Hide and Seek

Total honesty. In my dealings with others, I am always honest, even if it isn't to my benefit. So I guess the biggest question I have is why aren't I honest with myself? Why do I lie or hide the truth from myself?

I have both in the distant past, and recent past, played hide and seek with the truth. For example, after i lost the 100+ pounds but then I started law school. I noticed at some point that I was starting to put weight on. But I didn't do the right thing at 18 pounds gained. No, I decided that I would just eat better even if I couldn't exercise more. But I didn't, even though I tried to convince myself I was. I have envisioned that time I stepped on the scale and saw 214 up from 196 at least a thousand times. And I ask myself every time, whydidn't you just stope the bleeding there? Why didnt you get back on the horse right then? But that is the past. I have to move on.

Or today, when I almost made the conscious decision to not track the bottle of Mountain Dew I had with lunch. Why would I do that? My thought was to keep me from going over on calories on my budget for the day. Luckily, God spoke to my conscious and told me that was not gaining me anything but a first class ticket to failing again. So I traced it. And guess what. God fixed my numbers dilemma. My wife made a delicious dish for dinner tonight as she is wont to do. And the calorie count was so low on it, the soda didn't matter!

So this is the vow. Even if it isn't to my benefit, I will be honest with myself everyday. In my workout, in my food tracking, in my goal of getting more in the Word to help Him help me.

Oh and I also want to brag on Him and me again. I was in my office and one of the guys from the Juvenile Department made me aware tat there were cupcakes from the awesomeest cupcake place in town! I passed them on the way out and had that 30 seconds of looking at them trying to figure out which one I could convince myself was the least unhealthy. Suddenly, I disengaged, and walked out ! Granted, I am not a huge sweets fan. But this was a conscious decision that would have never took place last week.