And the Scale Is My Bitch!

I had only a pretty good week, and guess who still had a loss? That would be this guy here! I dropped 1.2 pounds this week down to 197! I believe I will just go ahead and have another good week dang it! That was enjoyable to see!

I am running another 5k tomorrow. This one is a little different in that it is not one with lots of corporate sponsors, or tons of people. I had asked a friend of mine to go with me to the big daddy of 5k's that is being run tomorrow in a town about an hour or so away from me. He told me he was actually participating in a local 5k that a member of my new church was having. She loves to run but has been having back problems lately and has been sidelined. I think she wants to get back in the groove of running, so she is hosting this shin dig to slowly inch back in. We are having a cookout afterwards and just hanging out in fellowship too. I don't know that I am going to stay long though. I am getting the house to myself and I am thinking I need to be studying seriously for my philosophy final and getting a draft of that essay question written. I also need to start skimming the chapters for sociology so I can find the answers I need on the final. We have had a wild set of circumstances weather wise this semester and so for this test, we are getting to use notes/books to take the test. I am good with that. I just need to have read so I know where the info being asked is.

I was so excited last night. At 8:05 p.m. I walked out of the last lecture class I will ever attend. Law school is taught with the socratic method, and quite frankly, I am excited about that. Turns out I prefer to talk and work things out rather than listen and be hand fed answers. I have often thought that it sucked to have someone else's views of the material be what you had to learn rather than having your our take on the material.

No royal wedding for me today. It is imperative that I get this yard mowed today! I may even have to rake it before all is said and done. I sure hope not dang it.

God Always Gives You What You Need At The Right Time

I wouldn't say I have been struggling like backsliding lately, but I just haven't been where I wanted to be, and my motivation was a little off. I have tried to figure out why and I have tried to power through it. I still work out 4-6 days a week, I am active, but my eating has been not like old days, but it has been less than stellar let's just say. I have tried pep talks and I have blogged openly and honestly about my struggles, and I really have gotten motivation out of both, but yesterday, God gave me what I needed to get my butt back on the wagon. It was a seemingly random experience, until I thought about it.

Kathy and I have a friend, she lives in Kathy's old hometown in Texas, and she had made a comment on Facebook, I had gotten involved in the comment thread and while on it one time, I saw on the left she had a photo album named family, so just to goof off a bit, I clicked on it, was scrolling through the pictures, and then I saw "it". I have a whole bunch of pictures of me being fat. Most I am not proud of. But this picture in her album of me, well it seemed to speak to me. It shocked me. I honestly and truly couldn't believe a) that it was me and b) how it perfectly characterized me at that weight. Here it is:

I mean I had a wow moment. This picture put me on the floor. That facial expression just does it for me. I seriously felt how I look in that picture. I was always tired, felt a little off all the time, and felt like I was the least attractive person ever. This picture, even more so than my Silver Dollar City picture, has left me with a feeling of "seriously? you let yourself get there?" mind set and it also has me feeling very grateful to my God for leading me to the right set of circumstances to lead me away from there too. So though this week has been good, I plan on making it even better, and following up with even better weeks to come. I can not, will not let myself get back there over a little stress and a return to old eating habits. I refer you to the name of my blog. It is for that reason, for my family's future well being, that that picture can never ever leave my mind.

Graduation Approaches

I know this is a weight loss blog, but it is also MY blog, so I get to post what I want! Haha. I posted the following on my Facebook page and felt it so strongly that I stole it for my blog post too:

I am shocked that I got a jump on studying for my finals last night. I didn't even plan on doing it, but hey. I have to formulate an answer to an essay question for Philosophy of Religion still, but that shouldn't take too long. I also need to read two chapter for Social Psychology. I was just thinking of all the times over the past 4 years I would look at the new degree plan my advisor had given me with what classes I had taken checked off and what classes I needed still on it, and thought to myself "gees, will I ever finish all this?" Well, I am one week and one day from doing exactly that, finishing all that. It is pretty exciting. I think my senioritis has even subsided a good deal. I was also looking at my graduation picture from when I received my Associates Degree in 2009, and it is exciting to me that when I get this graduation picture taken, I will be at least 100 pounds lighter than last time. I have said it before and I will keep saying it, God blesses me mightily, and more than I deserve.

End facebook post/

So yesterday was not as good as I would have liked eating wise but it was phenomenal exercise wise. I got thrown off by a habit I have formed that I am going to be in class till 8 or later, so for lunch, I go have a small something at Wendy's. Usually spicy nuggets. I usually study for the hour and go back up and get refills on my soda. Well yesterday I wanted to lose the hassle of having to go to the counter and ask for a refill, so I went to Burger King instead and ordered their spicy chicken sandwich and a soda. WEll I assumed the spicy chicken sandwich would be more calories that the nuggets, but not significantly more. Wrong!! it was 460 calories, which is 245 more than the 5 piece nuggets at Wendy's!! crap! So that was not a situation that I couldn't remedy, but I then was hungry before class, so I ate one of my 140 lunches of one half a sandwich flat and a package of lunch meat before I left, and then had supper when I got home. Again, probably right about where I wanted to be, except! Yeah my evening snacking got a little crazy once again. Had my yogurt, and should have stopped, but didn't. Had my banana with peanut butter, should have stopped, but didn't. I went and got another small but not tiny piece of meatloaf, and then Kathy brought out the Reeses Pieces I bought her for Easter, and I had 7 of those. I was basically out of control last night and I have to have to have to figure this night snacking thing out. Luckily, I am almost done with school, and that lunch thing will handle itself, but this night snacking has got to stop and I mean NOW!

It is my plan that tonight, the second I get home, I am going to get my log out and write down my yogurt, and one other snack and then I am going to blot out the rest of the page with my pen. I will leave no space to write anything else, and that will be that. Uh huh, yeah that is right. Planning, don't fail me now!

Day 1 Back On Track

So Day 1 of being back in the saddle was overall good, but I did tail off last night at the end. Still a residual effect of being off the wagon I am guessing. I was at 470 calories at 5 when I got off work, had supper and a snack that put me at 1600 calories. I then snacked a little more after that and wish that I hadn't. I will be taking care of that today though. I will not snack past 1800 calories and that is that. I did a new thing that worked yesterday. I eat the same thing everyday for breakfast and work, just some quantities vary. I wrote down my intake of food and its calorie count in my notebook I use for tracking at home before I left. I literally ate only that stuff all day! I am gonna try that again today. I liked it. I maybe should try that for my evening snacking rather than leaving it open ended? See, blogging is a life saver. I just figured that out while typing!

Work out time! See ya'll later!

The Break, It's Over

I had to admit it today. I have been on break. I did a whole bunch of weight losing, it took up a great deal of my mental energy for several months. It was fairly well my main focus, even with a family and a career and school, I managed to make it the thing I treasured the most. And then I made my first goal, to get to Onederland. It seems that after that, I kinda decided to go on cruise control. I have a lot going on right now. I really just needed one less thing to think about. So I have done an eeeeeh to poor job in keeping my diet and lately my exercise, to levels that are acceptable to me. I was on a break. And I don't know that this is a bad thing. I have not put on weight, I haven't lost any either. But my main concern is the poor eating habits I am letting slip back in a little at a time. I had a lot of Easter candy yesterday, I had a personal meat lovers pizza and a fajita taco salad on Saturday. I rationalize that I am exercising and being more active in general and those are offsetting any gain that may come. But the truth is, I am not where I need to be yet. I need to be back on track and heading into the 180's. So today, I declare my break over. I am now officially back in the game. I only have two days of class left, then next week is finals. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for school, so that takes that stress away. Kathy and I had a discussion last night about our financial situation and how we can do better in the future and she seemed really on board with all that we talked about and we are both ready to get this ship righted and headed down smooth waters. My mom and I are back on good terms and she is being a bit more understanding about the demands on my time. And I have found a great church that the whole family likes and wants to be active in. All these things added together leave me in what I believe is a good spot to get started again on challenging my scale to go to the lower numbers! 185, here I come! So for my first goal, I am wanting to be down from the 198 of last Friday to 195 two weeks from last Friday. Goal 1 set. It is on!!!

He Defeated Death And Sin

So today is the day that Jesus rose and defeated death and sin. I thank him for his sacrifice and for delivering us to Heaven. And it also, if you think about it, puts our mutual problem to shame. We eat too much and can't seem to figure out how to make it stop. Yeah, pretty weak if you think about it huh? So let's all take a page from Jesus' book, and rise up and defeat that evil. And think of it as an opportunity to either take your kids nutritional future into your hands. Be to your family what Jesus was to us. A redeemer. Give them the life you didn't have. Deliver them from a life of poor eating habits and low self esteem. Make their path easier than yours. It makes me kinda proud that Lauren is at least questioning some of her eating decisions now. that means she is paying attention, even if the practice of healthy eating is not all the way ingrained, the concept is. Everybody have a Happy Easter.

Motivated > Slacker

That equation has been so true for me the past few months. And with spring yawning and stretching and showing its face, I have been more and more prone to "finding something that needs done" than ever before. Here is what I was thinking about yesterday. It "seems" as though I have developed bad allergies over the past two years. I have to wonder if the reality is that I have had allergies for a while now and just didn't really suffer since, well getting me out from behind a computer screen or out from in front of my tv was next to impossible. I think my heightened symptoms now are due to the fact I actually move my ass and go outside like 1000% more than I used to. I seriously can't just sit still anymore. If I am up and awake and daylight has broken, I am trying to find something I need to be doing outside. I need to mow today, not sure that the rain will let me, so my back up plan is to clean out from under the lean to today and see about getting started on building a chicken coop for our newest family members. That is right, a chicken coop. I am the biggest sucker for Kathy's brown eyes. She has been wanting chickens for quite some time now, and I have held off as long as I can, but she got to me yesterday and I agreed to buy one adult chicken and let it run around the back yard to see how the dogs handled it, see how her and Lauren would do taking care of it. We now own 6 baby chickens that are requiring our care and attention for 4 to 6 more weeks, at which time I need to have figured out some sort of living quarters for them. Yeah, not a sucker at all. So that is on the agenda for the day. I have been working hard on getting my back yard to not be heaven for weeds and bugs. I have spent more money on weed and feed and bug keep away this year than the past 4 combined. I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel on the weeds I think, the bugs we won't know for sure until June or so. I know that if I get ants again this year, we are moving! I fought them for two months last year before winning, but man that was a fight!

I have a bit of an odd day ahead of me today. I am having lunch with my best friend Jason for his birthday. It was yesterday but he was in Little Rock. I need to get a jog in I think, but have to wait for Lauren's dad or step mom to come get her cause Kathy has to work this morning. I am betting Lauren could stay by herself for a short time, but I don't know where I want to go run or how long I will be gone for sure, so I am not doing that.

Well I have to get Kathy up for work, so talk to ya'll later!

The Importance of Activity

Good Friday bloggers!! No seriously, it is Good Friday! haha.

I will be blunt here. I expected fully to see a weight gain this morning. In fact, I was not going to be shocked if I hadn't gotten back up above 200. Soooo, you can imagine my surprise when I not only had not gained weight this week, but had lost .6 pounds from last week. I had to sit and ruminate about that. Here is what I came up with. If I look objectively, I maybe actually did not eat as crappy as I thought I did, although I am not satisfied with how I ate over the past week. And, this next point I expect is more important than most of us would want to admit. I am much more active now than I ever was before this journey began. Seriously. I now have huge issues with sitting still. I cannot seem to do it anymore. Which sounds great, but when it comes time for me to need to sit still, it creates issues too. I need to be working my butt off to finish off strong in my last two weeks of school. I suspect my Philosophy of Religion final is going to be a bear. I have the review sheet for the final that has 28 questions I need to know the answer to even though only 9 questions will be asked. I also have to formulate some sore of essay regarding one of the two possible questions. It is the first final I will be taking so I need to really put some effort into it now, making sure I have a firm grasp of every concept possible before May 3rd. That is what needs to be done this weekend and next. Want to know what will more likely get done? I am going to buy more fence planks for my privacy fence project and put those up. I am going to finish bug proofing the back yard so my dogs are not miserable this summer. I am going to get the ground clear reapplied so that I don't spend my entire summer weedeating between the fence struts in my back yard. I will mow obviously. I also want to get some creeping phlox planted around my street light pole. I need to get more birdseed and fill the feeders. As you can see, I love to DO STUFF NOW! And the fact that I can't sit still and that I just cannot dream of not working out in the morning has been the key to me not only not gaining weight when I think I should have, but I lost weight people!!

Here is where this realization is inherently dangerous. I can see me rationalizing in my eating now if I give in too much to this hype. I can see me saying hell it is summer and I will be outside all day doing this that and the other, I can have all the pizza I want, I just need to keep moving. I don't think that in one instance would be a problem. I just foresee that becoming a pattern that I could fall into. So as it stands right now, I need to be cognizant of these possibilities and guard against them now!! Am I more active? yes for now. But at some point, winter will set in and I will have developed poor eating habits again and won't have the opportunity to fight off weight gain with excessive activity.

Wow, what a rambling post, but I think seeing this in black and white helped me get what I needed to get out of this weigh in. Thanks for listening ya'll.

Salad? Really?

I guess I have kinda known for awhile, but I really really got it yesterday. I prefer salads to just about anything else it seems. If Kathy asks what I want for supper, it is some form of salad every time. I don't know when that became the case for sure, but it is. In fact, if we go out to eat, I always check out the salads on the menu first. That seems somewhat odd to me. I don't know that salad hasn't replaced pizza as my favorite food to be honest. I love FireHouse Subs Chief Salad the most. They use the best veggies and that turkey is the bomb! And they have Guldens spicy mustard, which is by far my favorite dressing for a salad. Heck now I want a salad for breakfast, see what I did? haha.

I get paid today and I think I really am gonna go buy Jillian's 30 day Shred dvd. I just get this feeling I need a challenge and this may be the one I need. I still love to jog, but it doesn't completely do it for me by itself anymore. I have been lifting weights, but it hasn't gotten me there either. I need a challenge that I don't KNOW I can do. That is what motivates me. Finding out if I can do something new. Ok, it is on, I am getting the DVD, that is that!

I do believe today will be an excruciating weight workout. I jogged uphill for a half hour on the treadmill yesterday and am feeling it more than I should be!

Maybe I Just Needed To Verbalize

So after yesterday's post, I had a great day eating. Not exceptional, but pretty dang good! It seems, as it has in the past, having a forum to verbalize what is going on, to say this is a problem I need to work on, has once again given me the perspective I need. This blog, and those of you who are kind enough to comment on my posts, is at least partially my saving grace so far. As I have said in the past, speaking to people who have an understanding of what this "disease" is like makes the communication more therapeutic. I can talk to a person who has never struggled with weight or the mental challenges faced with weight loss, but the reality is, they have nothing of substance to add to the conversation because there is no mutual understanding. But you guys and gals, you get it. You not only get it, you do or have lived it! And that is our common frame of reference and that is where the validity of our communication comes in. I want to thank Andi for a couple of days worth of some very nice and uplifting comments. I also want to thank Dawne for motivating me with a very heartfelt comment. You ladies are awesome and make me blush at the same time. those are very nice things you said.

I have a new challenge today. I am not in the workout kind of mood today. Not sure what this is about, but since I took yesterday off, I need to do something, even if it is a weight workout rather than a cardio. I have to keep my streak of being active in the morning alive to keep the habit going. I am debating about laying of the jogging for a bit,as I think the issue is one of boredom, and geting that Jillian 30 day shred dvd I threatened to get awhile back and doing it for a couple of weeks maybe. or possibly for 30 days..... haha. I need some changing up. I need a new challenge I think. any advice from my favorite peeps?

Am I Off The Wagon Or Are My Feet Just Dragging?

Not tracking has left me in a conundrum. And I know that the obvious solution is to start tracking again. But for whatever reason I am not starting back up. Anyway. I don't know that I am off the wagon folks, but I do get the feeling my feet are dragging along behind the wagon. I looked back at yesterday's menu and honestly, I don't see it as terrible in review, but all day yesterday, I felt like I was doing a terrible job eating. The only thing I would really question the quality of was the mini pizza I had for lunch. Everything else, stuff I ate while tracking religiously and none of it was in amounts I would question except maybe the two bowls of cereal I had for my snack last night, and that was Special K cereal. I think my real problem with not wanting to track is that I am under a great deal of stress here lately with all that I have going on at work, at school, around the house and activities in general here lately. I am not getting a great deal of me time and when I do get it, I am not enjoying it like I should I think. So I have kinda given up on tracking right now so that there is just one less thing for me to do. And I worry that the other side of that is that it allows me to step off the path when I am getting stressed and maybe indulge in a little comfort eating, even if it is a little different than it used to be. I mean really? Special K as a late night snack before would have made me belly laugh, and it was a big belly! But still yet, I think my diligence needs to increase so that even though I don't want to track, I can do better at my evening eating.

I decided to let myself sleep in today and not work out at all. I am dragging here lately and I think a day off is in order. I also decided Zyrtec is no longer an option. That is that. I don't like feeling groggy even if my allergies are 100% better. I would rather suffer and be alert. So last night I went back to generic Claritin and we will see how that works out for me. I am hoping that since I got rid of the infection in my respiratory system, I can keep the junk fought off with good allergy medicine taking routines.

I am anxious to see this Friday's weigh in. I am betting that if I see a gain, I will also see my urge to track return real quick like! haha.

Seriously? Every Muscle?

I have quite the situation going on here this morning. First, every muscle in between the bottom of my neck and the top of my ankles is sore this morning. Not holy crap, this is some pain sore, but all are noticeably sore! Top that off with I have no energy, and I am debating about taking an unscheduled day off of working out to see if that will fix what ails me. I was extremely active this weekend, so my guess is a day off isn't going to hurt anything. In fact it may be necessary. I wonder if switching to Zyrtec, which has done wonders, is he culprit for my dragging this morning. If that is the case, I may have no other option but to live with allergy symptoms! I can't be dragging around all the time, it isn't me!

I am determined to just get through this week now. If I do, then my undergrad career is essentially over! I have to do a presentation on Thursday. I am doing the exposition on the Ontalogical Argument, and will likely be doing assisting in my partners argument for it or against it, whichever she decides is appropriate. Then I have a paper due the same day in my social psychology class. I need to work on cleaning up the paper. It has to have in text citations and a running head that it doesn't have yet. Apart from that I am well on my way. Once these two are done, I guess we are in cruise mode with getting ready for finals. I have to admit, I am becoming a bit reflective as the day I am leaving the friendly confines of the University of Arkansas of Fort Smith grows nearer. I had to drive by the campus yesterday, and I got a bit melancholy. as bad as I want to get out of there and get started on law school, I have a fondness of the place that made it possible for my growth as a person and a professional. UAFS is truly a Godsend for me. I remember vividly the fear I had on my first day of class, and it makes me smile to remember my first A on a test, my first semester being on the Dean's list, all the late nights in the Paralegal program, the friends I made in that program, all the papers I griped about having to write, and even my recent bout of senioritis. all those experiences together have been so wonderful. I would not trade one of them for any other different set of circumstances. Oh look at me waxing poetic. I better wrap it up and see if this caffeine can get me around the block a couple of times this morning! Later all.

Dang It!!!!

I ran my 3rd 5k yesterday. It was the Earth Day 5k out at one of our favorite spots in the world, the Janet Huckabee River Valley Nature Center. I love that place. We have been several times and no matter how many times you go, it is just as awe inspiring each time. So when I saw that there was going to be a 5k there, I was on it! It was a great crowd. I will tell you this. I thought the course was going to be one that just circled the lake out there on the trail they have set up. If that had been the case, I would have been ecstatic. It is nice and flat. I was sooooo wrong. The course went around Fort Chaffee which has hills of varying degrees. Yesterday, I got to meet the long, not too steep sloped hill, but it went on and on forever, like seriously a mile!!! I woke up this morning with some screaming glutes and hamstrings!! Oh my word I have got to start working on hills apparently! and on top of that, I finished one spot outside the top three in my age group! One more spot and I medal! aaaaaargh!! The little bit of satisfaction I do get actually makes me feel bad. I am lead pack all the time and so I get to watch the people that finish behind me. I usually have a bit of satisfaction in watching people who are younger and in what looks like better shape than me finishing ten minutes later than me. It isn't right, but it makes me feel good about how hard I work and how well I am doing for a guy that was 300 pounds a few months ago.

Today, I see a long weight workout in my future. If I run at all it will be with Lauren because she is trying to get better at it. she ran in the fun run yesterday and is getting to like running! She was lead pack all the way too!

I am pretty excited that we are going to church today!! I have been wanting to visit this church for quite awhile now. I have several friends that go to it and I enjoy their company, so if it works out, it would be a great opportunity for fellowship with friends, and we could all use more of that right?

I am going to get the rest of this pot of coffee drank and go do some weight lifting. Ya'll have a great day and I will see ya tomorrow!

Crud-e-ola!

I have no idea what my deal is, but the last two days have been terrible eating wise for me in the evening! I am thinking I need to spend a couple of weeks in weight loss mode again to get this nipped in the bud before it becomes a real problem. I do not like this at all! I am find during the day, it is the evenings that are testing me!

I am going this morning to run in my 3rd 5k! I am excited about that, but even more exciting is that Lauren is going with me to run in the fun run, which is a 1/2 mile. She ran in the fun run in my last 5k and got 2nd place. I think she is thinking first place for today!! I am looking forward to this one because if I remember properly, it has no biiiiig hills, so I should be a jet on this course. I don't know how many will be there though. I am going to go with a jet mentality and see if I can place in my age group again! If I don't though, I am ok. I love getting the t shirts to be honest! I am hoping that no soreness sets in tomorrow so I can get another 3 miles in the morning. If it does, I am going to do a weight workout though. I am getting pretty excited about my weight workouts again. I love the soreness in muscles other than my legs!! haha. Well I have to get my pen and my notebook out for writing down calories. I have to admit, I am kinda looking forward to tracking again. It brings a bit of comfort to me for some weird reason. Anyway, ya'll have a fantastical day!!

Remember When?

I had one of those days yesterday. Remember when? Remember when you would just give in to every urge and not even put up a fight? Oooooh look, Burger King. Man a burger sounds good. I am gonna hit this drive thru real quick. Heeeeey, I love those McRibs, and they are back! I should get one right now! I know supper was good, and I ain't really even hungry, but there is an 8 pack of hot dogs in the fridge with my name on it! I am so totally gonna take Friday, Saturday and Sunday to do just absolutely nothing but watch tv and putter around on the internet!

I did all those things and on a regular basis. I am not proud of it. But it is what it is. I got started thinking about it yesterday morning. I went out for my run and I realized at the 2 mile mark that I hadn't even hit the stage where I was being challenged by the jog. I was breathing fine, I was not fighting tired legs, I was not mentally trying to figure out how to finish out, I was just doing it. Just like Nike tells me to. And all that brought to mind the day I started adding the movement movement (funny huh?) to my journey. I even vividly remember my first foray. I decided to walk a mile around my block that morning. I also remember vividly how shocked I was that only half way around the block, and halfway up the long sloping hill on the other side of my block, that I was not only tired, but sore already. My back was killing me! I eventually conceded that a 1/2 would suffice for the day and went home to lick my wounds. But it was a blessing. I am that guy that takes a challenge. I live my life for challenges it seems. I love to prove that I can do "that" whatever that may be. So I set out to get myself in better shape and I think I have done a good job of it. I am also pretty proud of how dramatically I have changed my eating habits. I have all but taken restrictions off for maintenance mode, but the habits I gained while in loss mode have stuck. My calorie intake is higher, but the quality of food is so much higher, and I don't let myself get out of control calorie wise. I was just on a very restricted calorie count before. going from 1500 to 2000-2200 calories is actually a lot believe it or not!

I have always preached that no matter what strides you make in this journey, never ever let them become commonplace. Always always always remember how awesome each achievement is, and always treat it with the same awe as the first time you realized that you had achieved it. I have had the same amazement at my two mile mark realization many many times, and plan to keep on having it. I love that feeling!

The End of "The End" Mentality

I am in stand still mode. That may not sound very impressive, but in reality, for me to actively decide to stand still, and be successful at it, is a HUGE step for me. I know it sounds dumb, but let me explain.

In the past, I have had from limited to great success in losing weight. My issue has always come on the back end of the weight loss, when I said, "The End, I am there" and then went right back to poor eating habits and little to no activity. There was no maintaining the weight loss planned, just the weight loss. Well this go around, I decided to be ready for that. Even though the reality is that I am not done done, I am in the midst of a non push for weight loss. I expended a great deal of energy on weight loss over the past few months, and things are starting to whir at a fast pace in my life, so I decided I would just be happy having made it to Onederland for now, and maintain that until I can clear a few things off this plate of mine. I am going to shoot for 185 pounds later, but for now, I am trying to maintain between 196 and 198. And I have been successful for two weeks in a row now. I am not on the totally strict eating plan I was for weight loss, but I keep the same structure in terms of foods ate, how often I eat, and generally how much I eat. I do let some foods I was not eating slip in now. I have the occasional sweet treat, I do have some pasta or potatoes with supper now, just one portion though, but strangely, the two foods that probably contributed to my hugeness have not even crossed my mind and I haven't had either yet. Hot dogs and fast food hamburgers. Not even a small urge for one or the other. And my real weakness, pizza, hasn't had any real appeal to me either. I had a slice at Sam's Club the other day, but one slice only and was not tempted to get another even with them being so cheap. I do believe that my eating habits I developed during my weight loss push have taken hold. I still love a good salad, and Kathy still makes a mean one!! In fact she made me one last night that was delicious!! Grilled chicken breast is a favorite still, I love me some yogurt and almonds and I still, for some reason, can't eat slices of a loaf of bread. I need pitas or sandwich thins for my lunch. I don't have a vendetta against loaves of bread, I just quit eating it during the Hot 100 and don't have the craving for it anymore.

So I guess, like the title says, this is the end of the "The End" mentality that has screwed me so many times before. I have to admit, I enjoy that I have given myself some "freedom" to return some of the items I had been boycotting during weigh loss and still have no desire for them. It is quite empowering. Power of positive reinforcement I suppose! Well I have to get shoes on and a warm shirt. I am going back out to jog this morning and it is kinda cool out!

Possibly The Best Visit I Have Ever Had!!

Been a bit under the weather lately. So much so that yesterday morning, while doing my morning workout, I couldn't breath for nothing in the world! I finally decided it was time to get rid of the hard head and go to the doctor to see what was up with my lungs/respiratory in general. I made me an appointment yesterday morning and got in at 11. I honestly am so used to this new body of mine, and so ready for some relief from my respiratory distress, that I did not think about the fact that my chart was going to show a huge bunch of changes. I actually was so under the weather that when the nurse was doing my vitals and she started asking me question about my name and birth date, it did not dawn on me why! So she sets me up in the exam room and lets me be. I sat there for only a few minutes as is usual with Dr.Niba. He is my favorite doctor of all time. He does two things I enjoy. He shuts up when you are talking and he listens very intently while you talk rather than punching in some info on the tablet and saying "uh huh" a lot and clearly not listening to you when you are telling him what you have going on. so anyway, he comes in and the first thing he says to me is "what did you do?" Dr. Niba is from South Africa, so sometimes he talks a little differently than most, so I assumed he was just asking me what I had going on today, so I told him. He stops me when I am describing my symptoms and says, "no, I mean what did you DO!!?? I am so proud of these numbers I see here. Over 110 pounds lost since last you came in, blood pressure is phenomenal, heart rate phenomenal, just absolute goodness! WHAT did you do?" So I let him in on my last few months and what I had undertaken and he seemed particularly interested in my new eating style and even wanted more information on blogging for weight loss. One thing that stuck with me the whole time, the big huge smile on his face that would not go away. I mean he beamed the whole time. I started thinking about it later, and as a doctor, I am guessing that your happiness can sometimes be tied to how your patients are doing, especially those like the old me who are obviously trying to run themselves into an early death. I guess sometimes, when the patients aren't helping you help them, it can get frustrating. I have to imagine that much like the people who are our clients at the office, when we tell them to do something for their own benefit and they do, it is a golden feeling to see on of your patients whom you have worried over for so long, get it right! I can point to so many victories along this crazy wonderful road so far, but none I think are bigger than Dr. Niba's huge toothy grin for the whole exam yesterday. It was fantastic!

So he eventually got me examined and determined that I had let my allergies get too far ahead of me and the junk got in my lungs an infected them, so I got some Keflex and a warning that I needed to stop jacking around and get some claritin in me every night to keep the junk down, especially since I am such an outdoors person now. I promised him I would do that and we parted ways. He was still smiling at me as we shook hands and went separate ways in the hall. It was fun stuff Maynard!

I have decided that even though I do feel a bit better this morning, I am going to skip the run this morning and do a weight and ab workout instead. I may even start doing one less run day a week and do this workout instead. I have to believe my legs are getting tired of getting their asses kicked all the time you know... haha. So anyway, I best get this cup 'o joe finished and get after it. Ya'll have a wonderful Tuesday!!

A Farewell To Most Of My Closet

Saturday night, Kathy finally pushed me to finish up the cleaning of my closet. I went in and started to cull my clothes out that were just not gonna get used anymore. I was shocked at how many there were to be perfectly honest. And some stuff I did hang on to for sentimental reasons, like my first XL that fit, or a shirt I gave my late friend Gary for Christmas that his widow gave back to me, and a few other dumb things. But for the most part, I went through and chunked clothes left and right. I guess the most eye opening thing I did was to remember oh I remember this shirt was always tight, maybe it will still be ok. Then I would put the shirt on and it would swallow me and Kathy would shake her head no. So, now, I have a pretty bare closet. I have been doing pretty well about picking up a few things here and there as I go and I have the money, but it just hasn't been as much or as often as I would like. The focus has been on trying to keep me in office clothes right now, with a few t-shirts and shorts thrown in here and there. I think that after just a couple of more long sleeve button downs and maybe one more black pair of slacks, I could probably go ahead and begin my new causal wardrobe. We will see.

I guess it should be an joyous occasion to have to clean out your closet of the too big stuff rather than the too little stuff this time, and I am excited and happy to have to have done it. But I also got a little melancholy I guess. I get attached to my stuff. I am the worlds worst about it. As long as it is mine, it is safe usually, cause I am not likely to get rid of it without being pushed or a huge cleaning mode hitting me. I told Kathy we should totally do a yard sale with it, as I know from experience that fat guy clothes are hard to come by in a yard sale!! I would be the talk of the yard sale circuit most likely as I had some pretty nice fat guy clothes I think! so that is over, glad to not have to do it again for awhile.

My jogging is getting back on track. I finished out 2.5 miles yesterday without too much trouble. I kept a much closer eye on my blood sugar when I was done this time though! Saturday scared the crap out of me. My new shoes did exactly what I was hoping for too. No hurting throbbing knees, ankles or hips! I thought that my other shoes may be the root cause and I think I nailed it! I woke up to a storm this morning so looks like a treadmill workout today. I am not dreading it per se, but I have become quite spoiled to the outside work I have been doing and I do enjoy it more. I hate having all the numbers staring back at me on a treadmill now. It was good when I was pushing myself to get in better shape, but now I am more likely to push myself outside even harder, or at least that is what my times say, and it seems like I take it harder when I see the numbers on my treadmill. It is a head game I know. But still.

Well I better stop the yakking and start the jogging. I will catch ya'll later and have a wonderful Monday on me!!

A Legit Health Scare

I am lucky I have a smart wife cause I had a real scare yesterday that apparently could have gotten worse than it did if she hadn't been smart and acted quickly yesterday morning. As planned, I took off on a jog yesterday morning. It had been 3 days since I had jogged and I had been sick all three days, so I just assumed me pushing so hard to finish was due to those two factors. I got home and was sitting here playing on the computer and rehydrating when I started feeling just awful! I was still sweating but I was cold as all get out, my stomach hurt like crazy, and my muscles felt just terrible. So I went and got in bed and covered up and Kathy asked me what I was doing I told her I didn't feel right and she asked me what all was wrong. I told her and she hopped out of bed and went and did some quick research and brought me a packet of cookies and said eat now! I did and sure enough, about 10 minutes later I was on my way back. I had apparently let my blood sugar plummet to a dangerous level. I had no idea I could do that since historically I was always high blood sugar. I knew I had let it get kinda low before, and had some mild symptoms, but this was like scary bad! The worse part is, I had no strips for testing, so I couldn't have even figured it out if I had had the notion that was the problem. So now Kathy is making me keep a better eye on my blood sugar. and that is fine. I need a keeper apparently.

I am proud to have to type this next sentence. I wore out a pair of running shoes, and had to buy new ones!!

There on the left is the old pair, which will now be general use shoes, and the right is the new pair. Looks like bumble bee shoes huh? but I like them and they were a steal! 37 dollars! I have fallen in love with UnderArmour shoes! I have never worn more comfortable shoes in my life! I am really looking forward to a good run this morning. I had noticed that as per usual, the outside back edges of my shoes were wearing down, and lately my ankle and hips had started to hurt some. That is kinda the benchmark for my need to buy new shoes. I have had a huge blessing since losing weight that it takes much longer for that to happen now. I was wearing shoes for like 3 months with only normal wear before the edges were jacked up. I have ran many many miles in these shoes and I bought them in November I think, so I got a great deal of use from them. Much more than normal.

Not sure what all I am gonna get into today. I got most of the work I wanted to get done this weekend done yesterday, so we will see what kinda productivity, mischief, or leisure activity finds me today as the day progresses I suppose. I hope ya'll have a great day!

The Stains

Never heard anyone talk about this before so I am kind wondering if it was just me. I hadn't thought much about it till yesterday when I was at PF Changs for supper. I recall back in my larger (to be read HUGE) days, stains, they were a constant for me. If I went out to eat, it was basically a given. Something was falling off my fork, and was leaving an indelible mark on my shirt! I never put 2 and 2 together though. It was a dimensions game. My belly was so big, that it stuck out, leaving me farther from the table, so that when something fell or dripped, rather than hitting the table, it hit by belly because I had to bring the food out over my belly to get to my mouth! So I rarely eat stuff with sauce now a days, and the first thing I thought yesterday was that I was so screwed because I had a white Eddie Bauer tshirt on (by the way, a huge perk to getting down to a size large is you get cooler clothes like oh, Eddie Bauer stuff!) and the food I ordered had light sauce on it. I ate the meal and left sans one single stain. So as I am assessing the situation to figure out how I did that, that is when the above equation hit me! How cool is it to figure things out like that!

I have not ran for 3 consecutive days now due to the creeping crud and I am not sure I am all the way better today, but my leg are itching and I don't think I can make them wait another day. I will adjust my speed and intensity according to how I feel but I have to run today. It is 65 degrees this morning and the sun is kissing the morning sky. See ya!!

Buck Up For Three Weeks

I have a disease, but no doctor can cure it. I have the worst case of Senior-itis ever!! I kid you not, I just want to be done with undergrad school NOW! I can't wait to walk across that stage, get my diploma, and get out of there and get to the next goal. I remember very vividly how hard I worked and how much I enjoyed my first two years of college. I was Superman, I took a full load of classes, I studied my hind end off and I was there both summer semesters trying to get ahead and finish up. By the spring semester of my junior year, that was over with! I took that summer off and can now see that law school will likely be the same story for me. I think I need time to let my brain cool now that I am old. That and you have to unwind sometimes to get ready for the next round. So anyway in three weeks, assuming I survive them, I have to buck up. I am not a class skipping person, so there is that dang it. I do know this, I bet I remember every last footstep to my truck after I hand in my last final. I may even take a lap around campus just for dramatic effect. I am just so ready, did I mention that? haha

I am on day two of the creeping crud. I am choosing to not exercise for a second day in a row in the hopes of getting rid of it. I can see a very hard few days in my future to get the days off made up and get myself if great shape for the next 5k. I love physical challenges! Love them! so bring it on baby!

So, Which One Am I?

I am sure everyone here has at some point in time used a website that gives you an estimated Basal Metabolic Rate to get an idea of where to be on your calories. I used one here while back to discover that, with the info I put in, if I laid on the couch all day, I would burn 1880 calories. It then went on to give more numbers for if I was sedentary, moderately active, active and very active. I think for my purposes I entered active. So I am starting to question. What constitutes the difference between active and very active. I ask this because I have been having some serious muscle soreness since my 5k Saturday morning. My thighs are refusing to get unsore, my abs took till yesterday afternoon to finally quit barking at me, and my hip muscles and calves haven't been pissed off per se, but they have expressed concern. I am not good at laying off my routine. I am a push through it guy. But the truth is, I was what I think was very active this weekend and I have to wonder if maybe I am over doing it with spring in the air and could maybe back of one morning workout. I usually do take off either Thursday, on a non race week, or Friday on a race week, but even those days I do it begrudgingly. It seems my days go so much better when I workout in the morning. I have a better attitude and things just go my way in general. 45 minutes of sweat and breathing hard is a small price to pay for a good day I think. Jogging has become so central in my life that it is hard to not do it. In fact, I am envisioning me running around the block as I type this. That is probably a self fulfilling prophesy right there. So anyway, what do ya'll think? Is it very active to workout 6 days a week, 45 minutes, 30 of them jogging and 15 weight training? To do yard work 2 days a week and help your daughter with volleyball practice? To constantly be in motion doing housework or some form of work around the home? I am starting to think yes. But I am a rationalizer, so I ask you.

Not Sure What To Do Here

I am soooo sore today. I am seriously feeling it in my legs and hips. Bad. I don't want to break my tradition of running through the week, but I also wonder if I should keep pushing so hard physically. I have come to realize that I am a pretty active guy in general. In fact, I have become a little bit of an antsy person. I can't hardly stand to sit still anymore. If I don't have to be sitting, or it isn't late at night, then I get all get up and do something-ish! I think my overly active weekend coupled with my overly oldness has got me where I am this morning. I am debating about just doing a weight workout now and seeing about a walk at lunch. Hey there we go. It solves two problems. I may go that route instead. See this blog is hugely helpful!

Holy Schmoly, That Was No Walk In The Park!

Oh it has truly been a wonderful weekend! I hate to go back to to work now, but I don't suppose my options abound. I did my 5k on Saturday and I have to say, it was HARD! Oh man talk about some hills! And the field was much bigger this time, so I didn't place top 3 in my age division this time, but I was top 7 of 16 total in my age. And I beat my previous best time by 3 minutes!! I came in at 27:43!! I think it was more like 27:10, but that was my official time. I know this, I have been more active this weekend all weekends combined from April to July of last year, and it makes me feel so good to be able to get up and just do. I spent all day yesterday just working outside, and when I took Lauren to volleyball practice, I got involved shagging balls for the coach and the girls, and then we wound up having the coach, one of Lauren's friend's dad, Kathy and I play the girls in volleyball at the end of practice. If they let the ball hit the floor on service or on return, they had to run. It was a hoot! We played for about a half hour, then I came back and worked outside again the rest of the day. I got a fair amount of work done and then I cooked pork chops on the grill last night, and we all ate out on the deck about 8 o'clock. It was perfect. 82 degrees, sunset, no flies, and dogs making out like bandits on pork chop bones and meat. That is a wonderful life folks.

It is a real life this morning. I have to go to work and a storm has moved in which takes our temps from the beautiful warm sunny 90 we had yesterday to a high of 50 today! And it is storming, so no outside run this morning either! Gaaaaah! I think the treadmill was getting upset with me anyway for ignoring it. Plus I am sore, so I can turn it down a little this morning and work this soreness out. That's it yeah... haha!!!

I was staring at that picture of me in Silver Dollar City again. I just can't believe that a) I got to the weight I was in that picture and stayed there for so long b) I have gotten to the weight I am now and in fairly quick order, and not by design and c) I went from a 3X shirt to an L shirt and those are even starting to show some extra room!! In a million years, you would never have told me I could wear a medium shirt! I haven't bought one yet, but I am debating about getting one just to see. It may be pipe dreaming, but maybe not! Oh and I am having to fight for my dream of going to an amusement park this summer. Kathy is worried about our money situation with me headed to law school in August and is ready to practice fiscal responsibility now. I am gonna have to talk fast on this one, I can tell you that! Haha. I just want one day, one day that I can walk around that park and not once go "I will try and hope I can fit" and that "even if I do fit, this is gonna hurt!!" It isn't too much right?

My good friend and inspiration Dawne saw fit to give me the Lovely Blog award and I appreciate her for it. As part of the rules, I have to list 7 things about me so here goes.

1. I am one of the most blessed people I know ever. It wasn't always that way, I was having a hard time in life. It seems like once I learned to appreciate the small blessings, like when I finally was able to go to first shift at my old job, the bigger blessings started coming, like meeting my beautiful wife of almost 4 years and getting a really wonderful step daughter in the process.

2. I am the eternal optimist. Again, wasn't always, but I am now. I never see a hopeless situation. Even though I am not supposed to work during my first year of law school, and it does scare me, I just have faith that God will work his blessings out to cover us. It may not be all steak and ice cream living for that year, but we won't be losing anything either. In fact, once I am done with all this business, I will appreciate the financial gain even more than those who had no trouble cause their parents paid for it.

3. I have a rocky relationship with my Mom and it has often been a source of stress. I am not sure what she is mad at me for now. It is allegedly because I chose not to use my dad's truck to go to Texas and get my wife's china cabinet from her grandma that her dad had given us. I have to wonder if our real problem isn't that my mom didn't have much of a childhood and so when I came to live with her when I was 11 she kinda launched her lost childhood around that time and became a drinking carousing and irresponsible fool. Now that I am about her age when she started all that, and I am actually moving ahead in a positive direction, I think it frustrates her to know what might have been. She had the potential to do all that I am doing, but life just got complicated for her is all.

4. I am so addicted to jogging it isn't funny! And I owe that to Dawne. She put that in me with her posts. I was longing to start but was convinced my ankles and knees would have nothing to do with that. Turns out, when you weight 103 pounds less, the ankles and knees do not protest as much!

5. I think this blog may have saved my life. I was huge. I was looking at a picture of me at Silver Dollar City during the 2010 summer, right before I decided to get the weigh off. I can't believe I was that big. there is no chance I made it for very much longer at that size. I may have mad it to the 60's but that would be amazing.

6. I never knew you could love someone as much as I love my wife. I swear if I hadn't met her, all this craziness I am putting myself through probably wouldn't have happened. I get a little overwhelmed sometimes and I always fall back on the fact I am not doing this so much for me, but for her and Lauren. I want them to have the lives they deserve. I want Lauren to be able to go to college straight out of high school and achieve early in life what it has taken me till so late in life because my resources were limited. I am literally the first person in my family to go this far in school and I had no knowledge of the resources or even the procedure to go to college. Now I have knowledge of both and I can pass that on so that my family can break the cycle of non education.

7. Law school is prolly going to be my last level of education, but I am seriously considering a Masters. I told Kathy that and got the dirty look, so it may have to be back burnered until I actually finish law school before I bring it up again.

so there I am . I will have to think about who I am going to pass it on too. I need to get up and get ready for my race, so I will catch ya'll later!

Another 5K On Tap

Tomorrow is 5k number two for me! I am even more excited than I was for the last one because I have a better idea what it is going to be like and I think I am going to do even better than I did the first one now that I know do not try to use other racers as pace keepers, but to assume I am the fastest guy there! I also love that it is for my local school system. The proceeds from this race helps pay for 4th grade camp. Lauren will be going to 4th grade camp next year, so it has a personal connection for me. Kathy is talking about volunteering to help out since the news is saying that they are still in need of assistance. I would love to see her there, it would make my day!

I have decided that if I am going into maintenance mode, I need to switch my weigh ins to weekly, so that I can stay on top of the situation in the event I need to figure out what I ate that week to either gain or lose more weight and adjust on the fly. I weighed in this morning and my gain from last week has disappeared and I am back to status quo. That suits me for now. Like I said, I just want to hold the line for now until I can get my hypothetical plate a little less full. It does seem to me that even though it was just a couple of days ago I decided to do maintenance mode, it has taken a huge weight off my shoulders to have one less thing to really focus on and put tons of energy in to. Which brings me to a sad but true point. My mom is severely pissed at me right now. Not even really sure why. I could type the story here but it would take forever and just leave even more people in this world confused, so why bother? Long story short, my mom believe I am just a disrespectful, ungrateful and unloving son who only wants things from her and never gives back. So she has told me she doesn't want to have any contact with me, at least for now, and that our communications are closed. She has gone so far as to de-friend me on facebook. Now here is the sad part. I spend a great deal of energy trying to figure out how I can get by and visit with her and keep her happy while still keeping my schedule up and leaving SOME time for me during the week. The real problem is that it is not enjoyable to go visit her. It isn't torture, but we have the same conversations all the time, we never go anywhere or do anything, it is strictly at her house, and like I said, I get to hear that I have terrible political views, that she can't believe how uninformed I am, that she has the old aches and pains, she usually comes up with something new to tell me about her aches and pains, and usually some family member has done her wrong, and often that family member is me. Oh and her work is really wearing her out. She works from home and it has been hectic at times I know, but on a slow day of brokering, she is free to go lay in the bed and watch tv, sooooo. Anyway, the sad part about all this is that I feel kinda good to at least get a break from having to figure out how I can spend time with her. I have been really really concentrating on it hard since she got very upset with me about it late last year and I realized she was right, I was not getting to spend enough time with her at all. So I have made it a point to go down at least one morning of the weekend and hang out with her for an hour or so, and I always go down to help her when she needs technical assistance with stuff or needs me to go get something from the store for her. I am not that bad of a son I don't think. I don't think she realized how many commitments I have is the problem and I have always made good grades but she doesn't get that it isn't easy to go to school, work full time and have an active role in county government, on top of being a family man. I seriously just don't have a ton of time to just go down and have the same conversation, usually negative. But I do it. I just want to make sure she is happy. Now that I get a break from that, I feel bad to be thinking I am getting a little of my time back and it makes me a little happy. Anybody have any thoughts on this?