was all about the numbers. How many calories am I eating? How many did I burn? What is my weight this week? It became a job or a project. As we all know, when you work too hard at a job or finish a project, you burn out or congratulate yourself on a job well done. I seriously remember that when I hit the Onederland mark, when I saw that 199, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had DONE IT. As in I was done. I had spent so much emotional energy chasing a NUMBER. I now realize, I needed to be chasing an change in behavior. I know, it seems that the behavior should have logically followed. But clearly, it didn't have time to take in the few months it took me to reach the goal NUMBER.
So now, my plan is this. I am not going to be fascinated by numbers anymore. From now on, the day starts with goals with regard to my behaviors. Yesterday, I had three goals when I started the day. I will not have seconds, I will not finish the kids plates, and I will not snack after supper(and if I am being honest yet again, snacking means eating continuously after supper). Not a single one of those are hard goals. And I made every single one of them. I ended the day with a sense of accomplishment. I began this day with a sense of resolve. I will keep those same goals for the next 3 weeks. I think that is sufficient time for them to become newer habits, replacing old habits.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
I call Shenanigans!
Recently, I have been approached by a few people about me starting to blog again. I have done the spit and sputter, stop and start thing lately when it comes to blogging and dieting. I often wonder why it is that I am doing that. I mean I have an idea of what needs to be done. I chronicled what turned out to be a wildly successful run down the scale to Onederland. It isn't like I should have to figure it all out again right? The mold is set, I just have to pour the plaster, right?
Yeah it seems like that would be the common sense approach. But if I am being honest, I have to call shenanigans on myself. This may be a reference that is missed to those who have never watched Southpark. The short hand on it is that in one episode, the boys were at a fair and someone tried to rip them off. So they called shenanigans and the cops came running. Well, I feel like I am a fraud who ripped people off. A lot of people bought into my blog, got caught up in my hype. A lot of people rah rah'd for me, congratulated me when I got to 196 pounds. I hear even more folks never said anything in real life but they read my blog and it was a high point of their day and made them want to follow in my steps.
Knowing this, I just feel like I let a lot of people down by back sliding, by being nearly back to square 1. And add to that the stops and starts I have been having with blogging and I just can't work up the heart to possibly let folks down again. As i sat typing this, I am starting to think that is likely the reason I am doing poorly generally. I am a fraud to myself. I swore to be damned that I would never tip the scales above 200 pounds again, and here I am in 2X shirts again. If I am a fraud to myself, how can I possibly sell myself on another run at Onederland?
Yeah it seems like that would be the common sense approach. But if I am being honest, I have to call shenanigans on myself. This may be a reference that is missed to those who have never watched Southpark. The short hand on it is that in one episode, the boys were at a fair and someone tried to rip them off. So they called shenanigans and the cops came running. Well, I feel like I am a fraud who ripped people off. A lot of people bought into my blog, got caught up in my hype. A lot of people rah rah'd for me, congratulated me when I got to 196 pounds. I hear even more folks never said anything in real life but they read my blog and it was a high point of their day and made them want to follow in my steps.
Knowing this, I just feel like I let a lot of people down by back sliding, by being nearly back to square 1. And add to that the stops and starts I have been having with blogging and I just can't work up the heart to possibly let folks down again. As i sat typing this, I am starting to think that is likely the reason I am doing poorly generally. I am a fraud to myself. I swore to be damned that I would never tip the scales above 200 pounds again, and here I am in 2X shirts again. If I am a fraud to myself, how can I possibly sell myself on another run at Onederland?
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Diversify Your Investments
People are people. As much as we like to think we are individuals, we are more alike than we would care to admit. For example, if 100 people were to go on a diet at the same time, and we asked each one of them what their goal is, each of them would tell you that they have a goal weight. Why is that? We all seem to want to measure our progress with a factor that is trackable, that shows progress in a tangible way. I call BS on using the "what does the scale say?" method. Why is that? I will tell you. Much like in the economic world, you have to diversify your investments for success. You can't put all your money in that volatile stock, you also have to find that safe investment that may not realize great gains, but will make sure you don't lose what you invested in it. When you are on the train for getting healthier, you can't simply look at a scale number, you have to recognize all the mile markers. Look for those non-scale victories!
I have been back on track of eating better for the most part and getting MUCH more organized exercise in, as well as being more active in my life generally, such as playing outside for an hour with the kids, or doing housework on weekend mornings rather than sitting around reading my ipad. I hopped on the scale recently, and I had lost a whopping 1 pound. That's it, just one measly pound. And that seems discouraging. But here are the things I can't write down on paper that I have recognized to have changed. My pants are baggy, the tensile strength of my 2X shirts is no longer being tested, and when I walk now, it is no longer an effort. I glide along, all light an airy like!! And lastly, when I am sitting down and realize that I need to go do something, I don't immediately try to figure out how I can put it off and sit more, I just get up and do it!! So look here Mr. Scale, you will not define my progress, you will not steal my thunder, you will not hold me back anymore!
I have been back on track of eating better for the most part and getting MUCH more organized exercise in, as well as being more active in my life generally, such as playing outside for an hour with the kids, or doing housework on weekend mornings rather than sitting around reading my ipad. I hopped on the scale recently, and I had lost a whopping 1 pound. That's it, just one measly pound. And that seems discouraging. But here are the things I can't write down on paper that I have recognized to have changed. My pants are baggy, the tensile strength of my 2X shirts is no longer being tested, and when I walk now, it is no longer an effort. I glide along, all light an airy like!! And lastly, when I am sitting down and realize that I need to go do something, I don't immediately try to figure out how I can put it off and sit more, I just get up and do it!! So look here Mr. Scale, you will not define my progress, you will not steal my thunder, you will not hold me back anymore!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Wagon Train!
Back in the 1800's, when the west was still "undiscovered country", often times folks that were looking for opportunities out west would get together and form a wagon train. Now in our culture, that is an odd concept to us. Most of us don't even want to travel with our own families, much less extended family or, gasp, strangers. But there was a purpose for the wagon train. There is strength in numbers folks! I can't fight off the wild animals at night and get sleep for tomorrow's journey. I need more people so that we can rotate nights of watching for the animals.
I am glad to report that my family and I have formed a modern day wagon train! Me, Kathy and Lauren are all in the groove here lately. Kathy has started to cook healthy meals for us at supper, and as the chief purchasing agent for the house, she is keeping crappy snacks out of the house and getting us to eat more veggies and other healthy snacks. I am the whip cracker when it comes to hounding everybody to get their exercise in, and Lauren is the most in shape of us and gives Kathy and I the desire to get in better shape just to hopefully one day show her up!
I can't begin to tell you how much easier it is to have the whole family on board! I did lose 100 pounds once, and I honestly believe that if our whole house had been in the same groove I was alone, that I would never have put it back on. And the best part is the part where I have to be cautiously optimistic is over. We have been doing this for more than a month I believe. I know that between my personal workouts and Kathy and I walking together, I have been feeling better of late and my clothes are starting to reward me for it. I did weigh the other day and while I am not particularly happy about the number, it is not deterring me. 280 is much better than the 315 I was at for my highest weight!
I also have the benefit of the fact that the office I work at has other folks in it that are gym goers, and my schedule permits me to take off long enough to get a good workout in and get cleaned back up for the office. I went to the gym 3 times this week and had excellent workouts. I am shooting for 4 times this week. Also the weather forecast seems to favor Kathy and I getting our evening walks in as well.
Yes sir, the wagon train has left and it is making its way into undiscovered country where the future is boundless! Go Griffins!
I am glad to report that my family and I have formed a modern day wagon train! Me, Kathy and Lauren are all in the groove here lately. Kathy has started to cook healthy meals for us at supper, and as the chief purchasing agent for the house, she is keeping crappy snacks out of the house and getting us to eat more veggies and other healthy snacks. I am the whip cracker when it comes to hounding everybody to get their exercise in, and Lauren is the most in shape of us and gives Kathy and I the desire to get in better shape just to hopefully one day show her up!
I can't begin to tell you how much easier it is to have the whole family on board! I did lose 100 pounds once, and I honestly believe that if our whole house had been in the same groove I was alone, that I would never have put it back on. And the best part is the part where I have to be cautiously optimistic is over. We have been doing this for more than a month I believe. I know that between my personal workouts and Kathy and I walking together, I have been feeling better of late and my clothes are starting to reward me for it. I did weigh the other day and while I am not particularly happy about the number, it is not deterring me. 280 is much better than the 315 I was at for my highest weight!
I also have the benefit of the fact that the office I work at has other folks in it that are gym goers, and my schedule permits me to take off long enough to get a good workout in and get cleaned back up for the office. I went to the gym 3 times this week and had excellent workouts. I am shooting for 4 times this week. Also the weather forecast seems to favor Kathy and I getting our evening walks in as well.
Yes sir, the wagon train has left and it is making its way into undiscovered country where the future is boundless! Go Griffins!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
$10,000,000
I had a wonderful experience last night. Me and my family sat around the dinner table and had a great discussion about the fact that we need to get off our butts and start eating right and exercising. What was the best part of it is that I wasn't the ring leader in the talk! It was amazing to have Katherine be the one who got loud and passionate about how we all deserve better than we are doing for ourselves! And how as for her, she as the head of food here at the house (aww who we kidding she runs the whole damned thing around here) was not going to stand for bringing crap in here anymore!
What sparked the whole discussion is that our daughter Lauren had made quite a stink about eating a bowl of fruit that Kathy had served with dinner. In all the talking and crying and getting the bad habits and ideas and hurt feelings out in the open, I made a point I am particularly proud of! I asked Lauren one simple question. I asked her if someone guaranteed her that if she ate a bowl of fruit for her dinner every night for 1 year, that they would give her $10,000,000.00, would she eat fruit every night for 1 year? She said without hesitation, yes. And so I asked her, what if I told you that if you eat a bowl of fruit every night for a year, you will be lighter, stronger and faster, and able to run 3 miles straight without quitting? Isn't that at least as good as $10,000,000.00? She hesitated but said yes.
Why is it that we think like that? Why is it so hard to do something that is good for you, and if you are consistent with it, it will bring you benefits galore. But we hesitate to say yeah to the good action if only our health is to gain, but the money gets a heck yeah right off the bat? Here is the thing. It isn't likely someone is going to pay you the 10 million for eating the bowl of fruit for a year, but it is a near certainty that you will be lighter, faster, and stronger at the end of that same year. It's a good bet to be making on yourself, so just pretend that you are chasing 10 million bucks in making your choices every day!!
What sparked the whole discussion is that our daughter Lauren had made quite a stink about eating a bowl of fruit that Kathy had served with dinner. In all the talking and crying and getting the bad habits and ideas and hurt feelings out in the open, I made a point I am particularly proud of! I asked Lauren one simple question. I asked her if someone guaranteed her that if she ate a bowl of fruit for her dinner every night for 1 year, that they would give her $10,000,000.00, would she eat fruit every night for 1 year? She said without hesitation, yes. And so I asked her, what if I told you that if you eat a bowl of fruit every night for a year, you will be lighter, stronger and faster, and able to run 3 miles straight without quitting? Isn't that at least as good as $10,000,000.00? She hesitated but said yes.
Why is it that we think like that? Why is it so hard to do something that is good for you, and if you are consistent with it, it will bring you benefits galore. But we hesitate to say yeah to the good action if only our health is to gain, but the money gets a heck yeah right off the bat? Here is the thing. It isn't likely someone is going to pay you the 10 million for eating the bowl of fruit for a year, but it is a near certainty that you will be lighter, faster, and stronger at the end of that same year. It's a good bet to be making on yourself, so just pretend that you are chasing 10 million bucks in making your choices every day!!
Monday, January 27, 2014
The Parking Brake Slide--------> Driving With My Right Hand
Yeah I know, the title makes you say HUH? Indulge me for a bit. When I was in high school, I drove the heck out of whatever I vehicle I had. One of my favorite moves was the parking brake slide. Yeah, I was that kid. So what did the parking brake slide accomplish? Nothing really, just a fancy way to stop. And to top if off, it tears up your vehicle and messes up your tires too. So in the end, it is a futile action. You are much better off applying the brakes with even pressure and coming to a proper stop. And your car will last longer.
What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, here is the thing. In 2010 and 2011 (I know, not a good amnesiac, still using the last journey, but it is for a point)I was doing the parking brake slide. Did I lose weight? Yup, and man did I look cool doing it too! I was knocking down 10 pounds a month! I was really getting the job done, or was I? See in 8 months, I was not actually building any long lasting habits. I was just in Mission Impossible Turned Possible mode. I was chasing a short sighted end, with a short sighted means. I went too fast and learned nothing from it. So once the Mission Accomplished banner was rolled out, then what? Go back to doing what you know I guess, because I did.
So where does the right handed driving part come into play? I will tell you. I am 41 years old. Been driving since I was 14. In all those years, there were two options. I drove with both hands on the wheel, or I drove with my left hand. For whatever reason, despite being a right handed person, it was not a natural feel for me to drive with my right hand only. I just couldn't do it. So lately, I have been having some pain in my left shoulder. When my shoulder is hurting bad enough, I have been trying to drive with my right hand the past couple of weeks. It has felt weird and never lasts for very long. So tonight, I had to run a few errands in town, so I took off driving down Highway 59. I was driving along deep in thought about some stuff, when it occurred to me...... I was driving right handed and it wasn't bothering me, it felt ok!!
I say all that to get to this. I feel like this time around, my goal should not be the parking brake slide method. It should be the right handed driving method. I am not going for whole sale changes and quick results. This time, I will single out behaviors that I want modified and work on them one at a time. For example, I am getting better at not eating second helpings of supper (and Kathy has been wonderful in helping me with this by adjusting the amount of food she makes). I am also better at eating more healthy snacks both during the day, and in the evening. Next up, I am going to try to phase the three small snacks at night to two, then one. I am also not going to try to be Hercules in the working out department this time around. I figure if I am going to do the right hand driving method, the weight will take longer to come off. My running won't come to me as fast as it did last time, so I have to continue to give this journey its own value, celebrate these successes and not measure them against 2010.
What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, here is the thing. In 2010 and 2011 (I know, not a good amnesiac, still using the last journey, but it is for a point)I was doing the parking brake slide. Did I lose weight? Yup, and man did I look cool doing it too! I was knocking down 10 pounds a month! I was really getting the job done, or was I? See in 8 months, I was not actually building any long lasting habits. I was just in Mission Impossible Turned Possible mode. I was chasing a short sighted end, with a short sighted means. I went too fast and learned nothing from it. So once the Mission Accomplished banner was rolled out, then what? Go back to doing what you know I guess, because I did.
So where does the right handed driving part come into play? I will tell you. I am 41 years old. Been driving since I was 14. In all those years, there were two options. I drove with both hands on the wheel, or I drove with my left hand. For whatever reason, despite being a right handed person, it was not a natural feel for me to drive with my right hand only. I just couldn't do it. So lately, I have been having some pain in my left shoulder. When my shoulder is hurting bad enough, I have been trying to drive with my right hand the past couple of weeks. It has felt weird and never lasts for very long. So tonight, I had to run a few errands in town, so I took off driving down Highway 59. I was driving along deep in thought about some stuff, when it occurred to me...... I was driving right handed and it wasn't bothering me, it felt ok!!
I say all that to get to this. I feel like this time around, my goal should not be the parking brake slide method. It should be the right handed driving method. I am not going for whole sale changes and quick results. This time, I will single out behaviors that I want modified and work on them one at a time. For example, I am getting better at not eating second helpings of supper (and Kathy has been wonderful in helping me with this by adjusting the amount of food she makes). I am also better at eating more healthy snacks both during the day, and in the evening. Next up, I am going to try to phase the three small snacks at night to two, then one. I am also not going to try to be Hercules in the working out department this time around. I figure if I am going to do the right hand driving method, the weight will take longer to come off. My running won't come to me as fast as it did last time, so I have to continue to give this journey its own value, celebrate these successes and not measure them against 2010.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
The 2X Redemption
Anybody who has ever lost weight only to gain it back will get this post. See, at my peak, I was wearing a large shirt, and even that was getting to be a little baggy. But along the way, I of course began having to buy a couple of shirts here and there to account for the fact that I was putting the pounds back on. It sucked to go out and buy a few XL shirts, and it was humbling or degrading or something to have to begin to buy a few 2X shirts after that. And if I am being open and honest about how far I have come, I was preparing myself to go back to look for some 3X shirts. Thankfully, I was able to figure out this had to be turned over to Jesus, and the skid has stopped!
But even better than that, today, I put on a 2X shirt that was on its way to becoming too small. You know what I mean. You put it on, and it is snug, but wearing it for a few minutes gets it stretched just enough that it will be ok. Today, the initial snug in this shirt was not there!! It isn't hanging off me or anything, but there was some air space baby!!
Isaiah 40:31- for those who place their trust in the Lord will have their strength renewed; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint.
But even better than that, today, I put on a 2X shirt that was on its way to becoming too small. You know what I mean. You put it on, and it is snug, but wearing it for a few minutes gets it stretched just enough that it will be ok. Today, the initial snug in this shirt was not there!! It isn't hanging off me or anything, but there was some air space baby!!
Isaiah 40:31- for those who place their trust in the Lord will have their strength renewed; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint.
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