The Inner Turmoil/ How Do I Make This Time A Happy Ending?

I come to you today completely aggravated, disgusted, sad, defeated and any number of negative emotions. I am in another stop and start and stop cycle in my efforts to regain that fire in my belly (no pun intended) to get myself back on track to lower weight and better health. It is possible I am over-thinking it, but I set out this time trying to do something different. I am sure we have all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. When I decided to fire up this time, I thought to myself " I put a lot of energy and time and effort into the 100 pound loss. When I hit 196, I just decided I needed a break from all the effort." I also debated the point that maybe losing 100 pounds in 10-11 months was too quick and that made it easier to put it back on.

With all that in mind, my thought process was to put a little less emphasis on number crunching, and to try to take off the weight a little slower than last time. I also decided to not use a scale to track progress, but to pick out clothes and use them as goals to reach. It seemed like was doing a pretty good job for awhile. But I stand here today, having to admit that the lack of structure may not have been the best way to get me going. I have once again began an inner debate about going back to being OCD on calories and exercise. But history tells us that hasn't worked out.
So the ultimate question winds up being, what do I need to do to be successful? Can I make the OCD route work by just being mindful of where I am and how to get either to the next checkpoint, and when the goal is reached, to stay there?

Any thoughts on this ?

The Belt Notch Story

Probably one of my favorite stories of all my weight loss stories. I think we can all relate to the belt struggles. When your current belt notch isn't quite fitting, as in too loose. But the next notch is pushing it for too tight. So you are stuck in between. I had that issue a couple of weeks ago. At some point I just gave up and went to the next notch and dealt with the "too tight" problems. Friday was a crazy morning. I had cranky kids, it was cold, and I had court to get to an needed to look over my files before I left for court. So I am walking in the back door of the office and I realize my pants are starting to slide down. I immediately thought "crap, I put my belt in the wrong notch." Guess what. I did not! I have to admit I have been living on that rush for the past couple of day.

On the running front, I still haven't gotten my speed up to where I want to be. But I have gotten my average minutes per mile down significantly over the past two weeks! And I managed to up my distance in 30 minutes (obviously the two are related but I wanted to say both... haha) I am hoping that before the end of the Run for God Couch to 5K, I am actually running a competitive 5k time!!

One loss, One win

With the holiday season upon us, I was reminded of one demon that I had yet to address since I have been back on track. The Free Food Demon!! I went to the courthouse the other night to watch the returns and kinda hobknob with my local folks. The circuit clerk's office had put out quite a spread for the event! And despite the fact I had just come from supper, guess who partook of the food anyway. Not saying I stuffed myself like a turkey, but in reality, I probably should have just bypassed it all together. But the rationalist/"economist" in us always says "but it is FREE FOOD!" So now comes the prayers for help to defeat that particular demon.

On to the wins category. Remember that goal shirt that I have probably made everybody sick of hearing about. I am wearing it right now. That's right, goal shirt #1 is now in the wardrobe rotation!! I also picked out goal shirt #2 this morning. And in order to celebrate? Not a trip to Furrs, but a run up in Mike Myers Park!! 'cause that is how I roll!