I have to tell you, I hate that I decided to take up the gauntlet once again during the winter. If I was writing this post on Friday afternoon, it would probably have been a different tone. I have been clicking along pretty good for the most part, but starting Friday night, I just kinda got a low tire and was not quite as good for the weekend. And it may be excuse making, I don't know, but I attribute it to the fact that our weather is being crappy. Now that I am starting to get more energy, I hate it when I can't get out and do stuff on the weekend. I get all angst-y and that is a recipe for disaster. Like I said before, there isn't any crappy food in our house nowadays, but there was a perfect storm that blew in on Saturday night. My daughter is a Girl Scout, and she went and picked up her cookies that day and brought them in the house. We of course did the usual buying a few from her, but this year we decided to buy them for the purpose of donating them to the local food bank. Well by Saturday night, my angst was at its peak, I was tired of being shut in, and I broke into the Samoas we bought in our name. Of course the logic path you expected happened. I bought them, I should get to eat SOME right? So I had 3, logged them. Went on about my business. Fast forward to yesterday after church, the box is gone......
The one redeeming quality I have had thus far is that I track everything! I am completely honest on the notepad. But this particular instance, I ignored most of those cookies I ate. This is a slippery slope I find myself on. I chose to write about it so I can fight about it (with myself of course). I woke up today with a newly renewed vigor, and without ANY GUILT!! Before I probably would have ruminated about that for days, but it seems I have given myself some wiggle room, and a pass on days past. I can only control what I do from now on, that is the past.
On a good news note, I am signed up for a 5K. It is not this Saturday but next. I KNOW I can run two miles, but 3 miles may be a stretch. I have two weeks to see if I can get there! Here we go!
Monday, February 23, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Why Can't I Believe?
I had the craziest week. I had some kind of meeting 3 days this week and on one day I had 3 meetings. All of these meetings were out of office meetings, and all but one offered free food. I set out hoping to just avoid eating at all of them, but realized that is an unrealistic expectation for me. I changed the idea to be reasonable in my eating, be ok with one serving and leaving some on the plate if they portions are prepared for me. I am not going to lie, on each of those days I thought I had tanked my calorie bank before I made it home to actually log my caloric intake for the day. I am not going to lie that each one of those days, I was shocked to find I had done a great job staying in the bank!
This made me think about a couple of things. First, why did I presume failure when I was off my routine? I was using my good judgment, getting small portions, getting the healthiest options. But with no time to actually get calorie counts on the fly, I drove home presuming if I wanted to stay within the calorie goal, I would have to ask Kathy for smaaaaallll portions for supper. On all three days I was just fine when I got home. In fact, I was in the area of calories taken in for the day that I normally was in by the time I get home. You would think day 1, it is reasonable to believe that I was over, day 2 a little less believable, and by day 3, I would KNOW that I had done a good job making decision outside of my routine. Why can't I believe in me?
The other thing I was thinking about is why do I not have the ability to believe that my healthier choices are less caloric than my old choices? I may go over 2000 calories once or twice a week nowadays and never by more than 100 or so calories. But without fail, and even with the numbers written down in black and white, I believe I ate more calories than I really did. Another thing I believe is that despite the quality of food being better and less caloric, if I didn't end the day starving a little, I got fatter over night. I kid you not, I wake up each day and do this one weird thing. I get both my pillows out from under my head, lay flat on the bed, and check to see if after I place my hand on my sternum and run it down my belly, there is a drop off after the sternum. I started off with a rise after my sternum, and I now have a noticeable drop off after my sternum. But I check it every day presuming that the drop off will be gone and the uphill will be back.
I tell you what, the more I think, the more I worry about how broken I am.......
This made me think about a couple of things. First, why did I presume failure when I was off my routine? I was using my good judgment, getting small portions, getting the healthiest options. But with no time to actually get calorie counts on the fly, I drove home presuming if I wanted to stay within the calorie goal, I would have to ask Kathy for smaaaaallll portions for supper. On all three days I was just fine when I got home. In fact, I was in the area of calories taken in for the day that I normally was in by the time I get home. You would think day 1, it is reasonable to believe that I was over, day 2 a little less believable, and by day 3, I would KNOW that I had done a good job making decision outside of my routine. Why can't I believe in me?
The other thing I was thinking about is why do I not have the ability to believe that my healthier choices are less caloric than my old choices? I may go over 2000 calories once or twice a week nowadays and never by more than 100 or so calories. But without fail, and even with the numbers written down in black and white, I believe I ate more calories than I really did. Another thing I believe is that despite the quality of food being better and less caloric, if I didn't end the day starving a little, I got fatter over night. I kid you not, I wake up each day and do this one weird thing. I get both my pillows out from under my head, lay flat on the bed, and check to see if after I place my hand on my sternum and run it down my belly, there is a drop off after the sternum. I started off with a rise after my sternum, and I now have a noticeable drop off after my sternum. But I check it every day presuming that the drop off will be gone and the uphill will be back.
I tell you what, the more I think, the more I worry about how broken I am.......
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Pulling In The Reins On Second Guessing
I hesitate to write this post because I fear is sounds more like bragging than dealing with an issue. But trust me, if you knew me personally, I am the last person that would be a braggart.
The issue I am facing is a tough one because it doesn't involve me struggling, it actually involves me succeeding. I have been clipping along pretty good the last couple of weeks. As I have talked about before, I am mostly counting on non-scale indicators as to where I am in this trip. I have these 3 shirts that I bought for wearing at the office and to court a while back. I bought them knowing they were a tad small and that I planned on working into them. I have been trying them on periodically, the last time being last Friday. Man they were really close, but not quite where I want them to be before I wear them out in public. Well that alone would probably be ok, but then I started noticing that even on the newly acquired 3rd notch of my belt, I am getting some breathing room, and I have some shirts and pants that are starting to drape on me a little. Add to that that my last weigh in had me down 3 pounds, and this all seems like a "good job, you are doing what you set out to do" situation, right? One would think, but for me, it is a possible trap situation. I am literally chomping at the bit to cut my calorie count and add an evening workout, even if it is just walking. Why? I want to speed up the weight loss because I am seeing results with what I am doing. Doing more is better right?
As I type this, I am sitting at 900 calories net for the day (probably really more than that, I overestimate calories a lot and under value the exercise deduction) and I am thinking about just letting it be. That seems like it would be ok, but if I get to thinking hey last night I got by on 900, then I will start shooting for that number all the time in an effort to speed it up. How frikkin' broken can I possibly be? I know what pitfall awaits me if I do the 100 pounds in 10 months, but here I am second guessing my new basics of lose slow, learn new habits, don't go bat crap crazy.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I really appreciate the opportunity to have a forum to get the stuff out of my head and onto paper. Now I can deal with it better.
The issue I am facing is a tough one because it doesn't involve me struggling, it actually involves me succeeding. I have been clipping along pretty good the last couple of weeks. As I have talked about before, I am mostly counting on non-scale indicators as to where I am in this trip. I have these 3 shirts that I bought for wearing at the office and to court a while back. I bought them knowing they were a tad small and that I planned on working into them. I have been trying them on periodically, the last time being last Friday. Man they were really close, but not quite where I want them to be before I wear them out in public. Well that alone would probably be ok, but then I started noticing that even on the newly acquired 3rd notch of my belt, I am getting some breathing room, and I have some shirts and pants that are starting to drape on me a little. Add to that that my last weigh in had me down 3 pounds, and this all seems like a "good job, you are doing what you set out to do" situation, right? One would think, but for me, it is a possible trap situation. I am literally chomping at the bit to cut my calorie count and add an evening workout, even if it is just walking. Why? I want to speed up the weight loss because I am seeing results with what I am doing. Doing more is better right?
As I type this, I am sitting at 900 calories net for the day (probably really more than that, I overestimate calories a lot and under value the exercise deduction) and I am thinking about just letting it be. That seems like it would be ok, but if I get to thinking hey last night I got by on 900, then I will start shooting for that number all the time in an effort to speed it up. How frikkin' broken can I possibly be? I know what pitfall awaits me if I do the 100 pounds in 10 months, but here I am second guessing my new basics of lose slow, learn new habits, don't go bat crap crazy.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I really appreciate the opportunity to have a forum to get the stuff out of my head and onto paper. Now I can deal with it better.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Guest Blogger- Meet My Motivator
Hi, I'm Shane's wife. The one that has changed the food choices around the house. Not everyone is happy about it all the time but, that's life.
My journey has changed since I have started and stopped dieting for as long as I can remember. This time I started with all hopes of having surgery. Lets just leave it at that did not pan out. I have known my whole life I have a weight problem. A depression problem comes with that. I would get defeated when the scale wouldn't move. I would bring others down with me. I would say isn't this so yummy. It's only one time. Those are all lies.
Now Shane tells everyone about my No Excuses mantra, and I mean it! But, What comes from that is so much more. As, I'm working hard at it saying "God thank you for all these new tools I have learned about how I can do this" Then I hear the lie you can't do this. You can't keep this up all the time. But, I am still pushing forward. No excuses!
The lady that owns our gym said you are starting my class this Friday. I said "ummm not sure." Don't sign this girl up for something called Combat Cardio. Well, we started; me, my daughter, and my bestie. We now get up at 4:35 and at the gym by 5. I like to be a little early. (not a morning person) So, we have started and it took the whole weekend for me to want to move my body again. It's Monday and we have to do this again! By the end of that week I thought if my body is going to be this sore I better start eating better or this just ain't worth it.
Back to not having the surgery. I had to see a nutritionist to get approved for surgery. So, I know what I should be eating and how much water I need to be drinking. About week two I am praying; I need more to help me with this. I just need something. Well, something shows up in form of a book called Made to Crave. This was handed to me from my smiling, ready to encourage you workout leader. So, I thought I can dedicate myself to 15 minutes of reading a day. I did that. This book has shown me so much truth in my life. It's not a diet book. Or a self help book. It did help me admit my sin. I have found so much freedom in that. I gave it to God. He gave me this body and this life. I'm going to live it! God gets me out of bed in the morning, some days I say we get out of bed (God and me). I thank him as I workout when I don't want to move anymore. Now when we bless our food for the nourishment of our bodies I truly mean it. I want nourishment. My journey like I said earlier has changed. It's a faith journey. Thanks for reading my guest blog on Shane's blog form.
His wife Kathy
My journey has changed since I have started and stopped dieting for as long as I can remember. This time I started with all hopes of having surgery. Lets just leave it at that did not pan out. I have known my whole life I have a weight problem. A depression problem comes with that. I would get defeated when the scale wouldn't move. I would bring others down with me. I would say isn't this so yummy. It's only one time. Those are all lies.
Now Shane tells everyone about my No Excuses mantra, and I mean it! But, What comes from that is so much more. As, I'm working hard at it saying "God thank you for all these new tools I have learned about how I can do this" Then I hear the lie you can't do this. You can't keep this up all the time. But, I am still pushing forward. No excuses!
The lady that owns our gym said you are starting my class this Friday. I said "ummm not sure." Don't sign this girl up for something called Combat Cardio. Well, we started; me, my daughter, and my bestie. We now get up at 4:35 and at the gym by 5. I like to be a little early. (not a morning person) So, we have started and it took the whole weekend for me to want to move my body again. It's Monday and we have to do this again! By the end of that week I thought if my body is going to be this sore I better start eating better or this just ain't worth it.
Back to not having the surgery. I had to see a nutritionist to get approved for surgery. So, I know what I should be eating and how much water I need to be drinking. About week two I am praying; I need more to help me with this. I just need something. Well, something shows up in form of a book called Made to Crave. This was handed to me from my smiling, ready to encourage you workout leader. So, I thought I can dedicate myself to 15 minutes of reading a day. I did that. This book has shown me so much truth in my life. It's not a diet book. Or a self help book. It did help me admit my sin. I have found so much freedom in that. I gave it to God. He gave me this body and this life. I'm going to live it! God gets me out of bed in the morning, some days I say we get out of bed (God and me). I thank him as I workout when I don't want to move anymore. Now when we bless our food for the nourishment of our bodies I truly mean it. I want nourishment. My journey like I said earlier has changed. It's a faith journey. Thanks for reading my guest blog on Shane's blog form.
His wife Kathy
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Type A Personality Trying To Do A Type B Personality Life Style Change Plan
I am who I am. I see a problem and when I get revved up about it, I want to kill it right now! I want results and I want them 30 seconds ago. I would say that I am probably the quintessential Type A personality in most aspects of life. The problem is, I was able to identify that I believe that the last and all other weight loss successes likely were unsuccessful because I attacked them, conquered them, then made no actual changes that stuck. My thought for this go around: Lose it slow doing things that will be sustainable and will be my norm when I am in maintenance mode.
Wow does that sound like a genius plan? Yup. But it is also a Type B personality plan. Take it slow and steady and be consistent in small changes. Yeah that is a problem for me. Yesterday I had the opportunity to go visit the State Capital with a group I am affilliated with here in the County. We toured lots of places and lots of pictures were taken by many of my colleagues. Inevitably, I was in a few of them. I was on Facebook and saw that I was tagged a lot, so I went and looked at the pictures. I almost immediately had the thought go through my head "how is it that 2 months into doing this, I am still looking that bad?!?!" I had the minor freak out, then centered myself back to an important realization. My whole stated goal is to not lose weight fast, but to lose it slow and in a manner that I can maintain at the time I go into maintenance phase. I am needing to adopt a Type B personality for that plan. Man it is going to be hard! Especially knowing I have the ability to go all Type A and be where I want in less than a year.
Here's to making a major change while trying to make a major change!
Wow does that sound like a genius plan? Yup. But it is also a Type B personality plan. Take it slow and steady and be consistent in small changes. Yeah that is a problem for me. Yesterday I had the opportunity to go visit the State Capital with a group I am affilliated with here in the County. We toured lots of places and lots of pictures were taken by many of my colleagues. Inevitably, I was in a few of them. I was on Facebook and saw that I was tagged a lot, so I went and looked at the pictures. I almost immediately had the thought go through my head "how is it that 2 months into doing this, I am still looking that bad?!?!" I had the minor freak out, then centered myself back to an important realization. My whole stated goal is to not lose weight fast, but to lose it slow and in a manner that I can maintain at the time I go into maintenance phase. I am needing to adopt a Type B personality for that plan. Man it is going to be hard! Especially knowing I have the ability to go all Type A and be where I want in less than a year.
Here's to making a major change while trying to make a major change!
Monday, February 2, 2015
Name It and Claim It
I have to get this out and on paper so that I don't let it get power over me. I name the fear, I can fight it. I make the battle plan, I stick to it. I have a crazy stupid week this week. I have been on a pretty good roll lately with a routine that allows my workouts to be at the same time on set days, but this week, we find out if I can overcome when the routine is going to be shot. Add to the equation I took a day from being super strict on food intake both Friday and Sunday nights, and I have the potential to lose all I have worked for if I am not vigilant.
So here is my plan. I think I can still squeeze in a workout today, although much later in the day than usual. It is going to be a workout that involves running in the treadmill and today I up the speed to 5.2 mph. I will do a good back workout too.
Tomorrow, I have zero chance of a workout. I am traveling at 5:30 a.m. and won't be back until 7:30 p.m. or so.
Wednesday, I should be good to go on routine and that will be leg day.
Thursday is my usual day off, so I will have to break that up and make Thursday a workout day this week. Chest and Arc Trainer that day.
And Friday, I am going to do either run again or a bike workout, and then a shoulder workout.
I am done "coasting with good instincts" on eating. This week we are back to eat it up, I write it down. No more coasting days until February 20th.
So here is my plan. I think I can still squeeze in a workout today, although much later in the day than usual. It is going to be a workout that involves running in the treadmill and today I up the speed to 5.2 mph. I will do a good back workout too.
Tomorrow, I have zero chance of a workout. I am traveling at 5:30 a.m. and won't be back until 7:30 p.m. or so.
Wednesday, I should be good to go on routine and that will be leg day.
Thursday is my usual day off, so I will have to break that up and make Thursday a workout day this week. Chest and Arc Trainer that day.
And Friday, I am going to do either run again or a bike workout, and then a shoulder workout.
I am done "coasting with good instincts" on eating. This week we are back to eat it up, I write it down. No more coasting days until February 20th.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Yeah, I'll Be The One To Say It......
I bet money I am not the only one to deal with this, I am just the only one who is crazy enough to talk about it. The Ol' Number Two and how the lifestyle change can cause the roller coaster ride with regards to the regularity. Why am I talking about it? Yesterday morning, I got up for weigh day and I was not greeted with a loss. In fact, I got to see a gain. Not that it mattered to me since I had about 5 other indicators of success. But I of course thought about it for a few minutes. It occurred to me, I hadn't taken a decent deuce in about a week. Which is weird based on how many grains and veggies I eat now. Plus I take Metformin, which is supposed to be the devil when it comes to making you poop a lot. So anyway, I packed it away and decided to let it go until next week's weigh in.
Fade to Sunday morning..... Let's just say that had this morning's activities taken place about 24 hours ago, I have to believe I would be down 2 pounds rather than up 3. And quite frankly, that is not the first time I have been struck by the day after weigh day curse of the deuce! I think God definitely has a sense of humor about Him! haha.
Ok, I am out. I am going to the store to buy some All Bran cereal.... haha.
Fade to Sunday morning..... Let's just say that had this morning's activities taken place about 24 hours ago, I have to believe I would be down 2 pounds rather than up 3. And quite frankly, that is not the first time I have been struck by the day after weigh day curse of the deuce! I think God definitely has a sense of humor about Him! haha.
Ok, I am out. I am going to the store to buy some All Bran cereal.... haha.
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