Next Up

So far, I haven't done a diving off the cliff into the ocean approach for this version of weight loss. I am making changes here and there, and adding changes as I get better at the initial changes. For example, I choose the smallest of everything I can. Historically, I want MORE of everything. There is a store that has fountain drinks with additives. I get the Diet Mountain Dew, then get the energy additive in it. I originally ALWAYS got the 44 ounce cup. Then I cut it down to the 32 ounce. Now, I get the 20 ounce cup. We have black cereal bowls at home that are pretty good size. I used to always use them for my night time cereal snack (and if you haven't tried it, get the Kashi GoLean cereals, they are chock full of good stuff and taste good too!), but now, I used the little small clear glass bowls. It may not seem like those are big things, but they are steps in the right direction and are helping me change my mindset. I have often gone in full bore, did okay for awhile, then flamed out from trying to do so much so fast.

The last week was about getting in at least 4 workouts, and I did. So this week, I am adding calorie tracking with MyFitnessPal. I have it set up for a 1900 calories per day goal, which is very doable. The key to this step is going to be to be completely honest and transparent in my logging. No pulling the "I'll have an apple and not put it on the MFP, it won't hurt nothing" kind of thinking. It ALL goes in and if I go over, well then do better tomorrow.

It is weird, but I seem to have a phenomenal change in attitude here lately. I am not trying to give it the "Lose weight or die trying" all out approach. I seem to have settled down and started to understand the marathon not a sprint aspect this time. I do want results fast, but the reality is that fast has never been good for me. I just go right back to old behaviors because "I am done" takes over my behavior. And I truly feel that I can attribute the new attitude to the wisdom I prayed for. I finally admit, I can't just power through this myself. I believe I honestly have an addiction to food. And that addiction to food has caused my desire to get physically fit to suffer, thereby knocking me off the path to working out. But now, I will weigh and I will track numbers, but I will continually pray that if I don't like the outcome, I don't take my eyes off the bigger picture of a year from now, 5 year from now, if I stay the course that will be the pay off. I may not lose 3 pounds this week. I may have to figure out what foods least affect my blood sugar. I may will be working on all this for the rest of my life, which is why I can't "go hard". I need to pace myself. Slow methodical and consistent change.

Surprise!

Kathy, Lauren and I have been going to a class at our gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It is a boxing class but it is a circuit, and you do all sorts of core exercises and shoulder and back as well. I got the greatest surprises last night. There were two stations that as he was explaining them, all I could think is I won't be able to do those two. One of the few traits I have that I like is I will always always always try. I never, within reason at least, determine I just can't and won't even give it a shot. So when I got the first station, I was absolutely shocked that I could do it! And pretty good too! So the second one I was worried about was 3 stations down the rotation and by the time I got to it, I was pretty gassed. I was even more certain I was not going to be able to do it now. But like I said, I will ALWAYS try. I once again not only was able to do it, I was pretty good at it!! All in all, Tuesday was a great day.

Numbers

Tomorrow, I start tracking some numbers I've been ignoring lately. I had a BP issue at the doctors office on Tuesday, but I hadn't had my meds for a week either. And my blood sugar is going to start being more of a priority.

I'm seriously stoked to get going back at this again with that one med gone!

Decisions

There are many aspects of my ife where I depend on others, so I don't have complete control of the total equation. But the one thing that I always have control over is the decisions I make.

One of the things that I do have complete control over is the decisions I make with regards to my health and nutrition. I decide what goes in my body, I decide how committed I am to working out and staying generally active. That's really all getting shape is,  series of good decisions. Put down the fast food, fire up the stove. Quit buying Little Debbie and start buying protein bars. Quit hitting up the peanut butter and jelly for an evening snack and hit the Kashi GoLean cereal. Stop reading the Facebook on iPad in the morning and evening and hit the gym or walk the block. Don't send the kids after things for you, walk and get them yourself. Decisions, decisions.

For the last 3 days, I've been concentrating on a theme. I'm stacking up good decisions one on top of the other. This weekend alone, I have taken food off my plate when Kathy made it, I've skipped cookies at church, I had a child's burger at BK instead of a double whopper. I set the alarm on my phone for 4:40 in the morning.

I'm off one of my blood sugar meds now, and by all rights, I should start seeing the results of working out now as as I eat reasonably.

Mental Preparation

This week has been about mental preparation. I have addressed some habits and mental states that I have been dealing with by basically praying for help and stacking up good choices on top of each other. But tomorrow starts the physical aspect of the journey. I'm setting my alarm for 4:40 again and starting to add up days in a row working out. Even though I hate selfies, I am going back to posting those. I'm also going to start physically writing down my plan for the week and crossing the days off as I complete them. I had a friend give me that idea last week and he is kicking butt, so it must work!

Stop Talking About It

I'm done talking about what I've done and what I want to do. From now on, I'm doing it then I will talk about it. #shutupandance

Starting With Hope, And Keeping The Hope Alive

I just came off a really good three months of eating well, exercising often, and being more active generally. And all that got me was 3 pounds lost and no inches lost. Granted, I was in better shape, but that ceiling is coming pretty quick if I can't start getting weight off I think.

So I was just sitting here in another re-boot phase and thinking. Hope is not so hard to come by. I think the idea of a better you is enough to get any endeavor off the ground. But man, keeping hope alive is a delicate balance. For example, take my situation now compared to my situation in 2010-11. I had hope, and I took off with exercising and eating right,etc. I saw weight coming off, and that bred more hope. Each pound gone, every shirt size you go down, it builds on itself. But how do you build hope on nothing?

I am working on new hope. I am going to the doctor next week and attempting to see if the medicines I am on are holding me back maybe? Maybe seeing if they can send me somewhere to get the process jumpstarted. That is my newest hope. I don't need to lose 3 pounds a week, but I need to see some kind of noticable progress to keep hope alive.