That Monkey That Won't Hop Off My Back

Despite all rah rah and actual good I am doing on this journey lately, I still have the evening snacking monkey on my back. Reality is that I snack more healthily than in days past, but the amount of times I snack at night need to stop! So that I can keep putting a face on my enemy, I am talking about it once again. I had a sentence typed out that said I was thinking about starting this battle tonight, Friday night and 3 day weekend be danged!!! I am following my own advice and saying I AM STARTING THIS BATTLE TONIGHT, FRIDAY NIGHT AND 3 DAY WEEKEND BE DANGED! I have no reason to be eating anything but one evening snack, and even if they are more healthy. Too many carrots and hummus lose their health benefits, too many apples keep my blood sugar up. Pick on snack and let it go Shane!!

My Bad

Ever have that day when you are just feeling like busting out? One of the things I decided a couple of weeks ago was to just walk for now, so I could consistently work out day to day with no soreness or knee pain. So I have actually spread cardio out between the stationary bike, this machine that is not an elliptical but kinda looks like it, and then walking on the treadmill. It started yesterday. I was on the treadmill and it was all I could do to not break out in a run. I made myself be good, and just did a nice brisk walk. But today, I just couldn't keep the leash on. So I broke out in a nice jog. It was only at 4.5 mph and I only jogged a combined 18 1/2 minutes of the 30 minutes, but man! But the best part was I thought I had hit the wall at about 6 minutes left so I was just going to walk it out. I happened to be looking at the how many miles mark at about 1 1/2 minutes mark and saw that I was at like 1.86 miles I think. I decided I was a wuss if I didn't shoot for 2 miles. I turned it up to 5 mph real quick to try to make up that mileage. I honestly don't recall how long it has been since I felt so free. I was running with good form and it felt so good to just BUST OUT!!

The one thing I have always held onto despite my weight gain is my desire to run distances. There is just no feeling like it when you get a good run in! I am going to go back to being good and walking biking or whatever that machine is for now. But I would be shocked if another bust out day shows up in the near future.......

Perspectives

Sorry for the two posts in one day.

So today I was at the gym getting my sweat on, and I saw me in the mirror. Typically this is a bad experience for my psyche. I generally think "man, how did I fall from the pinnacle to this?" Today, it was different. I don't know why, but I just felt different. So when I got back from the gym, I found the two pictures you see above on Facebook. In one, I am in the best shape I have ever been in my whole adult life (presuming we don't count teenage/early 20s) and in the other, I am the guy who backslid from not being the fattest guy in the room usually.

But that is not what I see anymore. As of today, I see where I am, and where I am headed. I am not ashamed of where I am. It just means I get to get better! for the first time in a long time, it doesn't pain me to look at a 2011 picture of me. In fact, it encourages me. To the rest of us who have backslid, it ain't nothing. It just gives you an opportunity to be successful twice in weight loss and then prove you can be successful again in maintenance!

Badges of Honor

Yesterday's workout is settling in this morning. That half hour on the bike pedaling like mad? Got my thighs and abs and obliques hurtin'!! That chest workout with a new lift added at the end? Got my chest screamin'! Those to me are badges of honor. Do I actually like being sore? I don't know, I think I kinda do. In my line of work, I am chasing evidence down to make sure a case is solid (I actually don't go do it, I have the police do it. But you get the picture.) I want to be able to tell a jury, see, look at this fact, and this piece of evidence. How can you not see that he did this crime??

Every day that I wake up sore, stiff, and taking a bit longer to wake up, that is evidence. It is evidence that I chose change. I got off my couch/recliner/office chair and went and created a calorie deficit, and pushed my muscles to a point that they began to burn sugar for energy rather than using oxygen. It means that today or within the next few days, I will have bigger muscles that burn more fat even if I am just sitting still. It means that next week, based on my continuing to workout consistently, I will be in even better shape than I am today. Soreness is a sign of forward progress. While your attitude may initially be that it hurts and hurt sucks, if you are more forward thinking, it is a badge of honor. It is your proof that change is coming if you keep up.

Seriously?

I went to the gym for lunch today. It was a small miracle that I did really. One of my usual cohorts is out taking his son to college today and the other just decided it was a half day kind of day. So I debated about the idea of just not going. Then I tabled that debate, got my damn gym clothes on, and went! But the bigger story here isn't about my going. It is about my leaving.

I don't mess around when I decide to work out. It just isn't in me to chit chat and spend a few minutes between sets or even between lifts. I go in, do my cardio, walk straight to the weight room, and begin lifting. I doubt there is ever a straight 30 seconds of me not lifting unless it takes me longer to load a bar up with weight. So anyway, the point to this is. I did my workout that has been leaving me dying as I walk out the door. I was not dying as I walked out the door! I was tired, but I didn't take the usual 5 minutes to make sure I wasn't going to pass out while driving!!! I honestly feel like the biggest stud in the world! Seriously folks. Commit to 7 days. Heck commit to 4 days if 7 scares you. I promise you that once you get to that point that you just go do it instead of thinking you should go do it, it is a game changer! I seriously don't remember walking with this much swagger in quite a while. My head is up, my eyes are looking ahead, and I am marching into a a new success story that has a happy ending!

It Feels Good!

Man. I have to admit it feels good to look back on the past week or so and see that I put together something to be proud of for the first time in a long time. Maybe Friday night wasn't optimal. But big picture wise, a successful week. I have started tracking again, which phelps me be more mindful of what goes in my mouth. I have been consistent in activity, which makes the next day not so hard on me motivation wise. I even got a glimpse of the thing I miss the most from healthier Shane days. I got antsy to the the point I had to go outside to find something to do!!!

I wish there was a way to figure out what it is that sparks the fire and desire to do rather than having to talk yourself into doing it. If I could bottle that up, I'd be rich!!!!

7 Days

I just put together 7 straight days of good nutrition and consistent activity. In those 7 short days, the change in my energy level and attitude about getting back on track have taken a 180 degree turn! So that is my challenge to all who are having a little trouble getting going. Commit to 7 days of eating well, and no matter how sore you are after days 1,2 and 3, just go do something lightly strenuous for 30 minutes. I am loving the new found actual motivation rather than trying to talk myself into being motivated!!!

What One Victory Can Do

Wars are never one event. They are a chain of battles. Before you can ever win a war, you have to win battles. But while battles are the smaller part of war, they can play such a big role. Momentum is gained or lost in each battle. And even lost battles can serve as a learning experience. But the battles are what wins the war. What can one small victory in a seemingly small battle do? Oh so much. Success breeds more success. Attitudes begin to shift, willpower becomes stronger, and resolve is strengthened.

Yesterday at the gym, I had one whale of a workout! I did 15 minutes on a walking program on the treadmill, 13 minutes of jogging, and a 2 minute cool down. I headed directly from the cardio workout to the newly added strength workout. I did a back workout yesterday. But now rather than shooting for heavier weights, I do lighter weights, more reps, and shorter rest periods between sets. Yesterday was the first time I recognized that I am getting stronger and have more endurance! I didn't leave the gym, completely wiped out! I was still half wiped out, but that is a 50% improvement!! So I spent the day yesterday feeling pretty good about myself (which is a great feeling!) Then this morning, I was getting dressed for work and put on a pair of jeans I haven't worn in awhile. Last time I put them on, they buttoned but it took a little effort to do it. Today, not even a little resistance!!

I say all that to say this. Today, our office is going to an event called Taste of Crawford County. As you can imagine by the name, it is a collection of food vendors that come together and give samples of their cuisine. I'll be perfectly honest and tell you that I had no intention of engaging in any kind of smart plan for this event. I was going to just go with the flow. But that one small victory this morning has led me to decide to be smart about my intake. I am not going to be able to come up with accurate calorie counts but I think just being conscious of wanting to restrict myself, and then actually restricting myself, will be a big step on such short notice. I think my plan will be to walk around and see what all is offered, and then limit myself to selecting the top three samples I am interested in. Wish me luck!!

Stop Choosing The Excuse, Start Choosing the Solution

I have kinda slow played the fact that I have been kinda working out at lunch. I say kinda because I haven't really been consistent with it. It has been a hit and miss thing since I have gotten hired here. I mostly go because my colleagues go and it is one more way to hang out with the guys. But when I don't go, you can bet it is because I tell myself I am too busy, and I would rather not workout with a hard deadline to be done by. I choose the excuse. But that is my newest excuse made up after I actually started to go kind of consistently for a bit. Before that was the excuse, I am a morning person, I like to work out in the morning. However, since Kathy took that spot from me by starting to meet her friend at the gym at 5 a.m., now I am screwed. I can never workout at lunch, and I am not likely to workout at night! Oh the excuses, I got'em!!

But here is the thing. Excuses got me where I am now. Choosing the solutions got me where I wanted to be before. So what if I have a hard deadline? Getting in a quick 30 minutes of cardio or weight training is BETTER THAN an hour sitting behind my desk looking at Facebook, and probably snacking the whole time. So what if I am a morning person. Obviously working out in the morning is not an option now. But working out at lunch is. And I have friends to go with. People that I could ask to make me accountable. I think far too often we know the solutions are sound, we just don't like them for some inane reason or another. Besides, it is easier to not do than it is to do. But again, that is how I got to where I am, and clearly don't want to be. When I look back, I am not sure how I could have kept up my running regimen the same as I was doing before law school, but I think if I had been purposeful in my decision making, I would have found a way. I just chose the excuse.

I am quitting again. I am quitting choosing the excuse. I want solutions, and from now on, I will seek them out with an open mind and determination to put them into action. I may not be able to always go to workout during lunch, based on the uncertainty of my dockets, but more often than not I can, and I will go when the docket permits.

I also use the excuse that if I can't run around my block, then I am not going to walk it. That is my pride getting in the way there. It has really been a sore spot with me that I cannot run like I used to. And one of my problems is that I can run some, still have the lungs and hard headedness to ignore my muscles during the run, but my muscles and joints hurt pretty bad the next few days, to the point that I actually cannot run then. So basically I can get one good run in a week. But from now on, I walk away from my pride hang up. I need to walk before I can run. Literally. I also have historically ignored the recumbent stationary bikes at the gym. I have used one a few times over the past couple of months. I have to admit it is a different workout than running and gets different muscles sore. I plan to not make the excuse that the bikes are just not as cool as me running on a treadmill. I will utilize the bikes as a recovery from my treadmill wokouts. I can handle the muscles pain on a bike, and my joints don't take the pounding.

Like the song in Frozen says, you got to let it go!! Choose the solutions, ignore the excuses.

I Am The Tortoise

This week has been a good jump start for me. I picked one thing (my activity level) and decided to work on it. I chose to make the prison break, and that has been successful too. I feel the momentum starting to pick up! My most recent yay moment came last night. I had been on the move all day, and in the recent past, that would have equaled me taking the first opportunity to hit recliner and plant it for the night. And that most often would have meant a short walk from the dinner table to the recliner. But I kept looking at my back yard during dinner,and thinking "man, if I mow it today, I will have gotten to it before it gets grown up for the first time this whole summer." So I got up from the supper table, gassed up Old Yeller, and I mowed last night. I got done about 7, and historically, I would have chalked that up to a day, and then rationalized that I deserved to go sit on my butt the rest of the night. Not last night. I had a few errands I meant to get to yesterday that I didn't. I had left my ipad at the office, and we needed a new rake and broom. Rather than say "I will get to that tomorrow, I loaded my wife up and we ran errands at 7:30 at night! If you know us, that is unheard of! By the time we got back it was about 8:15, and I did plant in the recliner, but it was at least 2 hours later than the usual!

Being who I am, the do it fast and do it perfect guy, I cannot minimize the hugeness of last night. I set some small goals, not big ones, and I decided that I will take this thing a little at a time. I will not chastize myself for not being back to my pinnacle in less than a month. I will be the tortoise, slow and steady. Just like the parable, I will win the race by being slow and steady and consistent with my goals.

My thinking for the time being is to stick with my goal of activity for the entire month of August. Come September, I am going to become more strict regarding my diet. I figure that gives me a month to devise some sort of plan that is doable for me. But for now, I will bask in the glory of feeling like I am achieving again!!

Enjoying The Pool Again!

One of my neighbors when I was a pre-teen and young teen had an in ground pool. Both of our parents worked, but trusted us to use the pool while they were away. Also, we were expected to do the upkeep on it since we used it all the time. One of the things you have to do obviously is add the chemicals. We were ok at it, but keep in mind, we were kids. Sometimes, we got stuff wrong. Our most common mistake was getting too much chlorine. We all know an over chlorinated pool leads to some burning eyes if you swim in it. So naturally, we had to close our eyes underwater on those days. The solution to keep on swimming, at least in our juvenile minds, was to wash your yourself off with the water house, then get back in! It never occurred to us to keep our heads above water on those days. Of course we readjusted the chemicals the next time around and then the pool was much more fun! Luckily, we got it right or at least tolerable most of the time.

My current physical state reminds me of the over chlorinated pool of my youth. It has made me have to close my eyes to keep from being in pain. To have been where I was, at the pinnacle of my physical fitness and body image, and to have let it go really has burned me deep inside. To go buy an XL shirt or two, then a XXL shirt or 20 has hit me where it hurts. So I closed my eyes, I held my nose, and I kept swimming below the water. But these last few days of blogging consistently, and making plans to succeed have really been effective. To keep my issues up front in the conscious part of my brain rather than back there in the subsconscious has been a blessing. And I do that by actually giving physical form to my thoughts, and to my plans. I am a firm believer giving your plans for success a corporeal state is key to succeeding. Put it on paper, make it real before it dissipates and becomes non-existent. It works just the same for emotional hurts and hang ups. If you begin to deal with them on paper, then you begin give them a face. And when they get a face, they are no longer shadows, and now you can fight them!

I love my blog/diary. I have no idea why I ever stopped blogging to be honest. I remember how much joy it gave me along the way when I started it. I remember feeling empowered and in control of so many things I had let get the best of me before. I remember my self pep talks, I remember celebrating my victories with so many people that had my back! It was a tool that,if I had continued to use it properly, was saving my life and giving my family some security that I would be around for a good long while. We all know hindsight is 20/20. Did I mess up? Yes. Do I have a wealth of knowledge to use in building my next success story? Damn right!! Now to start picking up those bricks and stacking them back up!! I will now keep my head above the chlorinated water.