Day 137 What The Real Problem Is

So I got some really great comments on my post from this morning. I think Sean may have struck a chord with his though. I will say this. I knew in my head I was making this past weekends eating behavior waaaay worse than it was in reality. I did great 90% of the time, and my transgressions were really honestly insignificant. I can honestly say that apart from Thanksgiving day, I never once busted 2000 calories a day any of the weekend days, but since my goal is 1500 a day, I was "failing". By all accounts, I think we would all safely say that 2000 calories a day is not evidence of a binge eater! So why was I so down on myself over that? Sean nailed it for me. It was a glimpse into the past, a look at the old Shane that made me uncomfortable. Without any hard evidence to back it up, I would guess that the old Shane would have easily broken 3500 calories each and every one of the days I was getting 2000, and the old Shane would have never walked 5 miles a day on all those days off, 6.5 miles on accident on one of the days! So I think I will take the harsh feelings about my "failure", and put them away. Having a good day today helped me out a lot. No wagons were fallen off of, no melt down ensued after my "failure". In fact, I had an exceptional day of exercise and eating. I showed myself that I am not the old Shane, I am this Shane. This is the norm, not this past weekends behavior. Although I still need to do some tweeking on this Shane, he is a damn sight better than the guy that walked into this blog a little over 4 months ago, and he is getting better every day!

I really would like to thank all of you who left comments this morning for keeping me centered and being supportive. It means a lot to me that you care enough to help me see the big picture and not wallow in my failure. Thanks so much for being there for me!

No Day Count, Just a Post of Reaffirmation

It is Monday morning after Thanksgiving. This post is not my usual day count and what not. It is one for me more than anything. I need to get things into words. I am not upset with how this weekend went. I made 90% good choices foodwise. I was 100% exercise wise. It is that 10% that has me bothered. No choices I made were bad this weekend. I did have sweets. I had two spoonfulls of pecan pie twice, a slice of peanut butter pie, but I had a complete small Dairy Queen Blizzard on the way home yesterday on a day I was kicking ass foodwise. Again, I KNOW I did good overall. What worries me is that even though my decisions were conscious decisions, not mindless, I may have rationalized them. I was famous for it before, I don't need that again. I never worried about being off the wagon, as I know I will be back to business starting today. I just worry that I said to myself " i made waaay more good decisions, the few bad ones are insignificant. It is a holiday and a visit with friends, this is not your everyday life". Yes both are true, but I really had high hopes going in to this that I would totally kick ass, not mostly kick ass. The good news, I have a do over coming my way with Christmas. It is not that I am mad at myself, I just need to know that I CAN do it. I have to know that push come to shove, I WILL be able to kick ass during a trying time. Again, I have total faith that in normal times, I am good. Starting today, I will be back to business as usual. I already got my weight work out in this morning, I am fixing to get out to Wal Mart for my usual morning walk. I just have some regrets about the opportunity to KICK ASS that I missed this go around.

Day 134 Hot 100 Update, Ruminations About My Thanksgiving Goal

Howdy folks, I am getting around to posting much earlier than usual. Kathy took her mom out to do some shopping. When she gets back, I suspect we will be leaving for Texas shortly after that. So I thought I would get this in now.

For my Hot 100 update, I would say score! Even with Thanksgiving factored in, I am on goal all the way around. No white bread, even when faced with the yeast rolls I love so much. A ton of veggies and even more fruit here lately. I have walked the 5 miles I planned on every day I have been off work and school. Aaaaaand I think that with my plan to counteract going over my calories on Thanksgiving, I will see a good loss come December 3rd!

I am not mad at myself over my going 500 over on calories yesterday. I wish I had kept myself in the confines, but on the other hand, I did go over deliberately, not mindlessly. And had I not gotten into the sweets, I was actually good I think. But I don't generally get sweet stuff and it all looked so good. I may be rationalizing, but you know, I KNOW by experience that one day off doesn't affect me really. I have had a couple of melt downs and never faltered getting back on plan. I can't see one good reason to be downtrodden. IN fact, I am excited. I love a good challenge, and now I am going to be working extra hard for Friday's weigh in to be a success! I did learn something today that has me thinking of changing up my workouts. I moved the treadmill into our spare room where I work out. If I am going to keep getting up at 4 or 4:30, then I am fixing to add some walking on the treadmill before I leave for work and still at Wal Mart when I drop off Lauren. I spend about an hour just farting around on the computer every morning while I drink coffee and I think that time could be better spent walking before my weight workout. I got a 5 mile walk in on it this morning, and it was great because I set it at one speed and don't slow down ever, no matter how tired I am. I liked it this morning! I knocked off 6 minutes because I had the treadle going the same speed and would not turn it down, unlike when I get tired and slow down without noticing. I can just see it now folks, 210 on December 31st!!

Day 133 A Little Short Of My Goal

Well I guess even planning doesn't always get you EXACTLY where you want to be every time. I would up being about a 1000 over my usual calorie bank. I am not worried or ashamed about it. I made good choices and did indulge in an appropriate amount. I got full, but only because I do not eat much at a time anymore and it affected me greatly to eat a real meal of that size. I am however still on track for another day of lower than usual calorie intake, and I think I may extend that policy to the end of the weekend. I think if I can keep myself in the 1250 calorie a day range, I will be on par for where I want to be at the December 3 weigh in.

All that being said, this day is not about my weight loss or food or shopping as seems to have taken over this time of year. It is about family, friends and well giving thanks! I am so glad that I got to do all three this year. My family came for their annual pop in, eat, and leave routine. I wish that they would visit a little more but it is what it is. I did however get to go hang around with my friend Jason and his family and watch the Cowboy game. I have to say, that was quite the nail biter. I love game that gives you butterflies in your stomach in the fourth quarter. I was initially mad at Roy, but in reality, he didn't really do anything wrong,that was exceptional effort on the defenders part. Jason and Izetta and Kathy and I and all the children had a blast just hanging out and acting like fools. I feel like the Hunters are our family too. I only wish we could have gotten some time with the Fredricks this year too, but it was not to be.

Well I am going to get off here and get to bed. Ya'll have a wonderful evening, and a great weekend. I am off to Texas tomorrow to visit with Kathy's peeps, I don't know that I will be posting regularly, so if I am in cognito, ya'll have a wonderful weekend and I will see you on the other side of it!

Day 132 Score One For Shane!

I know I posted about getting 5 days off, and really I do have 5 days of no physically going to school and no going to work. But this 5 days is hardly me getting to goof off or really relax a great deal. I spent my first day off being pretty productive in general. I have a paper that is supposed to be a group project. The group has been less than useful to date, so I began some research in earnest last week. Well I gathered a great deal of info and began putting it together this past Sunday. I got about 2/3 done but ran out of time, so today I got it done, or at least the body of it. I am going to do the citations page tomorrow and try to get a power point for the presentation started. I also got the Christmas tree and the tree decorations down for tomorrow's festivities. Kathy and Lauren and I always put the tree up after Thanksgiving dinner. Well I put the tree together, they decorate it, I guess. but it is a family affair.

So in prep for Thanksgiving, ya'll recall me talking about my 5 miles a day challenge for myself I am sure. And I also planned on giving myself and extra 500 calories to navigate the day with. I thought up just one more wrinkle today while getting my walk in. I decided to take 250 from today's bank and 250 calories from Friday's bank to even out the excess. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get myself down to 1250 calories, especially considering the extra activity I planned and especially with today's extra activity I did not plan. Lauren and I went on a nice length bike ride and did a lot of racing during it, then we climbed up and down the attic stairs dragging the tree and boxes of decorations, then a Wii tournament. It has been much easier than I imagined to stay below 1250 calories! I just moved some eating times around, cut some stuff out I normally eat, and had a super good supper and voila, 1200 calories for today! I also plan on moving a few calories around tomorrow to allow me to eat at a reasonable level for the actual thanksgiving meal. I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to be successful given today's triumph! So score one for the Shane-meister! Day 1 is a win!!

Day 131 Bizarro Closet!

It finally got here! I am off work and don't have to go to school for 5 days!!! I still have a paper to work on, but no chapters to read, no quizzes to take, no pleadings to type, and no pressure from clients. I hope to finish my paper before Turkey Day, and that will leave me a little less pressured on it. And I am looking forward to a Texas trip this weekend. I do love our Texas folks and visiting them is always a blast! It will also add a dimension to my 5 mile a day challenge. I will have to figure out how I am gonna get them in in a foreign place! I bet I am up to it!

So Sunday evening, I got this burr under my saddle. I had been thinking about how stuffed my side of the closet is right now. I have quite a few clothes over there, so I was thinking I needed to go thru and see what I can and can't wear. I got up, walked in there and just did it. I had the wildest time! I got rid of piles and piles of t shirts, polos, dress shirts, and pants! It was weird to see so many clothes leave for BEING TOO BIG!!!! I tend to be putting away the last size I just outgrew and thinking those were the good ol' days! I know clothes are clothes, but they mean so much more when you are on a lifestyle change plan. They are kind of an outward indication of how successful you have been, they are your reward for being successful, cause let's call a spade a spade, fat clothes are not typically made to be sexy! And who doesn't love the fact that you can go into Wal Mart and look at the sizes that don't cost the extra $2 for extended sizes. Oh another story. I was in Wal Mart the other day. Historically, I would see a shirt I liked, rifle through the rack to see if they had that shirt in 3X, find out they didn't, grumble about prejudice against fat people and move on. So I find this set of shirts I liked, began to rifle through the rack in excitement cause there is always and XL!! I will be damned if there was not one XL, but tons of 2X and 3X!! I had to laugh!

I am sitting around here hyper as hell tongight! I laid off the walking today for two reasons. I wanted to rest up for the challenge of the next 5 days and I had been walking for either 3 weeks or a month straight at least 2 miles everyday but usually closer to 4. My legs needed it. The other reason I chose to hold off was to prove to myself I don't have an addiction to walking. I was seriously starting to wonder. Well I guess not expending the energy has got me totally wound up! I am dreaming of my feet hitting the road tomorrow morning and getting that first 5 miles in! I am borderline obsessed over this thing!

Ok, I am going to try to go to bed folks. I should see you tomorrow for sure but I make no promises about the rest of the weekend. I am sure I will post, but not for sure. If I don't see you guys, have a great Thanksgiving!! Make smart choices and see about getting your exercise in regardless of the circumstances!

Day 130 The School Bus

Monday Monday! Only one more day of work and I am so off for 5 days! wow! Needed that.

Ok, I am betting this NSV I am about to disclose is common to all of my bloggy buddies. I could be wrong. Let's see.

So I don't work on Fridays, so I take Lauren to school and head either back home or to Wal Mart for work. I drive right by 2/3's of the schools in Van Buren and typically at some point, I get caught behind a bus somewhere. So I got stuck behind one on Friday. I always get a little nervous behind those things when there are kids in the back seat. And I bet each and every one of you knows why. That fear. The fear that these kids, who can do pretty much whatever they want, noticing you and making gestures or writing rude notes and putting them in the window for you to read, etc etc. As a fat person, you are fair game. I have gotten all the common ones, the monkeying a fat guy, blown up cheeks, "hey fatty!" on notebook paper. Yeah. So as an instinct, I braced myself for something to be thrown my way. Then I remembered by Arvest Bank drive thru experience, how I saw my self in the camera image, and I wasn't that guy anymore! Suddenly, I was excited once again about my progress! I didn't have to put up with kids with the ultimate anonymity harassing me, attacking my self confidence, devaluing me because I am fat. It is great!

Anybody else have stories like that? Let's hear them!

Day 129 Wondering About Thanksgiving Day

Oh what a weekend! I was stuck being academic all weekend.I got a ton of research done on my paper, got my chapter read, tested over it, read two essays and answered the questions over those, and then got a fair deal of the paper started. I also got my honey do's done too today except getting the Christmas tree down out of the attic. I just ran out of time (to be read that I didn't want to) so it will come down one day this week.

I was out walking this morning (again) and it kind of occurred to me that I will likely be the star of my own show this Thursday. In our family, it is all about stuff yourself to the gills on Thanksgiving day and then go back for more that evening once it processes. Well I don't plan on getting nuts at all. In fact, I am only going to allow 500 extra calories and I don't KNOW that I will do that. But I promise, every one here will be watching me to see how I handle this. They may not say anything, but I promise, eyes will be cutting and seeing what my plate looks like when I start eating. I bet once I set the fork down, once more, eyes will come my way. I don't know what they expect to see, but I know what they will see. Me doing just fine thank ya.

I am not ready for Monday yet, but I am looking forward to getting the day off on Wednesday and hanging with my Lauren! I also look forward to my 5 mile days challenge!! I am dorky for it I know, but it still makes me happy to think of it.

Day 128 Dawne Tagged Me

So Dawne, one of my favoritest bloggers, tagged me for the Honest Scrap Iron award. I am to write 10 honest things about myself then tag four more bloggers. I am not sure I am up to the challenge, but I will take a whack at it.

1. I have had a whale of a family life and often wondered how I turned out relatively "normal" I was adopted twice, the second time by my birth mother, suffered physical and mental abuse, never really knew any amount of my family throughout my adolescence. I did however have a absolutely AWESOME network of friends and their parents, which I do credit with keeping me out of the trouble I could have been getting into.

2. I really am pretty smart. I maintained straight A's through the 11th grade in high school, but my senior year, I checked out. I ended my tenure with a 2.75 GPA after failing every class I did not need to graduate from high school my senior year. I also missed out on a scholarship to college over that mess.

3. I screwed up several opportunities over the years to go back to school and I blame that on my love of money. I got "good paying" jobs out of high school and partied my money away rather than saving it for school.

4. I have always been very very fortunate in the friends department. I make very good friends and we always support each other through thick and thin. I may not have had great ties with my biological family, but my friends have been all the family I have ever needed many times.

5. I wish I could be musical! Nothing else in the world touches me more than a great drum solo, a soulful piano, or a mean electric guitar riff! I think if I had to choose and could be great at one instrument, it would be the piano. So many styles of music sound good on a piano. You can rock it out, you can touch hearts with a classical style, you can church it up with some worship music, the piano is just so versatile!

6. Being in a good marriage is everything I thought it could be and more! I spent much of my life chasing the wrong girl, and luckily, God didn't let me catch any of them for too long. I had this dream of a great marriage, and knowing what I know of those girls now, I am thankful God made me wait for Kathy!!

7. Being a parent, even if it is a step dad, is so rewarding! It has its frustrations too, but the rewards far outweigh the challenges! I love Lauren McGill so much and to see her grow and transform over the past 4 years has been and honor and a blessing that I cannot express how happy it makes me to have.

8. I am an uber confident person, and sometimes that bothers me. I don't like cocky people, and I am never verbal about my confidence in my ability to do various things, but I still feel like I should be more humble. I struggle with thinking that it is ok, heck even a good trait to be confident, but I just don't want to get too big for my britches.

9. I am getting a bald spot on the back of my head, and I don't care. I have a luscious full head of hair when I grow it out, but that one bald spot. I get grief from Kathy and Mom about it, but the thing is, I don't care. I have said more than once, if I go bald, it is one less thing I have to worry about!

10. This journey, this wonderful weight loss journey, is an answered prayer from God. I am so thankful. I am already leaning on Him to answer my second prayer related to weight loss, maintenance. He has already touched my heart with a word about maintenance. God has told me I need to be just as excited about my achievements in maintenance as I have been in loss. That is such a great idea! I think that is where the day counting will come in. I am going to give myself a 5 pound range to stay within in maintenance, and celebrate every day I stay within that range!

So there you have it folks, the ABC's of me. I am not fo' sho' who I am going to tag yet. I may take a page from Dawne and ponder it for a day or two.

In regular news, I had an huge success tonight. Kathy and I ate at our favorite mexican restaurant tonight. I ordered the taquitos with chicken in them and a salad, pico de gallo, and guac on the side. When the plate arrived, it was in portions of food that in the past, I would have scoffed at and proceeded to order a la carte so I could have enough food. Tonight, those portions looked normal to me! That was a great feeling specifically because I needed to be successful outside of the home, where I control the portions of food I eat. Oh happy day!

Day 127 Hot 100 Update And A Milestone For Me

It is Friday! I love having Fridays off from work. It is kinda rough on the pocket book, but man. So today started off with a bang for me. It is weigh in day. I wrote about how nervous I was last night, had that feeling like right before you take the field, nervous, jittery, butterflies in the stomach kind of stuff. Well, I took the field this morning and it turns out, I won!!! I am too lazy to go look back, but I am pretty sure I talked at some point about setting my next goal weight to be 228, but during one of my morning walking sessions, I kept seeing 226. It must have been God sending me early results, cause I made it to 226 pounds this week!! I now KNOW I weigh less right now than I ever weighed during the 2000-2001 era I talk about so much when I lost like 73 pounds. I honestly can't recall if I got down to 233 or 237 pounds at that time, but I do know I never got to the 220's!!! And it seems like my senior year, the last weigh in we had, I was 219. Again, I can't recall for sure, but that seems right. So my next goal is now to get down to 218 pounds. I know that is a lofty goal, as I have been losing fairly large amounts of weight at a time, and that will have to slow down sooner or later. I just keep steeling myself for that day so that I do not go into a spiral of disappointment. But for now, I am going to shoot for the moon and keep my next goal at 218. I now have to set my mind as to how I am going to get there. I think that my Thanksgiving week plan to get a ton o' walking in is a good step in that direction. I have also found a new obsession with trying to build up my jogging ability and working on getting squats done too. I suspect that in all that activity, along with some great eating, I will give myself a good outside shot at getting to my next goal.

Now on to my Hot 100 update. I have what I think may be a no no on it this time. I will need a ruling though. I ate a Fresco Chicken Burrito Supreme from Taco Bell for supper the other night. Not thinking about the tortilla. Since one of my goals is to not eat white bread, I have to wonder, is a tortilla a form of white bread? It slipped past me when I ordered it and Kathy thought of it while we were eating. Not that if it is, that derails me, I just need to know for future reference. As for the 5k goal, still using the edit of getting copious amounts of walking in, but I did do a little test jog last night on the treadmill and I got a half mile in and really did feel like I could have done more. I just leave room for improvement, it drives me on to strive for better. My fruits and vegetable have been up a little this week. I added an orange to my afternoon snack regimen. It is cold and flu season and the added vitamin C cant hurt right? Now for the crazy thing. I have officially blown away my original weight loss goal of 240, and now have passed up my edit of 230. Keeping in mind that this challenge goes on until December 31, I am not too sure what to set my end goal as giving consideration to the fact that I continue to lose at a fairly good rate. As I said above, at some point that is going to have to slow down. So here is my new goal. I just added it up and I have three more weigh ins between now and Dec 31. I am currently at 226 pounds. I think it is realistic to go ahead and shoot for 210 pounds by Dec 31. What do ya'll think?

Day 126 Butterflies In My Stomach!

I will get right to it. I am nervous as hell. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I have myself all worked up right now. I am hoping I have done enough to have lost at least 5 pounds this last two weeks. I so desperately want to be in the 220's right now. It would for sure, no doubt about it, be the least I have weighed since 2001 and maybe as light as I have been since I was 20.That would be huge!! So this feels like right before you take the field, only it is kinda backwards. I have to see if I won based on what I did do, not on what I am about to do.

I have a habit of thinking ahead a couple of months when I am walking in the mornings. For some reason, I skipped a few months today. I went straight to July. I was skinny, tan and moving around just fine thank ya! I think that the ability to think ahead is one of the keys to my success so far. You have to look past the pain, the frustration, the soreness and tiredness and understand that in one week, this workout or this hunger or this emotional state will be less powerful, your strength, your courage, your determination will be gaining power, and that 1 mile of walking won't be enough for you. You will need two, then three, then five. That 2000 calories bank you try to stick to out of fear, goes down to 1800 and then 1500. This story is mine in a nutshell. I saw all of it happen too. I forecast it in my early days. I could just feel it happening, even before it happened. That is how the thoughts of maintenance have started already, I want to envision maintenance and make it real too.

I apologize for kinda rambling but I am just nervous and excited and scared and hopeful tonight. I would appreciate any good thoughts ya'll could send my way.

Day 125. Arvest Drive Thru Cameras Are Great!!!

Hello fellow bloggers. I am pretty excited today. I had me some turkey chili that I cooked myself and it was yummo! I had my usual yogurt after supper too. I checked my blood sugar about 15 minutes later and it was 129!! Now to understand the significance of this statement, you have to understand. 4 months ago, on July 17, my blood sugar, after not having eaten for quite awhile, was like 278 I think. I think it is common knowledge that a blood sugar of that level is, well, not good. Heck, it is bad! A typical after meal blood sugar was usually well into the 300's! It is so great to keep seeing the wonderful changes! I checked my blood pressure AFTER my morning workout the other day, probably about 10 minutes after, and my bp was 118/72 with a 69 pulse! I mean wow guys! I love this!

To keep adding to things that make me excited, I had a super cool experience in the bank drive thru the other day. I took some money to deposit it at Arvest Bank, a local bank here. Well they have small screens that when you pull up, have a shot of you in them, then when the teller is interacting with or talking to you, it cuts to a picture of them. So I pulled up to the transaction box and looked at that screen, it was amazing! I remember pulling up to that screen on many occasions and being upset with my appearance. That day, that wonderful day, I looked like a "normal" guy to me! No huge belly hanging out in front of me, no double chin, I even looked kinda suave in my sunglasses and with my hair gelled!

All that being said, I still find it hard to let myself get happy about the physical stuff. I feel like I am being vain. Vanity is one of my pet peeves, so as you can imagine, it bothers me to think I am being vain. Is there a fine line between being proud of your accomplishments and being vain? I don't know. I just know that now, as opposed to the past, I don't feel awkward when I walk through Wal Mart, kids don't stare at me with some sort of awe. People don't do the breaking eye contact thing, I don't feel inferior to some skinny guy in an Under Armour shirt. Am I where I want to be yet? No, not even close, but sometimes, you have to stop and take inventory and say, humm not bad. Have you stopped to take stock? Have you had that Arvest drive thru moment? Tell me all about it.

Ok, below is a picture of me and my buddy Jason. In this picture, I am around 300, give or take:

In this picture, I am around 255. Not really a great picture other than it shows some progress:

and here is my new favorite picture, Sean Anderson and myself on November 15, 2010:

So there you go folks. A brief history of my journey.

Day 124 Triump In The Midst Of Tragedy

First and foremost, thanks so much to those that offered condolences on the passing of my beloved puppy Scooter. It means so much that ya'll cared to take time out of your day to acknowledge the loss of my Scooter. I love you guys.

But, as is so often true, if you look for the silver lining in the darkest cloud, there is one to be found. I discovered something about myself that made me very proud and that proved to me how much I have changed over the past 4 months. I don't hesitate or hang my head in shame to say that I was emotionally distraught over Scooter's passing. I cried tears a plenty and am not ashamed to say it. It took me till after lunch today to get myself gathered enough to think of all the good times and realize that Scooter is in heaven now with all my loved ones. Even though it was not my time to go yet, it was Scooter's. And now my loved ones have a very important part of me to hold on to and play with until I see them and Scooter again in the great by and by. However, in all that, I never once had the old urge to eat my pain away. 5 months ago, once I had shoveled the last shovel full of dirt and cried, I would have come directly inside, dialed up Dominoes Pizza, and ate that pain down as far as it could go. I do not exaggerate when I say that my first desire, the first thing I thought once I got settled in and realized that it was for real, was I can't wait for tomorrow's workouts. I really need to get my weight lifting and walking on to deal with my emotions. I found myself wishing it wasn't so late so I could go for a long lonely walk and process. I have replaced food as an insulator and chosen to exercise and deal. That folks is a huge step. It is like monkey's using tools!

I also have been concerned that with all the walking I have been doing, I am getting my legs in too good of shape and they aren't feeling the work out of a 2 or 3 mile walk. I decided that today, I would try to get some squats done during my weight workout to wear my legs out before walking. I was shocked at how much better my form was and how much easier it was to do squats with 63 pounds gone off of me! It was so neat. I just kept going and going and wound up with 40. Could have done more but I wanted to save my legs since it was 4 mile day.

I had to think quick and made a less than great choice for supper tonight. I am in the unenviable position of dealing with my own emotions regarding Scooter's death, I am also nursing Lauren along as she is crushed, now Kathy is down with the stomach flu today and I had a presentation I had to do for my class tonight. Add to that the fact that Lauren was supposed to go to basketball practice and Girl Scouts tonight and I was feeling stressed. So on the way home, Kathy had asked me to pick up stuff to help with her stomach condition and to feed Lauren from the Wal Mart Deli. So knowing I was running tight on time and there was not a meal awaiting me at home, I picked up a half pound of the General Tso's chicken from the deli for my supper. I did eat it all but I was at like 700 calories at the time, so I am not overly concerned about having gone over. I think I estimated it at 500 for the whole batch. chicken alone would be 320, and the sauce was very light, so I think 500 sounds about right. Yogurt and peanut butter celery rounded me out for the evening and it looks like a 1420 calorie kind of day for me! Now once I button this blog up, I am looking at going to sleep and starting off tomorrow with a much better outlook than today and getting me some more exercise in. It is weigh in week, so I best be on my best good behavior!!

Day 123 RIP Scooter Griffin

I am extremely sad tonight. My dog Scooter was hit and killed. I just finished burying him and saying good bye. I will miss him so much. He was so young and vibrant and fresh. He kept our old fat dog, Elwood, young as can be expected. I don't know how the family will adjust to losing him. I love you Scooter Griffin, and will never forget you.

It doesn't seem relevant right now, but I had a great day diet and exercise wise. I am so looking forward to tomorrow, even more now than ever, to get to the walking and exercise tomorrow. It will help me work through the emotions of losing my buddy.

Day 122 Numbers Are Evil

Great Sunday evening to my folks! I don't know if anybody even noticed, but I did not put up a blog last night or this morning. I had a birthday party for Lauren and between getting my walk in, getting the house put together for her party, getting her to another party that started before hers, getting her back for her party and then being the entertainment for her party, I just let time get away from me ( to be read a passed out on the sofa while Kathy took over the entertainment at about 10) and a blog was not to be for day 121. This morning, I actually slept in some and as such, I had to get myself coffeed up and get my walk in. I had a bunch of homework to do, so I had to get that part taken care of. I got to get outside and walk though. I found my gloves that I used to ride my motorcycle with yesterday, so I used those, the starter jacket I fit now, my hoodie and my hat Kathy made me to keep me warm for 5 whole miles.

Doing my walk today, I had a thought about something. Numbers. Numbers can really mess with you can' they? For example, I remember the first time I made the decision to start walking 3 miles on the weekend days, it scared the heck out of me. Now 3 miles a day is a short day if I have anything to say about it. To carry it out even further, check this out. I walk 5 miles no matter how I get it right? Well when I got up yesterday, it was cold and windy and blustery and I decided to get my walk in at Wal Mart in the comfort of a climate controlled environment. However, I usually do 12 laps at the most in there. For some reason, even though five miles is five miles, I got a bit overwhelmed thinking i had to make 20 laps around my "track" to be done. When I walk around the block, it is only 10 times. Same five miles, but the number attached to it messed with me. I have a couple of blog friends that have expressed frustration with their scale progress at their last weigh in even though they have been good diet and exercise wise. I get that. It is another one of those numbers tricks. In your head, that number is just wonky! Really? I did all that and no number change? I dare say this. Regardless of whether that number changed, changes were made. I bet you are, granted without an objective way to measure immediately, in better shape than you were last weigh in. I bet you are down in inches, if you were to have measurements to go by. I bet you have a better grip on healthy habits than you did a week ago. I guess where I am going with this is that don't let the numbers intimidate or discourage you. There was progress in that past week. Just because the number you base progress on is not cooperating, don't let those evil numbers get the last laugh. Keep in mind, there WAS progress.

I had the distinct honor of meeting one Mr. Sean Anderson about an hour ago folks. It was great! Sean is just such a great guy! We visited for about a half hour or so as we shared a snack at my local Wendy's. I really enjoyed having the ear of and talking to the person that untangled this mess for me and set me on Transformation Road way. We even took a picture together. It was unfortunate that it was a short visit, bit I am glad to have had the honor to meet Sean. I hope to get to see him a few more times considering our close proximity. We both hoped that soon, I would be able to come visit him one morning and he plans to put me on the air! I would frikkin love that! I have a fascination with morning radio shows, and that would be like a dream come true for me! So here is the picture I got of me an Sean. He has another I suspect we will see on his blog later.

 So there you go folks asking for a picture!!  That is what I was waiting for!

Day 120 Shhhhhhhhh! I Had A Bowl Of Cereal!! Hot 100 Update

Good Friday to mah peeeples! I have been a busy bee today and once again I broke my rule of no exercise on Friday. I had to go to Wal Mart for some supplies for the party tomorrow and lo and behold, the allure was just to great. I hit a quick two miles while there. Funny thing is, I got an unintended work out as well after that. I came home and decided that I would rather do physical labor than to do homework (I know tough choice, right?) so I got to work getting the floor trim that Kathy had painted awhile back put back on the wall. I didn't notice right away, but I made a wonderful discovery! Each time I got down on the floor on my belly to line up the trim and then to nail it in, I got up so quickly, effortlessly and easily!! This being lighter and in better shape it turns out is pretty damn cool!!! Which leads me to my Hot 100 Update. Cruising along folks. I don't way until next Friday but I suspect that I will be below my edited weight loss goal of 230 pounds. I have actually added even more fruits to my diet, still steady with the vegetable intake. I have been walking slightly more than I had last week, trying to get an average of 4 miles a day in on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Still plan on 5 miles on Saturdays and Sundays. And no white bread either! I love this challenge Steve! I credit it with my success in these last days! It forced me to look at aspects of my journey that I was not focused on before!

So I have been preaching that I eat whatever I want in this diet for awhile now. But, I kinda discovered that is not always true. I have began to deny myself things along the way. I am not saying I deserve these things, but I kinda wonder if that is not one of the root causes of the two mini melt downs I have had over the last month and a half. I have kinda turned into a food snob, and not saying that is a bad thing, but the reality is I do like food. I just need to redefine my relationship with it. So today, I built me a treat into my calorie bank. I decided that I would have a bowl of cereal after supper. Not my Special K cereal mind you, but the sugary cereal Lauren has had around for awhile. I had plenty of room left on the bank, as I have had here lately, so I used it to have a cup of cereal and a cup of mild for my night snack. I have to admit I worried about having guilt or a full on melt down, but truth be told, it was just cereal. It was good, but it didn't waken a monster in me. I enjoyed it rather than eating it mindlessly and when it was done, that was that. So good to have that mentality! I think the food demons are really being exorcised this time around. I have figured out that I can enjoy food, but I must actually ENJOY it, not shovel it into my mouth mindlessly. And of course there must be moderation in my enjoyment.

I was thinking about a funny statement I recall making on waaay more than one occasions and wondering if I was the only person in this blogosphere that has said this before. I used to always see somebody in Wal Mart or the mall or at a restaurant that was overweight, but they were just slightly overweight. They had a belly, but just a small beer gut kinda thing going on. I would say to myself "man, I wish I was just that fat!" Has anybody else ever did that? I guess looking back, it is a funny thing to wish to only be a certain level of fat. And truth be told, I think I am presently "just that fat". But here is the thing. I am not satisfied being "just that fat". Now, I want to achieve a healthy weight, not be "just that fat". I feel that desire in my heart and in my soul. I envision it during my walks, during my weight lifting and when I day dream while driving. I see the healthy trim and fit Shane of the future. I have some flaws still in the day dream, but I am healthy, happy and smiling in this vision! "Just that fat" is not an option in this vision. Healthy is the end goal now.

Day 119 Thoughts Of Maintenance Already

Folks I have to say, I had an awesome day today. I took Lauren to her first Division I college basketball game. My friend Wayne had some free tickets through his job and he invited Lauren and I to go with his daughter Maddie and himself to go watch the Razorbacks play an exhibition game at Bud Walton Arena. It is one of the best college basketball arenas in the nation. The girls immediately loved it when we walked in as it is an architectual masterpiece in, at least in my mind. We had a blast watching the game. Lauren took great interest in the game, and she is apparently a natural born cheerleader because she modified almost all of her football cheers she learned this year to fit for the Razorback basketball team! And she was a pro at calling the Hogs by the end of the night, it made me so proud!

I was also proud of myself for having navigated a day that was not one of my usual structured days with good choices in food and quantities to keep me at my preferred 1500 calories or below level. I had lunch with the girls I used to work with at my old law firm. We had a great time catching up at the local Cuban restaurant. This place has wonderful healthy choices for their lunch menu. I had a charbroiled chicken breast, a small potato with stuffed with just a slight bit of guac, and maybe a quarter cup of yellow rice for lunch. The chicken breast was like 6 ounces, so I halfed it and took the rest for left overs. The rice I eventually wound up throwing most of it out. I did eat the potato but my research showed it to be like 70 calories, so that was a nice discovery. I knew we were going to be leaving from my office to go up to Fayetteville, so I saved my left overs to eat right before we left. My thought process was I eat before we leave and two goals are met. I have eaten and it was food I know the calorie values for already, so I don't get tempted by the drive thru stop that was likely on the way or the game food, which is always yummy! And secondly, I saved some money, because drive thru or game food is not usually all that cheap! I figured if Lauren was hungry, I could feed her at one of the two places for fairly cheap and I would be tied over till we got home tonight. It was a well planned out and well executed plan!! I pulled it off to a tee!! So all told, I had a total of 1395 calories after a waaay outside my routine day! I love those days! It gives me hope for the future!

Continuing along that vein, I have had maintenance on my mind a lot here lately. I never planned to take the weight off this quickly in my planning stages. I suspect that at some point I will slow down, but nevertheless, I am waaaay ahead of my schedule at this point. So as I am learning that planning is the key in this journey, I have began to try to formulate some plan for what I want to do weight maintenance wise when I get to that weight I feel is the right one. I have thought about dialing down the exercise some to weight maintenance levels, I have debated about upping my daily calorie allowance for weight maintenance levels, I have thought about how often I want to weigh in so I can moderate my weight. all these things need to be thought out BEFORE you get to where yu are going. Every time in the past, I only was focused on getting to a weight, once I got there, it was Ollie Ollie Oxen Free baby! I began the terrible eating habits all over again because I had gotten to my end goal without a maintenance plan. So I am stemming the tide now by trying to plan ahead and be ready to employ a maintenance plan. I do know this, any plan is better than none. In life and work, I have come to find the first plan in something like this is never the best plan. Inevitably you will change it when you begin the debugging process. I have yet to ever get a plan right the first time, so I don't suspect the maintenance plan I come up with will be the final one this time, but I think the important thing is, I AM PLANNING AHEAD FOR MAINTENANCE! Do you know what else my planning ahead for maintenance means? I have presupposed my success in weight loss! That is a great feeling and like I have said so many times before, the future vision is the key to success. Not the two days from now vision, but the 2 weeks, 2 months, and 2 years from now vision. It helps keep me moving forward every day. One of the things I like to do when I am walking is think how much better I feel and look right this moment, and then start envisioning this walk and how i will have changed by January, then again in April and then how good I will look and feel walking down the aisle at my graduation! I was so disappointed in my picture for my Associates Degree graduation. I though the big ol' robe woudl kinda hide my obesity some, but it did not. I will be so much happier to see this picture I am betting!

I have been sitting on an NSV for a week now. Not sure how I have left it out of all my posts to date as I was so super uber excited about it when it happened. Kathy and I had to take a trip to the new resale shop in Fort Smith last week for a very special trip to me. I finally admitted that my XXL shirts were making me look ridiculous as they were all just too big on me. So we went to Savers and bough me 4 XL shirts and a pair of size 36 jeans!!!!! I have never been excited about clothes shopping before, but this was a super special trip for me! I will always remember that day for years to come. I thought so much about the fact that from this point forward, I can shop for shirts so much easier! I have been having trouble in the recent past with finding the bigger shirts in styles I like. Now I can buy those shirts I see that are fashionable but don't go above a XL!! Glory to God, Hallelujah!! Woo!!

Day 118 I Just Want To Give Them What I Have

I think I have talked about it enough that it is common knowledge that I go to Wal Mart in the mornings before work and get 2 miles of walking in. As you can imagine, I see a lot of people wile walking around the store. I have to admit, a great deal of those people are overweight, some are obese like me. There is one gentleman I see in particular on a fairly regular basis. I am pretty sure he works there, but is off and just bs'ing around the store. So I cannot tell how old he is for sure but I would guess early 40's, maybe mid to late 40's. Anyway, he reminds me of me, he is social, jovial typically good spirited. He also reminds me of me in that he has the affliction of having all his weight being carried in his belly. I know I am not skinny now, but I also know that he is probably as close to representative of what I was 63 pounds ago. He is not one of the many regulars I talk to all the time now. I kinda wish he was though. I want him to stop me, talk to me, and start asking questions. I want to use my salesman's skills to pump him up about the idea of getting on the road to weight loss. Since I know from experience that if I stopped and started that conversation, it would likely be met with polite stonewalling. I would have done it. So then I start thinking. Wouldn't it be neat if you were able to be like Jesus with his healing touch? If you could put your hands on one of those people and just let what you have inside you flow to them. Let them tap into your resolve, let them learn what you have learned, let them get one step closer to a life that is not haunted by obesity, inability to do those things everyone does around you. It would be so cool if that was possible.

Lately, I have been back to day dreaming about going back to Silver Dollar City in April or whenever they open the rides up and being able to confidently get in each line for each ride with zero apprehension about fitting in the ride!! In fact, I have added a day dream of a day at Six Flags doing the same thing! I especially want to spend as much time as possible riding Superman, and Batman and Mr. Freeze and Titan.... heck I guess all the rides at Six Flags! I bet I could fit them all now, but I want to be even thinner than now before I try. In fact, that is about the time I hope to be down to 197 or possibly lower. How cool would that be?

Day 117 We Are A Team

Second great day in a row back on track, focused and moving forward after Sunday's mess. I walked hard twice today, once at Wal Mart and once at the track at lunch. I got a total of 4 1/2 miles altogether today! I am going to try to get at least 4 miles a day from now on excepting Monday. I think two miles on Monday as a recovery will be just fine.

I have noticed that slowly but surely, my calorie count just keeps creeping down down down. I am now getting in the 1300s on a fairly regular basis. I remember the anxiety that I got on start day of trying to stay below 2000 calories a day! How funny it is that with some good habit forming and new attitudes, I can get through the day on 1300 to 1400 calories. I am so happy to see this day come.

As I have talked about before, I was into organized sports when I was younger. There is still some jock in me I will tell you that. But the thing that I took from all those years is the joy of being on a team, the camaraderie. I loved that I knew my teammates had my back and I had theirs. That is what I have found here in blogland is another team! We are in this fight together, it is war and we are an army! We each go into battle every day and we all have each others back! Blogging is so great that way. It is that missing piece that many of us, myself included, have been missing all these years trying to do this alone. Now, we are an army! I want to thank each and every one of my followers, and especially the folks who are regular commenters, for all the support and the support you give me and the way you keep me movtivated! Thanks so much guys and gals.

Day 116 Getting Right Again

So yesterday is but a memory. I am back to where I need to be, I am on track. I had a good day today, it just took me getting back to my routine. I think that is what happened to me yesterday. I was waaaaay outside my comfort zone and routine was gone. I mean even though weekends are not very structured for me, I usually have something going on that keeps me busy. Not yesterday. In fact, I was left to my own devices just right before the melt down happened. I was watching football, half napping, and had nobody wanting anything from me or any pending tasks. I was inside my own head and that may have been my trigger. I don’t know, but I am now going to try to take measures. I didn’t know until the Saturday that I would be alone, so planning for that time was not employed by me. I am now going to start getting a better idea when I will be left to my own devices and planning activity around that so that I am not left idle and at risk for these incidents any more.
I will say this. My legs were fresh as fresh could be this morning! I walked an extra mile since I didn’t have to take Lauren to school and it was good for the whole three miles. My push up and core workout were more strenuous to me, but in a good way. I started feeling the normal come back as I did my workouts and then got my normal breakfast and snacks in this morning. I wonder, am I OCD maybe?
I was thinking on Friday that I would set my next goal at getting to 228. Not sure exactly why that number but I came up with it. I for some reason kept seeing the number 226 this morning when I was walking, so I wonder if that will be it? That would be 71 pounds and that would be awesome!!

Day 115 Full Scale Melt Down

I am here to report that Sunday was an epic fail for me. More troubling though is the fact that I can't point to a reason, no root cause is obvious. No finger pointing to be had. I was cruising along just fine all day until around 2 or so. I had been laying on the couch watching football and waiting for Kathy to come home so we could get a mile walk in to finish out my 5 miles for the day. I got up to go get some water in the kitchen and passed by Lauren's Halloween candy. I had not even thought about it even though I passed by it several times a day before, but this time, I got a small bag of skittles out and ate them, then another and a third. After that, I polished off the 4 biscuits and the gravy that was left over from the breakfast I cooked for Kathy! I was not mindlessly doing it, I knew all along it was not the best idea for me to do it, but I did it anyway! Worse more, Kathy brought home the nuts we had ordered through Lauren's Girl Scout troop and i had some of those too without counting the calories. I was, relative to the recent past, out of control folks. Now, I did stem the tide after that. I do feel back in complete control now. I have no doubts about my continued success from this point forward. I sat down and thought it over, and while I am disappointed in myself for letting that happen, there will be no self imposed beating. I will accept it for what it is, be mindful of my feelings towards this behavior, and move forward with my goals intact and my resolve possibly even stronger than before. I think that this blog, this forum for release, is possibly what was missing before in my other weight loss journeys. I have come to the conclusion based on my experiences in all facets of life, not just this journey, that if you keep quiet about things like this, if you allow them to permeate your thoughts with no relief valve, that is when you lose the battle, that is when you give your self doubt and self loathing power to change your resolve, too change your power position. Owning your actions and your future are very important, do not let them own you! So I come to you, my fellow Band of Brothers and Sisters, with this disclosure. I did a bad job today. I accept that, I own that. I also accept that it does not change me as a person, it does not own me and it will not affect my performance from this point forward. I am back on track, I am ready to continue this change in my life.

That being said, I consider the melt down a small part of a great week. I was dead on other than that with my eating, I walked a total of 24.5 miles this week, and I accomplished a great deal of housework this weekend. I also got some NFL time in today while Kathy was out taking care of Girl Scout business. I watched two full games and it was great! I still love my Cowboys, but I am keeping and eye on the Browns and the Raiders for the rest of this year as each has a running back from the University of Arkansas that are enjoying success right now and that makes me happy.

Looking at my schedule for this week it looks like I may be able to get about the same walking mileage this week. I am ramping up in anticipation of my Thanksgiving break challenge which will potentially leave me with 30 miles walked that week! I get all goose bumpy looking forward to that week! Am I a freak?

Ok, I am signing off here. I hope that each and every one of you has a great week and accomplishes all that you want to!!

Day 114 Hi, My Name is Shane........

and I am addicted to walking for exercise. You laugh, but Kathy and I were talking today, and I mentioned that I felt as though I had opened a door that couldn't be closed by trying to work out a little extra to get me in shape for Thanksgiving weekend's challenge to myself. I wondered if my 5 miles at once weekends were going to turn into more miles at a time. Kathy said she was going to have me committed if I started walking more than five miles at a time! I broke it to her gently that I had already considered the idea of 10.2 miles being my next increment based on the fact it is a 10k and all, but I would try to stop it there.

We went to dinner tonight with our best friends and it was great. A local restaurant was having a November special in which you get your choice of two meals on a list for 20 bucks. Now, this place is some great food, but it charges well for it's great food. So when the Hunter's called to tell us about it and ask us to go eat with them, I was ecstatic! So we did go and eat. I love that they had charbroiled catfish on the menu and they even gave me green beans as my side. I had enough calories left after supper to eat some yogurt and then I had an orange too. Stil didn't make it to 1500, so tomorrow, I may try to get a few extra calories in. I tried to tonight almost. Izetta offered me some of her chicken strips tonight and I had to turn them down. They are the really good sized and yummy chicken strips, but I just didn't have the heart after counting my calories and deciding that today would be a 1500 calories day.I am sliding in at 1370 calories and about to conk out and go to bed. I be tired dudes. Ya'll have a great what is left of your wkeekened!

Hot 100 Update And A Great Picture!

Ok, it is Friday and I have been posting my Hot 100 Update on Saturday mornings lately, so I decided to post the update on time this time. I am cruising right along on all but one of my original goals. I had to give up on the 5k time goal cause my ankles hurt too bad when I run. So the edited goal was to get high mileages in walking in. Last week I got 22.5 miles walking in. This week I have a total of 13.5 miles in so far, with plans for at least 10 more by weekends in, for a total of 23.5, so I am getting there on that goal. I amended my no break goal to no white bread or bread that is colored but still essentially white bread. Have been doing great on this one too. I am upset that my pitas are no longer at Wal Mart, but I did find a replacement in the whole wheat low card tortillas. I actually like their taste better so it worked out. I am still doing great on the veggies and fruits goal. I already have surpassed my get to 240 pounds goal, so I am going to edit it to getting below 225 I think. Which leads me to my next point. Weighed in this morning and got a great number on the scale:

another 8 pounds gone from Shane! Less of me to love but they get to love me for longer so it evens out!

Day 112 Me Versus Me

So I was walking this morning (shocker I know!) and I kinda had a thought. I am extremely competitive, sometimes too much so. Well, I had this thought. I am competing with myself on this journey. I know sounds strange, but hear me out. By going on this journey, I created a second identity. So now, the reality is I am two people now. I am still that guy that was an over eater, poor quality food eater, no exercising, sit behind the computer or tv for the whole weekend guy. I have not killed that guy. He could make a comeback at any time. I also have created the other guy, the watch those calories, get your weight training done, walk a few more miles, and blog blog blog guy. Those two people, they compete each and ever day, all day. I have to say that it is fun seeing the first guy getting his ass kicked. I love watching the second guy just shellack the other guy. It is great! I get this image of old me, battered, bruised, black eyed and limping. I just laughed a little when I typed it and visualized it. Oh this is great. You guys try it out!

So tomorrow is weigh in day for me. I am so excited. I always try to guess what my weight will be the next day. I have been pretty great on my eating, super great on my exercise and all this added together should see me go from 242 to 234 pounds. That is my guess. If not, so be it. I will still be aiming for 230 on November 30. And when I get it, I have decided what my reward will be. I am going to buy me an Under Armour shirt from Academy sports. Not the compression shirt, not yet, but an Under Armour t shirt.

I got fussed over today. I should have liked it, but I just couldn't take it. I was told I look so great and so young and my face is almost unrecognizable now. It was my old attorney and the new attorney she works for now. They are both awesome women and it was nice to know they thought so much of my progress. I have decided to try to get a picture of me taken this weekend in my new Nike XL shirt to post on here. It will be epic I am sure! haha. Ya'll think of me tomorrow morning for my weigh in!

Day 111 How Did I NOT Do This before?

I want to first thank everyone who commented on my win last night. I appreciate your congrats and am honored to serve the public.

Next, I am continuing on with my obsession with walking. I have moved on to thinking I have to get four miles in a day, two in the morning and two in the evening. I swear, it is nuts. Want to know what it is kinda like? Like my obsession with watching tv, eating mindlessly, and gaining weight. However, I sometimes am finishing up my walks and think to myself "how did THIS become a habit?" The real question is how did this NOT become a habit? In fact, how did my bad habits become habit? It is nuts! Looking back, I have no idea!! I can barely sit her and type this blog sometimes. The only time I ever can sit without moving for any length of time is first thing in the mornings before the coffee kicks in and I am browsing blogs. I do ok then, but as soon as my weight lifting is done, it is a challenge all day to sit down and just be still. I find reasons all the time at work to do it, go walk as often as possible at lunch, and now I have picked up the evening walking habit! The good news is the neighbor across the road runs and she is totally making me look bad running, so there is no slacking in my walking. I feel great now, but I suspect that I will be sore tomorrow morning. One more day and then I get Friday off from walking!

I have mentioned I am shooting for 230 by November 30 on here and I am so ready to see the scale on Friday and see how close I am on the first weigh in of November. I am shooting for 237 or lower. I am also worried about the soup I had tonight having too much sodium. I wonder if the fact that I just kill my water all the time will keep it from being an issue? I know I am all over tonight, but i didn't give any thought to my subject before I sat down today. Part of adding the walking to my evening agenda I guess. I will be better tomorrow.

Doctor Fat to Fit tagged me in an answer these questions post over here and here are the q's and a's. See what you think Doc!

1) If you could be any animal, what would you choose?
a quarterhorse for two reasons, but only one is printable on a family friendly blog! I love to watch them run so effortlessly and gracefully, it is nature's poetry in motion. Figure the other out!

2) Name 1 thing you would NOT do, even if I payed you a million bucks?

give you the million bucks back!!

3) Name one big news event that made an impact on you other than 9/11. Why and How did it impact you?

oh I remember when Jerry Jones bought the Cowboys and then fired Tom Landry. In fact now that I am thinking about it again, I am pissed all over and I hate Jerry Jones!

4) Where did you go or would you like to go on your honeymoon?

still not able to afford a honeymoon, but our thinking is we want to go to Rome and not have to be on a small budget for the week. Not sure WHEN it will happen, but it WILL happen.

Day 110 I WON!

Hey everybody, I am now Justice of the Peace Elect Shane Griffin! That is exciting. I did go over on my bank today by having some of the food at the Courthouse watch party, but it was by no means by a great deal, I figured up probably 2000 calories for the day. I am actually typing this Wednesday morning as we got home late. I am so excited and nervous about doing well with this new responsibility.

Day 109 Can You Feel It?

Good Monday evening my fine fellow bloggers and bloggerettes! I am in a fine mood tonight. I had what I would consider a break through of a day today. I can't really explain it all that well but I will try. I have posted and seen many other posts regarding the fact that despite all the evidence you see like the number on the scale, the looser clothing, friends raving about your weight loss etc, we just don't see or feel that we are any thinner. Well today, I just felt it!! Not due to a glance in the mirror, not because I bent over effortlessly, not because I could walk faster and further (all of which did happen today but not before my feeling began) but I just FELT it. I had a swagger about me, I was even more focused on the future and how my body would change, and I just plain accepted that I was thinner. I hope to have more of these days!

My eating has been exceptional here lately. I only got close to the 1800 calories I allow myself on the weekends on Sunday and still, even with the sweet treats, only got to 1705 calories! I spent most of today hungry, I suspect because of my huge amount of activity Sunday, but I just kept working through it and my final count for the day today was only 1380 calories. I didn't get as many vegetables as normal today and have asked Kathy to help me rectify that for the rest of the week. I am so glad to be seeing this lifestyle change be taking root! I am even more excited to see the results of my decision to change coming to fruition!!

I had a great time in general tonight watching Lauren play basketball! She is a lot better than last year. I am going to take advantage of the more active me and get out and help her practice extra. She is still scared to shoot the ball in a game, so I am going to help her get over that and to learn how to get open and ask for the ball. It is great to know that I will be able to move now and help her with more than just instructions!

Well tomorrow is my big day for the election. I either win and become Justice of the Peace or I lose and get this over with! I have decided I am fine with either outcome. I do have a lot of time commitments already and it would just be one more, but in the same token, I could use the extra money too. So ya'll keep me in your thoughts and prayers that the Lord will have his will be done and that I be ok with either outcome please.