I Hate Him/Her and That Guy

We all know them. That friend that "can eat anything and never gain a pound!!" It has made us all mad at some point in time. I think the problem is, we only pay attention to what it is they are eating, and not the lifestyle they are living. When ever I was eating whatever I wanted, I was following that up with several hours of inactivity, more eating whatever I wanted, and you guessed it, more inactivity. What we aren't seeing the person we hate doing is not doing that! Up in the morning, jog for him/her. Home from work, get out in the yard and putter around. Opportunity for some cake, I will have a little, but that is it. I say that because I was that guy this week. I did not have a stellar eating week. It was not bad mind you, but it was not "Shaniac" style eating from earlier this year. And guess what? I have worked out every day but one this week, and I have not eaten after supper every day but two this week, and I lost 1.3 pounds!! See, that is the missing part of the equation we have all not seen in "them" before. Even moderate activity and moderate moderation ( funny sounding huh?) can get you where you want to go, even if it isn't at lightening speed.

Then I was "that guy" again at the park trail this morning. I shouldn't enjoy it as much as I do, but having been the other side, I can't help but smile a little. I was jogging at my favorite park this morning. I kept passing the same people on the 3/4 mile trail, and a fair portion of them were giving me the "look". It was hot and I was sweaty, but I just kept jogging and getting that "look". Haha, it was great! I highly recommend it folks. I really do!

I Had To Be There To Get To Here And Appreciate It

One thing I have come to realize here lately is that different areas of my life have all come together and intertwined rather than staying in their separate compartments. I can honestly say when I step back and survey my present and future and contrast it against my past, I can honestly say I am blessed to excess!! In my past, I was never in any good relationships with women, now I have the perfect wife! In the past I was working in a factory and making eeehhh money and killing myself slowly physically. Now I am a man with a bachelor's degree and headed off to law school, and I think in my heart I have a promising career in law ahead of me. I was well overweight (still not where I should be) but now I am a much thinner and more importantly healthier man. I had a job I hated, regardless of how good I was at it, but now, I have the best boss and a much better outlook on work. I mean looking at all this, how can I not say "Wow, I am loving my life!!" But here is the thing. Cheryl, my boss, made a comment on my Facebook post about her that she has been touched everyday by my "attitude of gratitude". And it dawned on me, I think I do have an attitude of gratitude. But I am not sure that if all the things I have now had not come by hard work and faith that God would bring me these things, I would have appreciated it nearly as much. I think that the journey, as hard as it may be, always makes the destination that much sweeter. It is hard to say that being obese, poor and lonely were blessings, but in reality, I think they were (although I am still technically financially poor). Because if everything had come easy to me, I would have never had the notion that all these new found blessings were such HUGE blessings, I would have just felt entitled. So,yeah, it isn't always about what is waiting on the other side, sometimes, it really is the climb that makes the man or woman.

Freedom

I have often marveled at the fact that I love to run so much now. I have pretty much always attributed it to the endorphin high that comes with pushing yourself further than you think you can go. And I do not discount that theory now, but I think I know what really causes my joy during and after a good run. It is the new found freedom.

As an obese person, you are so limited. Your overweight body is essentially a really small jail cell. Yeah you are mobile, but only in the most basic sense. You dropped that thing you were holding, it is a chore to bend down and get it. You need to get to the other side of that tight squeeze through, you are in fear of getting stuck or breaking whatever it is you are trying to get around. You are in a situation that might require you to scoot away quickly? You KNOW that you can't do that and have to pray for the best. I use to always worry that what if my family's safety depended on my physical prowess? I knew for a fact that apart from God's blessings, I was not going to be handy in that department. That was seriously one of my motivating factors. So yesterday, I was actually walking for exercise, but it turns out oddly enough, the steep hills on my block are easier to run up than to walk up. So I was and this feeling of freedom hit me. I could feel my muscles doing their job and actually was aware of the existence of my abs and obliques and how effortlessly they were moving and twisting!! My legs were almost thanking me for the opportunity to move fast. I had to imagine it was how a person who just spent 20 years in jail feels when that gate closes behind them on release day and they get to take off to wherever they desire! I still to this day am in awe when I sit in a restaurant booth without my belly touching the table, or when I don't walk past that item on the floor, but pick it up immediately, or when I just get up out of my recliner rather than rocking back and forth to get the momentum, and yes, when I RUN. A year ago, these were all just pipe dreams but today, today they are my REALITY!

A Break In The Heat!!

God was kind enough to throw the River Valley a bone yesterday and last night when I got home, it was in the 80's!! Here lately, I have been coming home to 106 degrees every night, and it has kept me penned up inside till about 9 at night! So when I pulled in the drive way, I had these dreams of getting supper over and heading outside for some working! Remember when you were a kid and something big was coming up and the day finally got there? How you were just busting at the seams to get going at whatever it was? I was like that yesterday. Kathy still had supper in the oven at 5:30 when I got home, so I rushed and got changed into clothes for working outside. Well supper was ready by then, so we sat down to eat. We also got Lauren for the night, so we did our bible study too after we ate. I was all ready to get to gettin' outside when Kathy held me up yet again and said she was going to cut my hair while it was cooler too!! By this time I was all sorts of bent out of shape! I told her my hair was fine but she stood her ground and shockingly, she won that round too! So FINALLY I got to head out and do some work and it was great. I got all the brush from the back yard cleaned up and in a pile, I got the picnic table moved back to its spot and the saw horses too. I clean up the messes the dogs and the kids had made in the back yard. I also finally got around to partially detailing my little truck. I have had it back since February and hadn't cleaned it up once, so it was in dire need. I was feeling pretty good about myself by the time I came in and sat down for the night. So cool that rather than constantly putting things off "till later", I am bursting at the seams to get things done nowadays!!

A Big Week!

I have a big week this week! I am finally a law student for real! In law school, you don't pick your classes the first year, they pick them for you and auto enroll you in the classes. I finally got enrolled yesterday and I am super uber excited! But even better than that, I have an anniversary tomorrow! Kathy has officially put up with me for 4 wonderful, beautiful, crazy years come tomorrow! I love her and can't believe she would do that, so I am going to cherish her even more tomorrow. And lastly, on Sunday, July 17th, it has been exactly a year since I took up arms and began to fight the battle with my fat butt!! I am excited that a year in, I have lost at least 87 pounds. Realistically, I would like to be back at 196 for my anniversary, but since that won't happen, I am going to be realistic in that 87 pounds gone is a huge deal!! I don't have to hide from a camera anymore, I don't wince every time I see myself in a mirror with no shirt on, I don't scope out restaurant booths for the one with the most room between the table and the seat,I don't sit down in a chair at another persons house and wonder if I may break it, I don't avoid bending over like the plague, I don't eat mindlessly for days on end and sit behind this computer screen for hours on end. I do wake up early every morning and get some coffee in me and then do some sort of exercise, whether cardio or weight training, I do have a new filter with regard to how much food is too much, I do have MUUUUCH better eating habits, to the point even when I am snacking too much, the quality of snacks far exceeds the quality of my old snacks! I have so much to be thankful for. I attribute it all to the fact that I asked God to show me the way, to put the desire in my heart to lose weight and get healthy because my family deserves the best me they can get and needs me to live a loooong time to take care of them. He answered my prayer and showed me Sean's blog. I took up blogging and dieting in earnest and look at me now!! Thank you Lord for all that you have done and thank you blogging world for helping Him out all these months by encouraging and inspiring me!

Wild Isn't It?

One of the things I marvel at now is how much my filter on so many things has changed during this journey. I forgot to start my day off writing down my calories, so I sat down to recreate my eating for the day a few minutes ago. I honestly just felt like I had eaten more than I should have today. So I sit down and get to pounding the numbers out, and it turns out, I was a little under on my calories today!! And the beauty is, with my "No Deals" policy in place, 1590 calories is my count for the day!! Yeah, kinda a bad man ain't I? So after just looking at my menu for the day, I can recall when all of that together probably would have been one meal for me. Heck I probably had 1600 calories by mid morning before, and if I didn't then I would have had that much plus another thousand by after lunch! And here is the thing, I would have subconsciously known i had overeaten, but my filter would have told me it was ok, no sense in worrying about it. Now today, I thought was over and was actually under! what a dynamic change!!

Do ya'll have the same experiences with finding out how different you perceive things like your calorie intake for the day, or how hard it used to be to just talk yourself into getting up to go do something and how it is so hard to sit down when you know something needs done? Let me know what it is that you most find amazing after getting on that golden brick road.

No Deals Is A Hit!!

I think God has sent me that prayer! My "No Deals" strategy has been working out like gang busters! I do not eat at all after supper anymore, and it is very empowering. Now I have to figure out how to keep from trying to make deals with myself over exercising. I have lost my zeal, and I have to wonder if it has to do with all this heat! We had every day in June over 90 degrees here in Arkansas and the last week and half has been over 100, more specifically 105 for 5 days in a row now! My air conditioner is getting so tired. I went for a jog at 6 a.m. the other day and it was so hot my first half mile I was soaked!

I have been thinking more and more about the start of law school lately. It has pretty much taken control of my life. I find things to do to occupy me and my mind as often as possible, but the reality is, it is always there in the back ground. So much so that I feel like my work may be slipping, and I don't find that acceptable at all. I love my boss Cheryl and she deserves 100% of me, so I am vowing to get my head back in the game and finish strong for this last month! I know that this is not weight loss related per se, but my emotions tend to drive my eating patterns and this issue has been a concern of mine lately, so I had to try to get it "out there" and make it real so I am not running scared from it. That is what I love so much about blogging. It helps you deal with your demons with a group that gets it and is not judgmental. I think that I was unsuccessful in weight loss for so long because I was scared of my constant failure and what was really driving my behaviors, and if you are so scared of something you don't talk about it, it has the power over you. Once you acknowledge that you have an issue and put it out there to start being worked on, it loses its power over you, and then you can begin the real battle!

Veins O' Plenty

one of the coolest things about this journey so far has been the appearance of veins all over my forearms and calves. Seriously. LOTS OF THEM! I sometimes just sit and look at them for like 5 minutes.

One of the worst things about this whole journey, the loose skin everywhere, I mean seriously LOTS OF IT! But the most frustrating of all is my belly flap. It is shrinking pretty good now, but it seems like it is never gonna go away!

Oh Yes My Old Friend, I Remember Now!!

I had quit running for the last month, give or take a few days. I conquered this hill in town and that seemed like a end point for some reason. I just kinda let it slip away, moved on to concentrating on my core muscles and getting them developed. But one thing escaped me. For that month, I was one of the least contented people I have ever met. Not like I was crabby or ill tempered, I just was not happy in my life in general and was so anxious to get started in law school that I wasn't enjoying my summer at all. I know it is only one day, but I have to say that I was in so much of a better mood today that I have to wonder how I didn't put two and two together! I only got a mile and a half in today, but I already am really anxious to back out there tomorrow and do it all again! I am angling for a ipod touch that I have found on craigslist. I want to be able to listen to my tunes when I run and surf the web when I am out and about, and this is a good deal if the lady will e mail me back!

My eating is on day 3 of 1600 calories give or take. It is easier than I remember to be honest. I have become this huge fruit and veggie fanatic too, and that makes it easier on the calorie count. I also am on track on my no eating after supper quest. I had the urge tonight, but I have fought it off and am good now that I am blogging! I can't wait to see the weigh in on monday!

No Deals

When I worked at my old law firm, one of my duties was to make deals on civil lawsuits. Our clients that had gotten some credit cards, ran them up and then figured out that oh snap, that wasn't free money, they want paid, came to us when they got sued. So by the time I left, the one thing I was pretty good at was making deals for them. I learned what attorneys I could wait out, call the day before the court date and say hey, will you take x amount of dollars to get this thing off the docket for tomorrow? often times you got 1/2 or better off the amount they were suing for. or at the least, they would take small payments. Well, that kinda suits me and my personality. I am a deal maker. Especially with myself. I can talk myself into anything. So one of the things I am determined to do now that I am back on the wagon is to stop making deals with myself. I will freely admit my biggest issue is evening snacking, so I am now focused on making myself not eat after supper. That is the last meal, period. Well tonight is night two and I stopped myself from deal making. We have tomatoes here in the house from my mother in law's garden. I decided that it would be ok to cut one up and eat it. hell 40 calories ain't hurting me, I am at 1610 calories for the day. Buuuuut, God answered my prayers and said nope, not the plan Shane. I backed down and here I sit typing about my victory instead of my failure!! PTL baby!

So I was thinking about this. Habits are habits. that is a given. Here is a fun tidbit about me though. I now have two sets of habits. I have the old snacking habits, not watching my calories habits, just bad habits in general. However, I also have the calorie logging, eating right, show me the calorie deficit habits too. Here is the thing. Either set of habits is very natural to me. I can fall very easily into either. Granted the "break" I just took was not me going back into my old habits full on, but I could see that slippery slope coming! But, here is the thing, I had no problem at all getting right back into the good habits the last two days either! How cool is that?

And Scene!!

As I talked about before, I have kinda been on a break on the diet front. The energy I was expending on it just wore me out. I have put back on poundage, say around 14 of them!! I am not proud, I am not ashamed. I KNOW how to do dieting and exercising right, I am not 60 pounds down the road either and deciding to get back on track.

So as I did in the beginning of this journey, I am going to start with simple goals.

Goal 1: I will stop the unmonitored snacking. To be read, no mindless eating. I know my choices of snacks have changed drastically, but the habit is still a bad one.

Goal 2: Severely curb my eating in the evenings, as this is the real issue I have in keeping on track. I can not eat all day and not once have an issue with it, but come 6 or 7, then the urge kicks in.

Goal 3: Get back to 205 pounds. I don't forsee this being my biggest challenge by far, but it is out there now.

Goal 4: Get back out on the road, the pavement, the sidewalk, and get my running revved back up. In my mind, my mood has been affected lately by my lack of running. I am getting more and more impatient at work and waiting on the day I start law school. I get a caged bird feeling and it does not bode well for my work product when I get that way. I remember when I ran consistently, that i was always in a good mood, positive outlook, and ready for whatever came my way.

These things are on my mind now.

Thanks Ya'll, I had no idea.

So I have been going 90 to nothing for the last couple of weeks. I quite frankly have been just living life. Now truth be told, I have not really been "on point" with keeping up with my eating. I have not been "old Shane" either, but still yet. I really just haven't had the energy to put into blogging. I can't recall the last time I sat down before 8:30 at night and didn't have something going on. I have also become somewhat obsessed with working around the house and the yard and "getting things done" when I get off work and during the weekend. I have also been doing some major work on my core muscles here lately. Planks are my new fascination! They have opened the door to some possible yoga sessions for me, since I enjoy the planks so well. Aaaaand my friend Kevin has suddenly taken an interest in running again, and he has been posting his runs thru the Nike app on the iPhone. That has thrown me into competitive mode, and it looks like I am going to be hitting the streets again! I am crazy I do believe.

So I have to say thanks to those folks who have been asking me where I am for the past week. I had no idea me not being around the blogosphere would register at all to be honest! I have had 4 people tell me that they miss seeing my posts?! wow thanks ya'll. So here is a quick one. I want to share an NSV with ya'll. I no longer have a lily white chest, belly or back!! I am to the point that I am comfortable shirtless outside! I have been soaking up the sun baby and loving every minute of it!! I am only a tad bit cinnamon of a color as of the moment. but gees it is great!

So after getting started on this, I am resolving to get back to blogging and getting my mind back in the groove of weight loss. I am not at the weight I want to be at yet, and I need to get back to pushing again. I think I just needed a break for a minute. I worked hard for several months. I need to get back to it too!