I'll Do It Later

So many things got the "I'll do it later" from me when I was 300+ lbs. Everything from the piece of paper I walked by in the floor to the trip I needed to take out to my truck to get something I needed from it to, and this one was most important, losing weight. When you are severely overweight, it is a chore to do everything! Seriously. If it weren't for the addiction to eating, I would have put off getting up to go to the kitchen for overeating! I have put some weight back on, to be specific, 38 pounds worth of weight from my lowest weight. I am not proud of it, I am not happy with myself, but most importantly, I am not defeated. This weight loss journey is something I am strapped with for the rest of my life. Partially because I am genetically challenged, but I think moreso because I let my body think it was ok to be so fat, that is its norm. So even though I have not been eating anything like I used to eat before I began this journey, my body did not learn that it was ok to be skinny. when the exercise stopped happening and the strict dieting laxed, my body began to make fat again. I have not done any research about this recently, but it seems I read somewhere that you are born with X amount of fat cells, but if you become obese, then your body creates more fat cells for storage of exess fat. Those cells never go away and are looking to be as full as they once were again. I could be mistaken, if I am someone correct me. But I think that is the challenge I face. I will always for the rest of my life have to battle with those fat cells seeking to be refilled.

One thing mentally that is getting to me is that I swore when I got to Onederland, I would never leave again. I let myself down on that oath, big time. But I am not beating myself up. ONe thing in life I have learned in my almost 40 years is that the most valuable learning comes from failure. I am moving forward and setting a goal, which is one of the things I think knocked me off track was not having a set goal. I am looking to get to 190 this year. HOwever, my approach will be different than before. I am not going to seek to race to 190, but rather I am going to practice new habits that are maintainable without exerting too much pressure on me. I don't necessarily need to run 3 miles everyday, I don't necessarily need to restrict my calorie intake to 1,500 a day, I don't necessarily need to lose 2 pounds a week. In fact, all those things may have been part of the reason I am gaining back so easily. I theoririze that my body reacted to such dramatic weight loss as tragic, and once I loosened my grip on all those things, started trying to get back to status quo from the past. so this time around, no excessive exercise, no excessive calorie restriction ( but yes I will limit caloric intake ya'll) and if I go a week with a 1/2 pound loss, then so be it. I am also adding weight training, so that I can have an active day without running. All these plans together should help me become a Onederlander again sometime this year.

So come on blog land. Join me in 2012 and let's get to gettin'!! I will see you in ONderland by December!!