Recently, I have been approached by a few people about me starting to blog again. I have done the spit and sputter, stop and start thing lately when it comes to blogging and dieting. I often wonder why it is that I am doing that. I mean I have an idea of what needs to be done. I chronicled what turned out to be a wildly successful run down the scale to Onederland. It isn't like I should have to figure it all out again right? The mold is set, I just have to pour the plaster, right?
Yeah it seems like that would be the common sense approach. But if I am being honest, I have to call shenanigans on myself. This may be a reference that is missed to those who have never watched Southpark. The short hand on it is that in one episode, the boys were at a fair and someone tried to rip them off. So they called shenanigans and the cops came running. Well, I feel like I am a fraud who ripped people off. A lot of people bought into my blog, got caught up in my hype. A lot of people rah rah'd for me, congratulated me when I got to 196 pounds. I hear even more folks never said anything in real life but they read my blog and it was a high point of their day and made them want to follow in my steps.
Knowing this, I just feel like I let a lot of people down by back sliding, by being nearly back to square 1. And add to that the stops and starts I have been having with blogging and I just can't work up the heart to possibly let folks down again. As i sat typing this, I am starting to think that is likely the reason I am doing poorly generally. I am a fraud to myself. I swore to be damned that I would never tip the scales above 200 pounds again, and here I am in 2X shirts again. If I am a fraud to myself, how can I possibly sell myself on another run at Onederland?
It's not about selling yourself to anyone. You are not responsible for making reader's happy. Who you are and your self worth and importance will NEVER be in a size or a number on the scale. You are not a fraud - you are human.
ReplyDeleteDivad nailed it beautifully. You're human. I've never thought of you as anything remotely close to a "fraud." If that's how you feel about yourself, I beg you to reconsider this self-judgement. You're an incredibly intelligent human, Shane. The power and essence of your journey isn't about arriving at any particular number, is it? It's the ride. It's the ups and downs--it's the get back up and fight spirit. I completely understand and respect your right to blog or not to blog, but if you decide on the latter, please don't let it be because your perception and negative self-talk has you believing something that isn't true. You haven't let anyone down. You're not a fraud. You're a fantastic human. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings--that wouldn't be right--I'm just saying, with a little more compassion and love for yourself, I believe your perspective would be shifted into a wonderful gear.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! You are one of my favorite bloggers. Reading your blog inspired me to finish my Bachelors at 35.
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